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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
levelly · 08/08/2019 21:48

Incredibly rude of them. Would be tempted to clear the air but no point if they've been drinking. Hope the kids are in bed now. Is tomorrow's event a pre paid thing?

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:50

Parents raised their voices at me and said they didn't want to be caught in the middle of an argument as they'd done nothing wrong. I asked what I'd done wrong. They said guests bollocked them for bringing children back (obviously felt like they had been summoned).

So I messaged and said I wasn't expecting them to come back and just let me know when they set off so I could finish their dinner. Got a shitty text back and then I've been ignored by the guests since.

OP posts:
Chillyourbeans · 08/08/2019 21:50

They ignored you at your own dining table in your own home? Rude fuckers. Tell them they either respect you in your home, or they leave your home.

mummmy2017 · 08/08/2019 21:51

Yes, say....this.
Since your all cross with me for wanting to know your expected time for dinner, would you prefer to pack and book somewhere for the rest of your stay....

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:51

Christ on a bike, can people read the thread !!

OP posts:
DaphneFanshaw · 08/08/2019 21:52

Or maybe they could go and stay with your parents.... Everyone is happy.

user12346755 · 08/08/2019 21:53

Who are these guests that your DPs seem to pander to??

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:53

I did not get heated. I didn't engage. I asked what the problem was and then attempted to diffuse it by sending a message.

OP posts:
Cocobean30 · 08/08/2019 21:54

Op for goodness sake, THIS IS YOUR HOUSE. I feel for you but you need to stand up for them and tell them to stop sulking in your home and if they don’t like it, leave! And don’t host them again! This sounds a dynamic that has been going on for decades. Stand up to them!

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:54

Parents live too far away. They're stuck here until they're scheduled to leave. Parents are travelling with them and spending the next 4 weeks with them.

OP posts:
DobbinsVeil · 08/08/2019 21:54

I don't think you've done anything wrong. Were the other 2 children likely to kick off at yours leaving? It all sounds tense and awkward and I hope it all calms down for tomorrow's event.

Did they eat the dinner?

JassyRadlett · 08/08/2019 21:54

Jesus even before the rude sulk your guests sounded awful. Won’t have sandwiches. Don’t like to be asked what their plans are.

I agree with the PP. Say that as you have different expectations - they want the unfettered freedom of staying in a hotel, you expect people to treat you civilly in your own home - you can all agree it wold be best for them to pack up in the morning. You can recommend a Holiday Inn.

Rude fuckers.

JassyRadlett · 08/08/2019 21:55

Is this a golden child sibling by any chance OP?

Sundancer77 · 08/08/2019 21:56

Eurgh, my parents stay at my home for two weeks at a time a few times a year, I generally love it..but..there’s always a couple of awkward fallings out per visit.
WHO are the other guests though??

7yo7yo · 08/08/2019 21:59

Who are the other guests?
Sounds like a golden child sibling.
I’d say If no ones got the decency to speak to me in my own home then they need to make alternative accommodation arrangements for the next few nights and any other time they may wish to visit.
They are rude and bullies.
Don’t take it op.
Tell em to feck of.

HumphreyCobblers · 08/08/2019 22:00

I would be livid, how dare they have a go at you for making a perfectly reasonable request, when you are cooking their dinner! Their reaction is disproportionate, even if your request was a bit annoying to them.

I would tell them all to piss off. But I do have PMS really badly....

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:01

I don't understand why people need to know who the guest is... I wasn't trying to create a mystery.

It's my sibling. They're not the golden child but they have the power of living abroad and being very clever so can win any argument. My parents almost fear them... not physically fear but become anxious of criticisms and distancing etc

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 08/08/2019 22:01

You know what I'd say to them now OP?

Right you've got one chance to clear the air with me and put today behind us or you can go and pack your bags now and leave I will not be treated like this in my own home - choice is yours.

I can't stand silent treatment and/or harboured resentment, unless you deal with this now the atmosphere tomorrow and probably for the rest of the holiday will be awful. It sounds like you could cut the air with a knife now.

MsSquiz · 08/08/2019 22:01

The point you seem to be missing is that YOU told your guests to let you know when they were on their way home, for dinner.

YOU rang to see when they were coming back, didn't like that answer, wanted the kids back earlier when they were all clearly still enjoying their afternoon out.

YOU should have agreed a time for the children to be back (before they left) or YOU, as the parent, should have kept your children home.

From your guests (and your parents) POV, that is what you have done wrong.

However, I don't agree with your guests ignoring you in your own home. Bring it up tomorrow morning, clear the air and move on.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:02

That's not quite the sequence of events.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 08/08/2019 22:04

because so much of this is about family dynamics that have clearly always been that way.

My feeling is that it is your brother and that he is used to getting his own way (probably younger) and you and your parents appease him all the time - that the eating requirements (gluten free/dairy free/vegetarian) are mainly on his side and that he wants you to cook (and would not dream of doing so)

And your parents tip toe around him because he would immediately storm off and withdraw if they do

IF this is the case I can see why you cant win

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:05

I was cooking - it was planned and approved.

They said "let's go to that place" spontaneous trip .

They implied they'd be back before DH is home from work.

They weren't... I called. They said they were staying out later.

I said the kids are tired can you bring them home, guests can stay out.

Parents raised voices.

Text to say no rush, let me know (paraphrase).

Get shitty message.

Get ignored.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:06

Despite all the what fors, the reaction is over the top.

OP posts:
GrapefruitGin · 08/08/2019 22:06

Wait..... the title of your thread is ‘help me see the error of my ways’, yet every time someone has made a comment you don’t like, you get arsey! Confused

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 08/08/2019 22:08

Sounds like EVERYONES tired and that’s why it’s all gone a bit tits up. Now personally.....it’s all hit the fan now so stop worrying about who said what, fuck it, it’s done .......so it’s YOUR house so stop bothering to cook from scratch for these people and being a. Chef to everyone’s dietry requirements....family / Parents or not ....it’s your life and you have 2 young kids and a house full so go and buy a load of decent ready meals. Stick em in the fridge. Go to bed early tonight..have a nice long bath. Let them sulk. In the morning just carry on as normal in YOUR home and y0ur guests can please themselves ! Ask ‘ does anyone want dinner later?’ If they say yes fine. Agree a time. Don’t say ‘ dinners at 6. Don’t put yourself out ! Do you want food. Yes/no ‘ good. Here’s a key sort yourselves out. My kids are in bed by X HR as they have a routine and despite it being a holiday it will take me a month to get that routine back (so suck it up parents.)...... so forget what’s happened. Family will row about the colour of the fucking sky so let it go and work on the rest of their stay NOT dominating your life x