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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
goldfinchfan · 08/08/2019 21:18

to all those telling the OP she is controlling do you go and stay for free at a relatives house and then call all the shots even on their very young children?

OP is not controlling she has been generous and now taken advantage of. Her guests are now punishing her for making them seem how selfish they are.
She didn't want her children to go and was coerced into letting them go. It happens. She was right and they were in the wrong,
They owe her a big thank you for letting them stay IMO

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:21

I don't expect a thank you... I just expect not to feel like this on my own home.

It's an awful feeling!

OP posts:
DaphneFanshaw · 08/08/2019 21:22

I don't think yabu, how close are you to your guests? Could they just stay somewhere else?
I wouldn't be all that happy about hosting people that rude.

pictish · 08/08/2019 21:23

OP please listen to me.
This has happened because you have been in each other’s pockets for a week. It is not because yabu. You don’t sound controlling or demanding to me. It is not because your family or visitors are awful either...if they’re generally nice to know, it’s a misinterpretation of the situation. You are irritating each other because of the forced proximity.

When do they leave?

Deemail · 08/08/2019 21:24

The visiting couple are out of order and your parents not much better for sticking their oar in. They're staying in your house been catered for and a place to sleep, they should have respected your request even if they didn't agree with it out of good manners for all you're doing for them.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:25

Fuck my life, I just walked downstairs and have been completely ignored. Tried the breezy-nothings-happened approach and no one even made eye contact.

I feel sick.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 08/08/2019 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:26

DH sparked up a super awkward conversation with me to break the tension but it's horrific!

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 08/08/2019 21:26

I do feel for you on the kids front. But either let them go and suck it up or don’t let them go. Or be really clear what you expect.

You can’t really just make a sudden damand they they come back without pissing people off.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:26

They've happily been drinking twine though... fuckers! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:26

Wine*

OP posts:
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/08/2019 21:30

Well they're a bunch of arses, aren't they?

What happens if you say you don't fancy or can't cook for some reason, OP?

flouncyfanny · 08/08/2019 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quartz2208 · 08/08/2019 21:30

OP is this always the dynamic with you your parents and I assume sibling? You the people pleaser and always going along with them and doing everything for them

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/08/2019 21:30

OP just breath and relax. You all sound a bit fraught. You told them to let you know when they were on there way home so you really cant complain that they hadn't told you a time. Then when they said a time you told some of them to come home earlier. They were out together its not unreasonable that they would want to come home together. If you wanted your children back at a certain time you should have specified that when they went out not left it open ended with a call me when you are on the back.

flouncyfanny · 08/08/2019 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 08/08/2019 21:31

I think you need to walk away from this thread now. I think as your already wound up this is just feeding it which won’t help you.

DaphneFanshaw · 08/08/2019 21:32

When are they going? Go downstairs and pour yourself some wine.

Cheby · 08/08/2019 21:32

Honestly, I’d boot the fuckers out at this point. They don’t get to behave like this toward you in your own house.

ClumsyFool · 08/08/2019 21:32

Regardless of whether they felt a bit miffed or whatever they have totally over reacted and to be ignoring you and treating you like that in your own home is beyond rude. They either need to get over it, have a civil conversation about it or leave. As you say, you are not running a hotel so they don’t just get to stay and completely ignore you in your own home.

LatteLove · 08/08/2019 21:33

I can’t believe they are being so ignorant to you in your own home OP. I’d have to say something. I know it’s awkward though.

FlyMayBe · 08/08/2019 21:33

I'm with you, OP. Your guests and parents) sound rude, entitled and controlling. You're being given the silent treatment in your own house, after hosting them all and cooking their meals? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! They'd all be off my Xmas list permanently for that!!

jacks11 · 08/08/2019 21:35

Regardless of the fact they may be a little annoyed, completely ignoring you in your own home is completely wrong and utterly rude. I would be having a talk- it’s your house and they can jolly well be civil to you, or stay somewhere else.

Yes, you could have been clearer about wanting children home. That was a mistake, but not one deserving of an angry outburst x2 and then bring ignored.

You were not being unreasonable to ask your parents to bring your DC home- you had good reasons, and hadn’t wanted them to go in the 1st place. Children that age don’t all sleep in after a late night, so will just get grumpier and more fractious. Which OP will have to try and manage I would imagine.

Equally, I think if your guests didn’t want you to cook dinner (as a few PP have suggested), then they should have said so- not said “lovely” when you suggested it. Your guests are rude. I wouldn’t host them again unless an apology is forthcoming.

couchparsnip · 08/08/2019 21:35

They are ignoring you in your own house! Cheeky fuckers. OP sorry you are being bullied by your relatives. They sound awful

Drum2018 · 08/08/2019 21:35

They are ignoring you in your home - height of rudeness. Go in and tell them you'll happily look up a b&b for the rest of the stay if they are going to continue behaving like ignorant pricks. I would not tolerate that shit in my home.