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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
Watchingthyme · 08/08/2019 22:42

This is not about the kids. This is not about dinner.

This is about siblings

marjolaine · 08/08/2019 22:42

Oops took too long to post and the thread has moved on!

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:44

I wouldn't ask them to leave. I'm more of the suck it up and cry in private school.

I'll attempt bright and breezy again in the morning. Hopefully it'll all blow over. I wouldn't mind being able to have a chat about what went wrong today but I doubt it'll end well with sibling around.

OP posts:
Coronapop · 08/08/2019 22:46

Sounds like an overreaction on your part. It's the summer holidays.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:46

Sibling's children are older. We also have very different parent styles. I respect their parenting but they criticise mine, what can you do!!

OP posts:
CellularBlanket · 08/08/2019 22:47

YANBU - you sound lovely and I think you are coping with two young children and guests. Hope it passes soon OP

hellodarkness · 08/08/2019 22:47

I think your communication could've been clearer but your guests' response is beyond rude.

I would march downstairs, switch the tv off and ask why they are all being so horribly unpleasant just because you needed your dc home for bed. Explain, if necessary, that they are fractious after a week of late nights and you needed them in bed on time if tomorrow's trip is to be enjoyable. Surely, when presented with the direct question, they will realise that they're being tits?

Watchingthyme · 08/08/2019 22:48

And also. Don’t ever post this kind of shit in AIBU.
Go to relationships and actually tell the proper story.

I would go fucking batshit if I had made the effort to cook dinner and no one bothered turning up.

It’s cunting rude. End of.

And have a fucking word with your parents.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:49

Ya know... some people have kids that can stay up late and function on 8 hours sleep, other people have children who require 12 hours a night or they start to develop faults in their systems. You know what type you have!

OP posts:
sackrifice · 08/08/2019 22:49

It sounds like they are a bunch of entitled cunts and quite frankly need to be told to all fuck right off.

Jenasaurus · 08/08/2019 22:50

This all boils down to communication. If when they left with the DC they were aware of their bedtime then they would have brought them back then. If this want communicated to them and they were asked when they would be back and answered in an hour. Then that seems reasonable of them. They wouldn’t think it was unreasonable as you hadn’t stressed a time for them to be back

I feel sorry for you as it sounds like you have spent the day trying to facilitate then having nice meals and keeping the place nice

What is done is done. I would go down and speak to them when you have calmed down and say something like. I’m sorry if I upset you by requesting the DC were brought back earlier. I should have made it clear when you took them out. Then hopefully they will also apologise for being cross with you and then all do something nice together and move on. This seems a big issue as your tired and feel attacked but it doesn’t need to be. Just try and make things better from now on. I don’t think it’s any one persons fault. It’s just better communication that’s needed in the future. I hope the rest of your evening is better OP

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 22:50

If I said anything with sibling present I would be verbally torn to shreds. You can't reason with someone who knows how clever they are and has an answer for everything! ... well, I can't anyway!

OP posts:
bettyjune07 · 08/08/2019 22:51

I think you're being treated unfairly on this thread and in real life OP. YANBU, at all. They decided to stay out later so you asked for your very young, over tired DCs to be brought home. You even offered to be more accommodating to them by saying you would cook dinner when THEY were ready. They just had to let you know.

Your sibling and his family are cheeky, they really do have some thick skin. I cannot believe they are ignoring you in your own home. They need to get a grip, and realise they are very lucky to have a sibling willing too cook, and wash up with two young children all whilst their usual routine is out of the window.

I know you say you're not the type OP but when they leave to go home I would honestly say "you're not welcome back again, again stay with our parents." Your parents also need to stop enabling your sibling, and stick up for you who is doing all the leg work.

Sorry you're having such a shitty time of it, but don't hide upstairs in your own home!

AGirlCalledJohnny · 08/08/2019 22:52

All of what Janet said. Fuck that for a game of soldiers

Atalune · 08/08/2019 22:53

Oh my. So much bubbling under.

This is a pressure cooker situation and it is a lot to BLOW.

I can feel the resentment from here.

cstaff · 08/08/2019 22:53

Even if there was a breakdown in communication (which I am not convinced there was) that is no excuse to treat your host / sibling / daughter like a piece of crap. They are acting like spoilt kids. At the very least they should have apologised by now. When did you become their slave.

Wellmet · 08/08/2019 22:53

You don't need to reason with him. You just need to spell out that he can't be rude to you in your home. It's not a discussion, you are simply stating your boundaries. You don't need any answer from him, he just accepts it or leaves. Quite simple.

slithytove · 08/08/2019 22:53

Yanbu

Sibling and parents are dicks

Snowfalling · 08/08/2019 22:53

Nanna, your mistake was not making your op clearer.

This was a spontaneous outing for a few short hours, the sibling said they would all return before op's dh returns home. However, when op realised the sibling wanted to stay out later than planned, she asked for her overtired dc to be brought back home by parents and everyone else could stay out later. That's when the shit hit the fan with sibling having a go at parents for wanting to return with op's dc, in turn parents had a go at op for putting them in that position. Now everyone's back home, and they're all ignoring the op.

Op, yanbu. I would not let it lie though, but you have better manners than me and don't want to make your guests feel unwelcome in your own home. Hope things improve overnight.

Wellmet · 08/08/2019 22:54

I'm saying 'he' because my guess is that we're dealing with an arsey older brother.

RachelEllenR · 08/08/2019 22:54

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all and your sibling and parents are being really rude. I really feel for you! Hope things are ok in the morning.

Drum2018 · 08/08/2019 22:55

I wouldn't ask them to leave. I'm more of the suck it up and cry in private school

Well that is something you need to rectify asap. Fuck being the martyr and pandering to a bully sibling who has an answer for everything. In the morning ask them to find alternative accommodation as it's no longer working out at your house. I'd never have them stay again. Does your Dh pander to them too? Surely one of you can stand up and call them out on their appalling behaviour.

Atalune · 08/08/2019 22:56

I wouldn't ask them to leave. I'm more of the suck it up and cry in private school

So passive aggressive I can feel the clench from here.

Just stop doing it.

LatteLove · 08/08/2019 22:56

I'm saying 'he' because my guess is that we're dealing with an arsey older brother.

Sounds like it eh. Older, arsey entitled shit.

Apologies if it’s a wee sister Op 🤣

Tonnerre · 08/08/2019 22:56

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time.

If they didn't want to be summoned back at a certain time, maybe they should have thought more carefully before taking their host's very small children out with them.