To have a FWB when pregnant?

[GirlOnIt]

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

Was in the same position as you when pregnant with my first. I didn't do anything, just felt wrong on so many levels. Very glad I didn't. 5 years on we are happily together with my 5 year old and our 2 year old.

I struggle to see why it's grim or icky. Wouldn't you have sex with your DP or DH or the child's father. Why is this different? And by extension, would it be wrong if you weren't pregnant? I can't understand which part is grim- being pregnant or having a FWB or having desires?? Personally I'm your situation I'd say enjoy yourself and take the same care you would with a DP or significant other.

WTF @Nomoremilk

How can you say, with regard to pregnant women, "no they're not really sexually attractive..."

Do you think that you speak for the entire planet's male population in your view of what is or isn't sexually attractive to them?

I've read some real shit on MN but that's up there with the best of it.

Has the FWB just come back through the scene after hearing you have split with you ex? Or has he been a friend to you even whilst you were with the ex?

If he has just turned up again then I would wonder does he see you as just a convenient shag rather than a true friend.
But then you might just see him as a convenient shag so won’t mind.

I did this when I was pregnant. Was a bit strange but it was an exFWB who I was good friends with (and still am). He was lovely, respectful if I said I didnt want to do certain positions etc. I didnt see it as disrespectful to the baby because I adore this man as a friend and he does me.

So long as it’s mind-blowing!

A crap FWB is just pointless!

I did this when I was pregnant

Me too Cherryade8. Luckily I didn't consider myself a 'vessel'!

@Nomoremilk
'No they're not really sexually attractive, there's a whole fetish about pregnant women, you might have felt your best it doesn't mean it was true.'

What a lot of shite.
Just because a man finds a pregnant woman attractive it doesn't mean its because of some strange fetish.
Also, it was true for me regarding how I felt about my body (within the first two trimesters at least).

It sounds like you definitely want to, and you don't need the validation of a bunch of strangers on the internet to do that. Your choice entirely.

If any level of risk is unacceptable during pregnancy because the woman is a vessel, then she really shouldn't be having sex with the baby's father either. I've known plenty of women whose husbands strayed when they were pregnant and could potentially have brought back all kinds of nasty infections. And some men don't. But you can never be 100 per cent sure of anyone but yourself, so why take the risk? Or we can accept that there's no such thing as an entirely risk-free pregnancy and grown-ups get to make choices for themselves.

No we've been friends through out the time @Dontsweatthelittlestuff. Ex wasn't overly keen and made it a bit difficult from my side and friend respected that so definitely backed off with messages etc. But he's always been a friend and kept in touch, came to see Ds when he was born and we'd occasionally meet up for coffee. Since I split we've seen each other a bit more and been more in touch via messages etc.

STD's of course would of course be a discussion. But he's a friend and a good guy, he wouldn't put me at risk and certainly not any unborn baby let alone mine. I understand others concern in that regard, but I know him and he's just not like that.

I didn't make any "implication" - if I want to say something, I will say it and not hide it behind an implication

Clearly you're just not very good at making sense then.

You're right, not worth the effort of trying to explain it to, it is clearly beyond you.

Gross and trashy

You know, many women also reject the bullshit about what to eat and drink and do (outside of sex) when pregnant, because they see these 'warnings' for the controlling, misogynistic bullshit that they are. It's worth bearing in mind that a lot of the 'advice' is based on no facts at all, and comes from the US woman-hating anti-choice school of thought (the demands that pop up every now and again about prosecuting women for drinking alcohol or riding rollercoasters while pregnant are from those people who want to ban abortion altogether and reduce the legal status of women to that of domestic animals/walking incubators.)

Not only did I eat and drink whatever I wanted while PG, I had a couple of sessions of group sex with strangers, which I thoroughly enjoyed. My 'baby' is now a healthy, intelligent, happy teenager and I remain on friendly co-parent terms with his father, as well.

As a PP said, while your own boundaries are up to you, condeming other women for wanting to have sex while pregnant, especially if you are bleating about 'another man's baby' - yeah, this is just misogyny. Impregnating a woman gives a man no rights over her whatsoever (if you are pregnant by a man you no longer like, you can cut him out of your life completely and need have nothing to do with him until after the baby is born - and even then, you can keep him at bay and make him take you to court for contact.)

Would some of the "weird and icky" brigade please explain logically, if they can, why it would be OK for a pregnant woman to have sex with the man who fathered her baby, but not with a different man? I suspect that none of you will be able to, because your feelings of distaste are inspired mostly by the thought that it isn't nice to be having sex with more than one man in the space of a few months, and that pregnant women are supposed to be virtuous vessels who devote themselves fully to the state of pregnancy and don't dirty themselves with things like sexual desire.

OP, obviously you're supposed to do nothing but "concentrate on the baby" from now until when the kid turns 18. In the real world, I see that you've already decided against taking up your FWB again, but I think you should if it's what you want. I'd probably advise against doing it if he was somebody you'd only just met and whose motives you didn't know, but as it is, why the hell not?

JacquesHammer I didn't make any "implication" - if I want to say something, I will say it and not hide it behind an implication Clearly you're just not very good at making sense then.*

You're right, not worth the effort of trying to explain it to, it is clearly beyond you.

Are you actually trying to bully me for not using the exact words in the exact order you wanted me to?

Jesus, just give it a break will you?

What on earth has this got to do with the OP!

I also don't have a problem with the idea that some men found my pregnant body attractive because they had a pregnancy fetish. Having a fetish isn't necessarily a dreadful thing, any more than finding a stranger attractive because of that person's facial features, dress sense or body shape. It's whether you treat the other person with courtesy and kindness that matters.

I don't think it's grim or icky, just a bit odd that you would consider this when pregnant with another man's baby. But I am from a distant era,with different views that are maybe outdated.

It's worrying that so many people think YABU. Complete shutslaming. @op if it feels right then do it! Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you become an unfeeling vessel with no desires!

I want to and I don't if that makes sense @Ticklemeelmo. Before last night I wasn't sure he was still interested in me like that. It's been a while since we had that kind of relationship. But chatting in that way was nice, but then I felt a bit weird about it this morning. Like another poster said (sorry can't remember who without reading back) that's probably due to societal conditioning.

Anyway I go on holiday tomorrow with some friends and my Ds and he's text today to say why don't we go out for dinner when I'm back, just as friends and with no expectations. I was also moaning last night that I haven't had reason to get dressed up and go out or anything recently. So I think that would be nice, even if I decide nothings going to happen.

Well said ReanimatedSGB.

@CheckingOutTheQuantocks I said I would find it too weird on a personal level just because I didn't feel very attractive when pregnant and certainly felt very un sexy but that's just me, if the OP feels up for it then she should go for it

Go out for dinner OP, get dressed up, have a nice time. See what happens.

Why would you find people’s opinions “worrying” because they differ from yours, Netflix? What a pompously arrogant statement!
Fwiw, nobody has slut-shamed (as you call it) the op, they’ve expressed the perfectly valid opinion that it’s odd to be so keen to shag a woman who is pregnant with someone else’s baby.
You may think differently, but don’t waste time worrying your little head about everyone else.

The O P wouldnt be asking if it was a societal norm. The fact she knows shes pushing boundaries is enough.

I cant type what I'm thinking.