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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a FWB when pregnant?

427 replies

GirlOnIt · 08/08/2019 11:03

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

OP posts:
NoTheresa · 08/08/2019 14:08

I’d add grim too.

NottonightJosepheen · 08/08/2019 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwistedStrawberry · 08/08/2019 14:09

What the hell is with the use of the word "icky"? Is it a way to downplay your judgement? Using a silly baby word? Bizarre.

Honestly OP, have at it. Enjoy Wink

Spacerader · 08/08/2019 14:09

You are both consenting adults and as long as he is fully aware you are pregnant then I don’t see a problem.

Go for it.

MaybeNew · 08/08/2019 14:13

I would. You know him, like him and find him attractive. There’s nothing yuk about that.

Some people love sex when pregnant and some people don’t. There’s no right or wrong here.

Have fun!

Nomoremilk · 08/08/2019 14:14

Has he got a fetish? Seems gross.

zeezee3 · 08/08/2019 14:15

@vasya

Why?! It's not like women suddenly become hideous, sexless monsters when pregnant. And it's not like impregnating a woman gives a man any rights over her body. So why should it bother another man?

This thread is really revelatory of how deeply ingrained misogyny can be. There are so many here who clearly think that a pregnant woman's body isn't hers anymore - it has a higher purpose as some kind of creepy sacred baby vessel, and defiling that with sex (or even wanting to) is gross.

It's a lot of fuss over nothing imo. Lots of women have sex while pregnant. There's no reason to distinguish between sex with the father of the baby and sex with someone else, unless you think there's something magical about being the father of a baby that sanitises your sex and makes it ok. And if that's your view, I would say you're the one with the creepy fetish.

Get a grip FFS. People are entitled to their views and opinions, and THAT is what the OP asked for. Just because YOU don't like people saying it's creepy and weird and grim, that doesn't give you the right to say that others should not be allowed that opinion.

And the irony of YOU personally attacking people, for purely stating their valid opinions.

The 'unpaid prostitute' is the only comment I think is out of order, but apart from that, people are entitled to their opinions that it's weird and a bit gross, whether YOU like it or not! (And that goes to the other posters on here moaning and griping about people coming out with views they don't like!) Hmm

And it's fuck-all to to with 'misogyny' so to those few saying that; stop making out it is. You sound ridiculous!

WyfOfBathe · 08/08/2019 14:15

YANBU, absolutely your choice.

I don't think I could deal with a FWB, pregnant or not. I catch feelings too easily. If I were pregnant I would be especally worried about FWB turning into relationship and then having to juggle a new relationship and a baby. However, you've had FWB before so know more than me about how you feel about FWB!

NottonightJosepheen · 08/08/2019 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightfutureahead · 08/08/2019 14:20

It's as if when a woman becomes pregnant she changes from a person with a right to do as she pleases to a vessel for a child

Well, if she wants a healthy baby at the end of the 9 months then that’s kind of how it works.

Drinking during pregnancy or
smoking isn’t illegal, and many women still choose to do it because they think it’s their body their right. It’s their fault the baby has resulting health problems when they are born, nobody else’s. So yes, you should be a grown up give up certain things for a while.

When it comes to sex, there is a risk of catching STIs and for me personally I wouldn’t want that risk to affect my unborn baby just as much as I wouldn’t want alcohol to. So yes, you do become a “vessel”, because your body is creating a life. It’s 9 months out of your life.

zeezee3 · 08/08/2019 14:25

Well said @brightfutureahead ^

MissConductUS · 08/08/2019 14:27

Go for it. Pregnant sex can be brilliant and if it makes you happy that's good for both you and the baby.

BohemianDream · 08/08/2019 14:27

Why on earth are people commenting that its strange that the man wants to have sex with a woman when the baby isn't his?
Isn't a woman still attractive because she has a bump now. I certainly looked my best during pregnancy and had a lot of male attention.
Finding it icky, vile.. bunch of weirdos, there's a lot more going on in the world which these words are best kept to describe.

If you know this person well and trust them then go for it OP, sex whilst pregnant can be fantastic and it is your right to enjoy it.

wheelywheelynice · 08/08/2019 14:29

Icky and tacky

Nomoremilk · 08/08/2019 14:30

@BohemianDream
No they're not really sexually attractive, there's a whole fetish about pregnant women, you might have felt your best it doesn't mean it was true.

Belfield · 08/08/2019 14:32

I would not only because even with condoms you are not 100% safe from STI. I am in particular thinking of herpes.

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2019 14:34

No they're not really sexually attractive, there's a whole fetish about pregnant women, you might have felt your best it doesn't mean it was true

The OP and this man have known each other and been FWB before. Isn't it more likely that he finds her attractive in spite of being pregnant rather than it being a fetish...?

goingdeepinthesky · 08/08/2019 14:36

It's got absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. it sounds like a brilliant arrangement with clear boundaries. If it pleases you - do it!

TartsKnickerDrawer · 08/08/2019 14:37

Go for it, OP. You sound like you’ve both got your heads screwed on and know what you want.

QualCheckBot · 08/08/2019 14:40

NottonightJosephine Turning down men because you aren't really that interested in them is very liberating

Why do you assume people with FWB aren’t turning down men they’re not interested in?

Great point. Of course.

Well to continue the pointless semantic point scoring even further:

Why did you assume that I assumed that people with FWB aren't turning down men they're not interested in".

My statement simply said "Turning down men because you aren't really that interested in them is very liberating".

It didn't say "People with FWB aren't turning down men they're not interested in".

I hardly think people who might want a FWB are accepting all offers they get.

Don't assume that people who say they have to be invested in someone emotionally to have a relationship assume things that they don't. In other words, don't make up things to make yourself feel good.

QualCheckBot · 08/08/2019 14:44

I also don't think the fact that the potential FWB and the OP have slept together before doesn't guarantee that he doesn't have a particular interest in sleeping with a pregnant woman.

Many people have sexual fantasies which they never get to play out until the opportunity presents itself.

Nothing wrong with it as long as the other party is ok with it and it isn't hidden. Of course he may well not do, and its just a happy coincidence that they are both now single and neither still wants a relationship.

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2019 14:45

Don't assume that people who say they have to be invested in someone emotionally to have a relationship assume things that they don't. In other words, don't make up things to make yourself feel good

Don't be daft. I'm not questioning your post because you want to be emotionally involved in a relationship but because of the implication therein.

Much like you've done in the quote above....

redcupbluecup · 08/08/2019 14:47

It's a no from me. Your hormones are all over the place and it may not end well for you. FWB only works when both are on the same page. Don't put yourself in a position where you may want more and wont get it. It's not worth the stress for some sex.

NottonightJosepheen · 08/08/2019 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QualCheckBot · 08/08/2019 14:50

JacquesHammer Don't be daft. I'm not questioning your post because you want to be emotionally involved in a relationship but because of the implication therein. Much like you've done in the quote above....

Just stop with the little semantic digs and calling people daft thing. You really aren't making much sense, although you are clearly trying very hard. I didn't make any "implication" - if I want to say something, I will say it and not hide it behind an implication.

Its your own personal perspective that has read something into my words which wasn't there. Do you seriously think that I think that people who look for FWB are incapable of turning down men? Or do you object to someone saying that turning down men is liberating? How odd.

Save yourself the effort and chill. Its not a points competition.

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