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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH's work food stash is weird and slightly annoying?

315 replies

FeatherySquawkington · 08/08/2019 08:34

So I do all the food shopping (we have 2DC) I make the dinner and pack the lunches. DH makes his own sandwiches for work and will take fruit but he actually buys masses of cereal bars, chocolate bars and his favourite crisps and keeps them at work in his desk drawers. I find it quite irritating that he has his own food stash when I do a good job at shopping and keeping everyone fed and would be more than happy to buy anything he put on the list. He says it's because it's easier than getting it out if the cupboard every morning, but he makes a sandwich and gets himself several pieces of fruit every day?

OP posts:
vasya · 08/08/2019 09:58

You're being unreasonable in some ways because he's an adult so he's completely entitled to decide for himself what works for him re food. And its odd to interpret it as a judgment on your ability to shop for everyone.

However, from your updates it's clear that he's taking the piss about helping with the family shopping. He's pretending to be helpless when he should be perfectly capable of meal planning and buying the requisite ingredients.

My husband and I fell into the pattern for a while of me doing all of the meal planning, shopping and cooking because I am better at it. But it became very exhausting. We now make it a rule that he plans 3 meals per week (sometimes more) and either shops for them or, if I am doing the shopping, gives me a list of ingredients.

I suggest you try and enforce a similar rule. If he can't do the big food shop in person, is there any reason why he couldn't do it online? And that involves him planning and cooking some meals each week too. If he's bad at it, tell him he's a grown man capable of holding down a job and therefore should have no difficulty mastering this skill with some practice.

Benjispruce · 08/08/2019 09:59

I’m sure he’s well acquainted with the whole chocolate covered biscuit aisle alreadyShock

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 08/08/2019 09:59

It depends which supermarket you use as to whether you can get it online - if you prefer Lidl then it's in store only.

OP, YABU to be bothered by his work stash but YANBU to want him to do the family shop occasionally. Send him off with the list and leave him to it - ideally make yourself unavailable for any calls, and if he does try the "I can't find X, where's X" palaver just tell him that you weren't born knowing the layout of supermarkets and they move stuff round so much it's pointless telling him anyway as it could easily have changed - that's why they put the handy signs above the aisle and have people in uniform to ask. However don't then complain if he comes back with something slightly different (so long as it's still perfectly functional in the way intended) from whatever you would have bought - you either want him to use his brain/initiative and not depend on you for every aspect of buying the shopping, or you don't.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 08/08/2019 09:59

I’d be more worried about his health if he eats all that crap during the day and “munches” his way through a packet of biscuits in the evening. Is he overweight?

We are not allowed food in our desks because we have had mice in the office. It’s a proper posh city office as well but the buggers get everywhere. Most of you probably have them as well, you just don’t know it because they come out at night.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/08/2019 10:00

When does he do his work shop? I used to do mine at lunch so would grab a few urgent things that didn't need the fridge but I wouldn't do a whole shop then, it'd be chaos. If he does it in the evenings or weekends, that's more unreasonable...

But honestly I'd just make him do his share of the shopping. Me and DP tend to do ours together but when we go apart, it's generally even split. I keep the list because I'm at home more but he does look at it. He's not a child, let him figure it out Smile

Original poster
FeatherySquawkington · 08/08/2019 10:01

Badness the laundry is my responsibility too. I normally do the weekly shop in the weekend while DH has the DC, I might look into online shopping, we could sit and do it together then. Thanks for all the replies Smile

OP posts:
Wonkybanana · 08/08/2019 10:01

If I've read the OP's update right (I only know about the stash as he leaves a massive bag of food with his work bag when he's been and I've asked him what it was for.) he isn't nipping out in his lunch hour for a multipack of crisps and a box of cereal bars. It's a major shopping trip on his way home from work.

OP get him to do it. Yes he'll get things wrong at first - but if you cheerfully let it go he'll realise that it's not going to get him out of doing it. His current behaviour says he thinks it's wifework. Although I do wonder, your eyes might have opened as this thread has progressed but if you've said to him you'd 'happily get the things for him' if he thinks that actually you wouldn't want him to do the main shop. In which case, time to put him straight.

motheroffourcats · 08/08/2019 10:08

I have a work food and soft drink stash. It means I can rush out of the house and know that when I arrive at work I can have something to eat. Plus if the weather is atrocious just at the time I would need to go out to buy a sandwich/soup I can raid my food stash and there is no need to go out in heavy rain.

Sometimes I do wonder if other people have a desk drawer for food but reading this thread makes me feel normal.

NoSquirrels · 08/08/2019 10:12

He wouldn't do the weekly shopping - I would get constant phonecalls/video calls asking me about everything on the list e.g where it was in the shop, which brand I wanted, what to replace something with if they were out of stock. It's beyond stressful so I do it myself.

It will never get less stressful (and always remain your responsibility) if you don't get him to practise.

I'd just hand the whole chore over to him. Clearly he doesn't have an issue with going shopping for food, so he can take over this.

Give him general guidelines - if there's no chicken breast buy chicken thighs, I prefer to get own-brand except for Heinz beans, whatever, and then leave him to get on with it.

He'll learn not to ask, he'll find his way around the supermarket, you will have one less domestic task on your plate.

Horehound · 08/08/2019 10:13

The OP changed her reasoning after she got her arse handed to her.
There was no problem with her doing the shopping before, there's no problem now.
And yes, I also have a work stash!

Horehound · 08/08/2019 10:14

In the op:
I do a good job at shopping and keeping everyone fed and would be more than happy to buy anything he put on the list.

It really is about controlling his work stash.

DennisSkinnersMolotov · 08/08/2019 10:15

Maybe he just likes the excuse to nip out to the shop at lunchtime? I do the main food shop which includes work lunches for DH but I know he regularly nips to Sainsburys round the corner or to the bakery as an excuse to leave his desk. I'd not expect him to do the family shop in his lunch hour then leave it sat in the car all afternoon.

Stop mothering him re the shop, he's an adult - let him work it out for himself.

DennisSkinnersMolotov · 08/08/2019 10:15

I meant stop mothering him re the main weekly shop - just ask him to do it and give him a list.

Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 08/08/2019 10:17

Why are you irritated by this?
My dp takes a stage in as he has a physically demanding job and needs the energy he is very slim and would be very thin if he didn't.

He even puts cerealbars and healthy snacks in the trolley in for his 2 staff members.
Doesn't bother me at all.

Unless your husband is morbidly obese maybe then I can see your concern...

Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 08/08/2019 10:18

*takes a load of snacks in!!

pooopypants · 08/08/2019 10:18

So what IS your problem OP?

Imagine this thread reversed - "DH annoyed that I have a food a stash at work".

YABU OP, he's a grown man, if he wants to go and buy food for work, leave him be. You sound offended but I cannot fathom why

whothedaddy · 08/08/2019 10:18

Everyone in my office has a work stash. Totally normal. Sometimes it's nice to just get out of the office of a lunch time and pop to the supermarket ( no green space near my office so I may as well walk to Aldi)
I tend to do the bulk of the family grocery shop but I'm not precious about it. As long as everyone eats 3 meals a day neither me or my partner care who bought it, and when and where it was bought.

pretty practical to have a week worth of snacks in your drawer than to be shacking it back and forth from home (I walk to work so really don't want to be weighing down my already heavy laptop bag with my 'daily allowance' of allowed snacks)

ittakes2 · 08/08/2019 10:19

I'm sorry I find it high unusual that you care. I would be delighted if my hubby was so inclined to buy and make his own food in this way.

Butterflyone1 · 08/08/2019 10:20

Oh my good are you controlling or what!!!

He's buying things to keep in his draw at work instead of having to remember to pick what snacks he'd like for the day before he heads to work. Are you serious??

I assume you're at home all day and the only vice your poor DH has is his snack draw (which he pays for!). Get a grip women.

SignedUpJust4This · 08/08/2019 10:21

Ltb

DMPI · 08/08/2019 10:25

YABU. And very controlling. Let your DH live FFS.

mrspotatohed · 08/08/2019 10:25

My boyfriend buys his own fruit and porridge sachets and peanut butter to take to work and I really couldn't care Confused

MyCatHatesEverybody · 08/08/2019 10:31

I agree with Horehound. There was not even a hint of resentment about the division of labour in the opening post other than feeling slighted that him buying his own work stuff was a reflection on her ability to do the food shop.

Also the DH looks after their DC whilst OP does the food shop - not that I'm applauding this at all but just pointing out that it's not like he's fucking off out doing a "hobby" whilst OP juggles shopping and the kids.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/08/2019 10:38

This is ridiculous. Who the hell takes offence at their partner having a pack of Tracker bars in their desk at work? Why do you need to buy them to prove you’re doing ‘a good job at the food shopping’?

I’m imagining you saying in a whiny little voice, ‘But I’m in charge of the food shopping’. Why do you need to be? And if you did buy his work snacks, would you then want to be policing how many of them he took to work? You already seem to have decided he doesn’t need extras when he already takes sandwiches and fruit. Learn to accept you’re not in charge of him.

feelingverylazytoday · 08/08/2019 10:39

OP, have you never worked in an office? I haven't, and I must admit this seems strange to me as well. When I worked you took your packed lunch in or went to the canteen if there was one,and that was it. I have never heard of people keeping a food stash in their desk drawer or car before, so this is news to me.