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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH's work food stash is weird and slightly annoying?

315 replies

FeatherySquawkington · 08/08/2019 08:34

So I do all the food shopping (we have 2DC) I make the dinner and pack the lunches. DH makes his own sandwiches for work and will take fruit but he actually buys masses of cereal bars, chocolate bars and his favourite crisps and keeps them at work in his desk drawers. I find it quite irritating that he has his own food stash when I do a good job at shopping and keeping everyone fed and would be more than happy to buy anything he put on the list. He says it's because it's easier than getting it out if the cupboard every morning, but he makes a sandwich and gets himself several pieces of fruit every day?

OP posts:
Findthewhitehorseonthehill · 08/08/2019 09:31

Popping into the shops to buy chocolate and crisps that you like is quick, easy.

Doing a weekly food shop for a family does require a bit of thought and organisation.

That's why he will do one and not the other.

It's a choice though, he could do the food shop if he wanted to.

I've found the best way to deal with dh when he acts like this is to keep it simple.

"Dh, can you do x because it's your turn I do it all the time". He usually makes some excuses about how it's not priority, he needs to do some other man tasks like sorting out the garage. "No dh, x really does need sorting now we've got no food in/the bathrooms filthy".

He usually then starts asking me how to do it so I say "you're an intelligent man dh, I'm sure you'll work it out, I can't help as I'm busy doing y".

JingsMahBucket · 08/08/2019 09:32

@CaptainMyCaptain oof. What a horrible feeling he must have had. Or did he just treat it as a matter of fact thing?

Due to being in several natural and manmade disasters I’m really aware of exits in places at times. I don’t mention it to many people but every once in a while I say something aloud to OH.

CharityConundrum · 08/08/2019 09:33

If you hate shopping that much and don't want to let him do it in case that annoys you as well, the simplest solution seems to be to make shopping less of a chore for you so that you don't resent his lack of enthusiasm for doing it himself. Can you shop online? That way you can both add things to the list and you just need to either collect it or be home when it's delivered.

Applejack5 · 08/08/2019 09:34

Why do people make such a big deal over the food shopping when it's so easy to just do it online?

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/08/2019 09:36

@CaptainMyCaptain oof. What a horrible feeling he must have had. Or did he just treat it as a matter of fact thing?

He was quite good humoured about it. Some of the younger women in the office used to tease him mildly 'Have you got your sandwiches Geoff?' type of thing. I was only there for a couple of weeks temping but it left an impression on me - what he must have gone through.

Pricedrop · 08/08/2019 09:36

@applejack5 I totally agree. I don't understand why everyone doesn't do it online/get delivery.

Findthewhitehorseonthehill · 08/08/2019 09:37

Yep, get it delivered, then let dh answer the door to the delivery driver Smile

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 08/08/2019 09:38

But nipping out during a 30 min lunch break to grab "drawer refills" and doing "the big shop" are totally different. If you do all the meal planning etc he probably doesn't want to upset the apple cart.
I do understand how annoying it is to be the one who does all the shopping, as this is me and to physically go to the shop is time consuming and tedious. Now I do a big monthly online shop which he and I do together one evening then a couple of little top up shops which take half an hour. Or DH does on his way home with a very specific list - otherwise I have experienced the same issue as the OP in that his wiring short circuits when faced with a wall of beans/tinned tomatoes/canned fish and not knowing which ones he should buy.

Jojobears · 08/08/2019 09:38

Eh? Why is this annoying? It’s totally normal, I think my entire team have a work stash of food in their desks. Are you a controlling person?

Billballbaggins · 08/08/2019 09:40

I think it’s fine, my husband has a stash of cereal bars and snacks in his work car, he still makes a sandwich every day so that is all he needs to remember in the morning. It’s handy having some snacks to hand.

fraxion · 08/08/2019 09:42

My husband's keeps a stash in his desk drawer to save taking stuff every day. Perfectly normal.

Luxesoap · 08/08/2019 09:43

I watched a documentary about Saturation Divers who work in capsules under the North Sea. They’re out there for a month at a time. One guy brings a suitcase packed with a bar of chocolate for every day he’s down there. I think it’s very normal to have a work stash.

SunniDay · 08/08/2019 09:44

Hi, I think you do need to reflect on why you want to micro manage your husband's food choices. He is an adult. What is it that is bugging you? Is he overweight and you are worried about his health? Try and think what is behind your feelings.

Do you not like to choose snacks and treats for yourself that you prefer? I know I do. I nag my husband because he loves cola drinks and un-nagged will drink 6+ a day. I worry for his health and the cost when he often buys those little bottles for more than the cost of two litres. But I only try to encourage him not to have too many/ not to have it for breakfast and in the end he will do what he likes.

ScatteredMama82 · 08/08/2019 09:45

eh? Sorry I don't get the problem here. I have work stash. It's entirely normal and if that's all you have to get irritated about then you're doing pretty well.

notoafternoontea · 08/08/2019 09:46

If I can speak on behalf of the OP, it sounds like her DH is making a special trip out to top up on his food while leaving the rest of life admin to her. That would drive me mad too. If he needs to top up his food stash, he should do it on the way to work, or while he's doing something else but if he has to make a special trip to the supermarket, then grow the hell up and do the weekly food shop while there, independently, without calls home.

I say that as someone who packs for three people when going on holiday, while he packs for one. I do all the food shopping and he gets the hump if I forget to get "his stuff." (I ignore the sulk, ask if it was on the list and if it wasn't, well. Too bad). So don't take me as a good example.

Benjispruce · 08/08/2019 09:46

My DH buys and keeps food at work- some in his drawers. Mainly fruit, nuts and the odd wagon wheelWink
Sometimes we buy it in the food shop but most of the time he goes out and buys it on a a Monday lunchtime. I don’t see the problem. He’s looking after himself after all.

Usherusherusher · 08/08/2019 09:49

YABU. And a bit odd

PurpleFlower1983 · 08/08/2019 09:51

My husband and I both do this, I’m on maternity leave at the moment but we both have our own stash of snacks at work whether it’s fruit, cereal bars, crisps etc.

cakecakecheese · 08/08/2019 09:51

I think you probably needed to say in the first place that it's not the stash so much that's the problem it's that he gets to pop to the shops for whatever he fancies and you're the one stuck with all the big essentials shopping. Online shopping as others have said can help with that or can you say to him that next time he pops out for cereal bars can he grab some tea bags or whatever you need so it takes less pressure off you?

flashdancer19 · 08/08/2019 09:52

@Benjispruce you need to address your DHs wagon wheel consumption, they are the food of the devil and cannot be treated as a nice treat. Quite frankly I'd LTB! Smile

SallyWD · 08/08/2019 09:55

Why on earth would this bother you?! I find it strange you're even interested let alone annoyed. I have a drawer at work for snacks. If I kept them at home other people would eat them or I'd keep forgetting to bring them in. The mornings are hectic enough as it is without having to remember my snacks each day. It's just common sense to keep a few snacks at work.

Constance1234 · 08/08/2019 09:56

I used to keep snacks in my desk at work, i would find it extremely odd if my husband a) even knew about them b) made a comment on them and c) was bothered enough to seek advice on an internet forum about it!

Benjispruce · 08/08/2019 09:57

Ha ha flash it is a running joke in our house. His defence is that they are smaller than they used to be!Grin

flashdancer19 · 08/08/2019 09:58

@Benjispruce being smaller is the only good thing about them, introduce him to the old fashioned club biscuit! Yum!

OneHanded · 08/08/2019 09:58

Ridiculous. I have a food drawer at work, it’s convenient and you always have what you fancy to hand that way.