To think DH's work food stash is weird and slightly annoying?

[FeatherySquawkington]

So I do all the food shopping (we have 2DC) I make the dinner and pack the lunches. DH makes his own sandwiches for work and will take fruit but he actually buys masses of cereal bars, chocolate bars and his favourite crisps and keeps them at work in his desk drawers. I find it quite irritating that he has his own food stash when I do a good job at shopping and keeping everyone fed and would be more than happy to buy anything he put on the list. He says it's because it's easier than getting it out if the cupboard every morning, but he makes a sandwich and gets himself several pieces of fruit every day?

I have this at work. Saves my carrying stuff in everyday

Do people not bother to read updates?

Op isn't annoyed because her dh has a stash, she's annoyed because he can go to the shops to buy food for himself, but won't do the family shop.

It's beyond stressful so I do it myself.

This happens so often, but honestly, he’s (presumably) a functioning adult with a job and ability to buy his own food, it shouldn’t be beyond him to pop into the supermarket on his way home and stock up on essentials. In your shoes I would give him the shopping list and then ignore his phone calls, let him actually engage his brain and think about it. He’d soon get the hang of it!

I used to have biscuits, crisps and cuppa-soups in my drawer.

Sometimes you just fancy something.

He wouldn't do the weekly shopping - I would get constant phonecalls/video calls asking me about everything on the list - so it's easier to do it your self. Win/Win for him - be stupid, make a few annoying phonecalls, get let off this annoying drudgery.

He needs more practice at household tasks, not less!

You need to let him do the weekly shop Op. Send him with the list, sit down with the phone beside you and wait for the calls. Tell him what he needs to know. Then let him do it again the next time. And again. After a few trips he’ll eventually get to know where to find stuff, what brands, etc. Then you can put the phone away and do something else .....

he regularly keeps packets of biscuits in the cupboard to munch on in the evening and nobody touches them unless offered

WHAAAAT? This is the weirdest thing about the thread IMO. Those biscuits would be GONE in our house 🤣

Totally agree that he should do his fair share of shopping. Why don't you get s delivery though?? Does he do other housework?

OP what is the actual problem here it is this a light-hearted AIBU? If this is an actual issue then Lord help us all.

Are you serious? Gosh you sound so controlling!

Without sounding harsh I don't think it has anything to do with you whether he has food at work? I'm so confused with this one!!

I enjoy my work food stash.. we have a small locket each for paperwork and mine is full of snacks

@FeatherySquawkington so it sounds like your OH is practicing deliberate helplessness around the shopping instead of helping out. YANBU definitely not in this case.

I buy my work food stash on my way to work when I run low. DH does the same... I just asked him because I genuinely had no idea whether or not he had one. Turns out we have similar things... cereal bars, nuts, a couple of cans of REAL coke for those days when you need a sugar hit..... I also have some fun size chocolate bars (kit kats mainly) and occasionally drop a little treat into a colleagues pigeonhole if I see they need a pick me up.

DH and I both have stuff in our drawers at work. I do all the shopping and meal planning but I couldn't care less what he has at work. Either I buy it or he does, it all comes out of the same money so I really don't care. I'd rather he had something he wanted. He makes his own food to take in but has "back up" tins of soup, rice pouches and pickled onion space raiders grown up crisps. I have lots of teas and coffee and some tins of soup in mine. And a tin of mackerel. Which I'm saving for when someone in my team has really pissed me off.
It seems like you're taking quite a normal thing a bit personally.
Plus maybe he likes having them at work as he knows for certain they won't get eaten by anyone else? It's better than him having a cupboard of his own at home and insisting no one is allowed near it.

I have my own work stash and so does DH?

Why on earth would you even care what food he has at work? Bizarre

Nothing really to do with the Op but I once worked with a man (in the early 1980s) who carried a pack of sandwiches everywhere with him. He had been in a Japanese Prisoner of War camp though and had a very real fear of starvation.

I think he needs more practise at food shops OP!!

People should really read the OP’s updates before firing off at the mouth.

I guess it’s kind of saying I’m separate to you and look after my own needs when I go to the ship. However I do buy multipacks of crisps sometimes for my work otherwise they get eaten at home.

It’s far easier to shop for yourself than a family. If you helped him out with a list I’m sure he would manage. You would have to accept his efforts mightn’t be to your standards.

It you feel your doing more than you fair share talk to him and figure something out.

Is he trying to save you the trouble maybe?
I also have teabags, crisps, apples and biscuits in my bottom drawer!
To be fair though I do this partly so DH doesn't eat all my biscuits... And those chocolate covered rice cakes from Aldi :)

Shop

Again, how does hin adding stuff to the food shop make the situation of him doing the food shopping any better?

Like pp I've gone from, "why on earth is that a problem??" to "Ahhhh, I totally get it!"

I would talk to him, not about the work stash (which is totally normal!) but about the general division of labour.

Maybe it makes sense for you to shop most of the time if you're at home for longer in the evenings but he could contribute at least some of the time. Does he have input on deciding what you will eat each evening and organising it? I find that the biggest faff

As for He wouldn't do the weekly shopping - I would get constant phonecalls/video calls asking me about everything on the list e.g where it was in the shop, which brand I wanted, what to replace something with if they were out of stock. It's beyond stressful so I do it myself

He's an adult, with a (presumably) responsible job. He can work this out himself but if you never (or rarely) 'give' him the opportunity then he won't ever take responsibility for it.

Just tell him to use his best judgement and refuse to take the call. It's not rocket science to pick up a tin of Campbell's soup if they're out of Heinz. If he has to walk around the supermarket three times to find the right aisle then he'll know where everything is for next time. Or he can order online if he prefers.

Obviously if he takes full responsibility for laundry and you do all the shopping then that's a bit different but it seems like any household/family stuff is 'your job' and 'his job' is looking after himself and that's the actual root of the irritation

I’d guess that your husband has always had a work stash and it’s a habit more than anything. I’d suggest to train hubby up grocery shopping. Write down the brands you want and if it’s a regular shop you could break the items into aisles. You may be bothered by phone calls the first few weeks, but he’ll get the hang of it.