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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To roller skate in a crematorium

230 replies

whitershadeofpale · 07/08/2019 22:06

I’ve been learning to skate at a roller derby fundamentals programme and I’m loving it- however I’m not very good and need lots of practice.

I’m not good enough to skate on uneven ground and feel very self conscious about being a woman in her mid thirties struggling to stay upright!

All of the parks nearby are very busy and hilly and uneven so not suitable for skating. I was moaning about it to DP who suggested the local crematorium, it has lovely gardens and a really smooth wide car park that would be perfect for skating on.

My instant reaction was that it would be disrespectful and wrong but when he asked me why I couldn’t articulate it. I’ve been jogging there before and see joggers every time I’m there (you cut through it to get to local playing fields and a play park) plus dog walkers, cyclists and just people going for a walk.

Obviously I’d never dream of practising at any time when a service might be on, but would it be so terrible in the evening or early morning? Logically I think DP is right and it’s just exercise the same as running but somehow it seems too exuberant and joyous to be appropriate, what do you think, wibu to skate at a quite time?

OP posts:
Miljah · 08/08/2019 12:43

Gosh, this has all the MN hallmarks!

The OP has been asked if she's always this rude? A poster has been told she's unfit for a job because she doesn't agree with another poster; pages in we have posters frothing about graves when there aren't any as made clear very early on; we have endless projection, This is what I think, therefore this is the correct thing.

And someone accusing the OP of 'whining like a little child'.

MN has become ridiculous.

HeronLanyon · 08/08/2019 12:48

miljah also just like mn we’ve had reasonable balanced posters helping op understand why for some it would be inappropriate. Also just like mn some of us have been called weird despite being in process of grief and balanced and trying g properly to help op understand.

Badcat666 · 08/08/2019 13:22

To all the people saying "but there aren't any graves".

Yes there are no graves BUT

*peoples ashes will be scattered in the gardens of remembrance (you know, those "lovely gardens")
*memorials plaques will be laid in the gardens of remembrance
*people will visit the gardens of remembrance outside the working hours of the crematorium and will use the car park

OP - have you checked the rules and regulations of the crematorium?

The two I have had to use did not permit skateboards and the max was 10MPH for cars etc and I think one even only allowed cycling at 5MPH. (weird how that sticks in my mind cos mum cycled everywhere when I was growing up)

Also, do you have insurance in case you do hit any vehicles in the car park? I can imagine the car park will have CCTV (the one near me does)

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 08/08/2019 13:23

A poster has been told she's unfit for a job because she doesn't agree with another poster

A poster has been told that his/her ATTITUDE is unfitted for a post in a highly sensitive industry. This is because s/he refers to the potential feelings of users of that industry who are bereaved, grieving and not necessarily rational in this state, as 'weird', if for whatever reason they want the sanctity of the one place set aside to recognize that grief, preserved.

I stand fully by my statement that this kind of attitude/person is unfitted to working with bereaved, vulnerable people.

Please don't twist other posters' comments to suit your own petty agenda.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/08/2019 13:27

For me, I think the difference is that people are running or jogging through, and those are quite quiet, natural activities. Your skating wouldn't be the same, because you wouldn't be passing through - although no-one even cycles through mine, they dismount and walk. It's a respect thing I think, somehow - it plays to the idea that you're quietly reflecting as you walk/jog/run through.

Illogical maybe, but I think I'd give it a miss because I wouldn't want to risk upsetting anyone, or feel anxious about it!

HotChocolateLover · 08/08/2019 13:40

I really don’t see what the problem is. People go for walks and runs so what’s the difference with skating? Like you said, you won’t do it during services so no problem. My deceased grandpa would have found this sort of thing hilarious 😂

Chakano · 08/08/2019 13:44

I can't believe you are even asking.
It would upset me so much if I saw this, I go for the peace and to reflect, I think I'd complain and get you removed tbh.

Are you and your dp really that dense?

SciFiScream · 08/08/2019 13:48

Your recent update about your level of skill reinforces my belief you can (and should) skate on the pavement near your house.

Also quad skates are noisy (I love the noise).

Just watch out for pedestrians and be prepared to do a knee tap stop.

Having skated in a parade I can vouch for the PP who said that even highly trained skaters can come a cropper with a tiny stone. I'm not highly trained and it took a grain of dirt as small as a hamma bead to make me fall flat on my face in front of everyone at the parade!

Original poster
whitershadeofpale · 08/08/2019 13:49

Who do you think would be there to complain to in an out of hours crematorium carpark @Chakano ? I don't think it's me or DP who's dense...

OP posts:
Badcat666 · 08/08/2019 13:54

@SciFiScream

OMG!! were you ok?? (I gave up learning to rollar-blading back in the 90's because I was sure tiny bits of gravel were trying to hunt me down and kill me!)

Original poster
whitershadeofpale · 08/08/2019 13:54

I appreciate that a lose stone could make me fall, the pavements near me are all very narrow with lots or pedestrians and cars parked on the pavements so they're not ideal.

I think that I just have to continue doing what I have which is my fundamentals training (which is indoors and on a summer break) topped up travelling further afield to find a suitable patk/ outdoor space. I wish there was somewhere nearby so I could just do 1/2hr or so a few times a week but I don't think it's feasible.

My knee taps thankfully are strong!

OP posts:
NoTheresa · 08/08/2019 14:01

BettysLeftTentacle

No. It would be hugely disrespectful. Do you really need to ask?

And other posters are patronising hmm

Good. My post struck a chord.

Dolphinia · 08/08/2019 14:02

I think it would be disrespectful, sorry

BettysLeftTentacle · 08/08/2019 14:08

This is because s/he refers to the potential feelings of users of that industry who are bereaved, grieving and not necessarily rational in this state, as 'weird',

No she didn’t. The word ‘weird’ was used in relation to the posters on this thread who have whipped them self up into an overblown frenzy for no apparent reason. Who’s twisting words now?

I stand fully by my statement that this kind of attitude/person is unfitted to working with bereaved, vulnerable people.

You’re wrong. Her pragmatism, ability to not project, keep her sensitivities in check and keep perspective is exactly what is looked for in candidate for a position in this ‘industry’. Someone using roller skates in carpark, a good distance away from the building and gardens isn’t even in the same league as some of the things she sees and deals with on a daily basis. I can’t blame her for not getting worked up about this.

People are projecting on this thread and that’s understandable, there’s an awful approach and understanding about death in this society but a lot of these posts, including yours @MarieIVanArkleStinks, are just vile and uncalled for. Get some insight before you start telling people that you don’t even know the name of, that they’re not fit to do their jobs. Failing that get some reading comprehension.

SciFiScream · 08/08/2019 14:09

Narrow spaces are ideal for juking and laterals. You could also practise your transitions (both sides!) and your derby stop or hockey stops.

You could practise your jumps and one foot balance skills.

Heck some people even practise in their living room on a hard floor!

What skill is it you want to practise? You could pick a space based on the skills.

Off skates do lots of squats (GET LOWER!!!)

SciFiScream · 08/08/2019 14:11

@Badcat666 I was fine. Had all my pads on and my helmet (because for the parade I was wearing the jammer panty!)
Only my pride was injured.

(Jammer panty = helmet cover)

I'm normally more a blocker than a jammer. Though I do love speed skating.

Original poster
whitershadeofpale · 08/08/2019 14:13

I’m doing squats like crazy including one leg squats and seem to spend most of the day telling myself chest up, bum down 😂

I’d like to practice crossovers and get stronger on my ploughs when at speed. Oddly my transitions and t stops are ok.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 08/08/2019 14:28

Ok having seen the skills you want to practise I definitely think the crem car park is the wrong place regardless of time of day.

Plus doing it in Moxies outside is different to doing those skills in your R3s on a surface more like the track. It will be completely different around your ankles for a start! Put outdoor wheels on your R3s to practise those skills outside. Once you have the skills nailed you'll be able to switch between skates easily then but I wouldn't recommend that for consolidating the skills.

There's off skates work you can do for cross overs (look on google)

Cross overs and plough stops at speed are not suitable for a crem car park.

If one of my league skaters was doing that I'd have words with them and ask them to find a safer space to skate.

Original poster
whitershadeofpale · 08/08/2019 14:38

Great, thank you @SciFiScream Smile

OP posts:
Chakano · 08/08/2019 15:31

I run a crematorium and after hours I see no issue with it. ... I think people are being a bit weird about this.

I hope somebody does something to upset you when you are remembering your loved ones in a place designated for that purpose.
Maybe the bereaved should sit in the skating park, it's just as bloody daft.
I blame your parents OP.

Puddingmama2017 · 08/08/2019 15:35

For what it’s worth, this wouldn’t bother me personally and I wouldn’t see it as disrespectful. The only thing I’d be aware of would be not wearing headphones so you could be aware of your surroundings and any potential comings/goings that might indicate a need for you to pause quietly for a moment. Even in grief I don’t feel I’d have a issue with someone doing this particularly if they respectfully stopped for a moment to allow someone who may or may not be mourning to pass rather than continuing.

Original poster
whitershadeofpale · 08/08/2019 16:03

What the fuck is wrong with you @Chakano? I've asked a question that arose from a discussion, I haven't done anything wrong and even if I had skated in a car park of a crematorium, out of hours, then I think that this thread attests to the fact that a fair amount of people wouldn't care. However I agree with the majority of people who would find it a bit distasteful. Very few people have been whipping themselves up in a tizz the way you have, because a) I haven't done anything b) I have no plans to do anything and c) It wouldn't ultimately be that big a deal if I did!

As for I blame your parents OP. As I've already said at least one of mine is deceased, but at least before they died that made sure my comprehensive skills were up to snuff and I have the ability to go through life without creating dramas where there aren't any, it's a pity yours didn't do the same.

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 08/08/2019 16:03

Its not a park, people shouldn't be jogging either.

BettysLeftTentacle · 08/08/2019 16:07

Apart from it is @imusic87.

See: both the crematorium and cemetery that’s attached to it listed as a local park.

Good grief what is going on today?!