To roller skate in a crematorium

[whitershadeofpale]

I’ve been learning to skate at a roller derby fundamentals programme and I’m loving it- however I’m not very good and need lots of practice.

I’m not good enough to skate on uneven ground and feel very self conscious about being a woman in her mid thirties struggling to stay upright!

All of the parks nearby are very busy and hilly and uneven so not suitable for skating. I was moaning about it to DP who suggested the local crematorium, it has lovely gardens and a really smooth wide car park that would be perfect for skating on.

My instant reaction was that it would be disrespectful and wrong but when he asked me why I couldn’t articulate it. I’ve been jogging there before and see joggers every time I’m there (you cut through it to get to local playing fields and a play park) plus dog walkers, cyclists and just people going for a walk.

Obviously I’d never dream of practising at any time when a service might be on, but would it be so terrible in the evening or early morning? Logically I think DP is right and it’s just exercise the same as running but somehow it seems too exuberant and joyous to be appropriate, what do you think, wibu to skate at a quite time?

No, I don’t get what you mean at all, Mumsy. You’ll have seen life going on in all it’s technicolour glory on the way to the cemetery and on your way home.
It doesn’t need to rollerskate all around you when you’re actually inside.

The crematorium is in the middle of the cemetery here.
Everybody uses it as a short cut, somewhere to jog, somewhere to learn to drive.
The unwritten rule seems to be stay away from the Crem building when there is a funeral. And don't play music as you drive through ever.

I don't see any problem with it, it's not as if you'll be skating through the funeral procession.

On the day of my mums cremation a pair of pricks - men around 30odd - (one on a skateboard and one on an electric scooter) we're flying round the beautiful memorial gardens.

I was in a state of extreme distress and lost my rag.

I've never vented so much anger at two strangers in all my life. My DDad had to pull me away because I felt like ripping their heads off.

That's what seeing people 'having fun' in a place full of sadness and grieving does to a (normally perfectly placid) person.
Don't do it.
Whether it's 7am or 8pm - it's wrong.

I'm sure that the cremation carries out the cremations of people who had no family, were unknown, couldn't afford a ceremony at those times anyway.

It would be unreasonable. It’s not going to look great. If there’s a grieving family around just going in/ coming out of the Crematorium and you’re waltzing around on roller boots. However I’m contradicting myself now, but. I think I’d have laughed, tbh. If i saw someone roller skating near my mum/dads service. I’d think they’d gone potty.

I must stress. Me saying I’d have laughed is not me saying I think it’s okay for you to do it. I just mean on a personal level.
Mind you even if it is taken that way. If I said it was okay to put your hand in a bucket of acid, I highly doubt you would.

OP I don’t think you need to grow up. Rollerskating much better than driving into the carpark of the crematorium!
You sound great and like you are giving this careful consideration. As you said, it’s not a graveyard, and you would be doing it when no one was there anyway. I think it’s fine.

Also well done for being brave enough to take up roller skating in your thirties!

Thanks @SciFiScream I aspire to bonts, I just have R3s but I have a lovely pair of Moxis for outdoor skating.

I’m only on 21 in 5 so far so still have a way to go. Once my crossovers are better I’m sure it will come. Unfortunately I’m far from Scotland but that sounds great.

If in doubt, don’t. As this thread shows, some people are fine with it, some people aren’t. It has the potential to upset anyone who happens to be visiting/tending a memorial and I guess if the grounds are open out of hours then anyone there could be taking time to visit a loved one. There is a different between someone jogging in one gate and out through the other and someone spending an hour on the premises perfecting their Snake Walk and Travelling Toe Pivots.

Just practice in the hilly park! You won't get good enough for derby just skating round a flat track. You realise people are going to be hitting you and deliberately trying to knock you over?! You need to develop an ability to skate over unexpected bits in order to develop your balance and reactions so that you automatically adjust your weight etc to keep upright without even having to think about it. Learn to do this as you learn rather than learning to skate and then learning to skate over tricky bits.

Plus, even the seemingly smoothest of surfaces seem to develop rocks and inclined and eleven bits the second you put skates on your feet. The crem probably isn't as smooth as you think!

Good luck, it's an awesome sport 😊

@whitershadeofpale I run a crematorium and after hours I see no issue with it. We close at 5 but our gates remain open til 10. Life goes on after death. We have a huge car park which is perfect for roller skating. I think people are being a bit weird about this

Also, practicing falling is just as, if not more, important than practicing skating! Don't be afraid of it, just learn to do it safely

"Ah right, so you’ve visited the exact same one as OP is talking about @HeadintheiClouds? And there was memorials and interments in the carpark? Are you having a bad day because it seems like you’re unable to grasp the basic facts of OPs posts."

One supposes that bereaved and grieving people might be using the aforementioned car park in order to park their car prior to walking in the remembrance gardens.

Personally, i would rather roller skate somewhere else than run the risk of upsetting someone who is grieving. There are enough people on this thread alone, including people who have direct and personal experience, who would find it upsetting to make most right-thinking people pause for thought.

It is a space provided for people to remember loved ones. There aren't that many of them, so why encroach? Why even risk upsetting someone who is mourning?

"We have a huge car park which is perfect for roller skating."

Is there a list of what is acceptable in the car park? Or any leisure activity is fine?

To me it depends entirely on the geography.

There's a crematorium very much like the one you describe near me. There's an area of level ground fairly close to where services are held. I think it would be really inappropriate to skate there and would feel intrusive. However, there's also a wide road/path that leads away from it, to a cul de sac (with no house around it). I think it would be fine to do it in those places.

The thread title has got me laughing like an idiot! Such an earnest but ridiculous question

Personally, I wouldn't. It seems like a very flippant thing to do in what can be a hallowed and peaceful place for many. I'm imagining someone tumbling around like Frank Spencer behind a family trying to have a quiet reflection. I'd be looking for a leisure centre that has a rollerskating session.

@hellodarkness the car park is some way from the gardens of remembrance. A person skating around at about 8pm is not going to be noticed.

But ‘a person skating about at 8pm’ would have been seen by me who had popped back for some flowers and photos and with my dp who when there visited the place where their mums ashes are in a garden in view of car park.

I am also really surprised by someone running a crematorium (above) saying those of us recently bereaved and having gone through raw grief and using crematoria for services and places of remembrance and reflection , with mixed views or thinking it would not be appropriate are ‘wierd’.

Day to day - great the op is having fun rollerblading - I too have fun doing (badly) things like kayaking etc. Yes life goes on. Yes some would not mind in the slightest. Yes I took comfort in the days after both parents’ deaths in seeing young kids, other elderly parents with family etc.

But this thread highlights that many would find it difficult to accept. It’s surely not at all weird to respect the very particular and strong sensitivities of those experiencing grief and have fun elsewhere ?

Kermit - yes but obviously if you allow recreational activities for one person you've got to allow it for everyone haven't you, it's not like you're offering vip access. So what activities are ok and which aren't? Would you allow skateboarding? Would you allow basketball? Would you allow people to meet to look at each other's cars? Would you allow picnics, all night drinking? Genuinely curious at who decides, and how.

@whitershadeofpale I aspire to Moxies! They are beautiful.

Just skate on any pavement. Wear your pads. You probably won't need the helmet though as not doing any contact.

A pavement would do for loads of the mins.

I noticed loads of typos in my post! DYAC (damn you autocorrect)

Where do the skateboarders in your area skate? Go there!

Ask on any of the UK roller derby Facebook pages for location recommendations.

IMHO I think skating in a crem, at whatever time in whatever space is just on the boundary of right and not right.

Think of the reputation of your league too.

Just wrong

I can’t believe you are even asking this. It is inappropriate. I do not care about your roller skating wishes, choose somewhere appropriate to gratify them. Even at a quiet time, it is still inappropriate. My Father and Aunt died last year within a week of each other, it was hard enough to go through two cremations in a week. It is a sacred space.

Disrespectful but also unable to articulate why. I think purely because rollerskating is a fun thing to do, not a necessary thing like walking. I always found it weird when goths at school would hang out in the cemetery too, it’s not supposed to be a fun place to hang out.

It’s not about respect for the dead people really, more the bereaved who may be visiting.

Can’t you find a local skate park?