To roller skate in a crematorium

[whitershadeofpale]

I’ve been learning to skate at a roller derby fundamentals programme and I’m loving it- however I’m not very good and need lots of practice.

I’m not good enough to skate on uneven ground and feel very self conscious about being a woman in her mid thirties struggling to stay upright!

All of the parks nearby are very busy and hilly and uneven so not suitable for skating. I was moaning about it to DP who suggested the local crematorium, it has lovely gardens and a really smooth wide car park that would be perfect for skating on.

My instant reaction was that it would be disrespectful and wrong but when he asked me why I couldn’t articulate it. I’ve been jogging there before and see joggers every time I’m there (you cut through it to get to local playing fields and a play park) plus dog walkers, cyclists and just people going for a walk.

Obviously I’d never dream of practising at any time when a service might be on, but would it be so terrible in the evening or early morning? Logically I think DP is right and it’s just exercise the same as running but somehow it seems too exuberant and joyous to be appropriate, what do you think, wibu to skate at a quite time?

No. It would be hugely disrespectful. Do you really need to ask?

Kermit was using ‘weird’ in relation to the posters that seem to have deliberately looked over the facts so that they can take the opportunity to berate the OP for no apparent reason. But since you want to go there @HeronLanyon, I’m in a similar line of work to kermit and I find a lot of the attitudes towards death on this thread a bit weird. Especially when they’re used to beat OP over the head with when all she wants to do is have a discussion about something that was suggested to her. If people on this thread actually had anything to contribute, rather than just frothing at the mouth, they would have noticed that actually OP agrees with them.

One of the weirdest posts I’ve seen on here

We HAVE read the OP. Do try not to patronise other posters.

Not been here long @IceIceCoffee?

My late DM and DF had their ashes scattered in the garden of what was the local crematorium, and there is a plaque in memory of my cousin, who died as a toddler; I barely remember him, but I am closest, geographically, when it comes to taking in flowers on birthdays, anniversaries etc.
But I have moved away from the immediate area, so until I retired, my only option was to drive over at the end of the day's work, when the services were over, but the grounds were still open.
I'm not a downbeat person, but the carpark is the spot where I can sit and collect my thoughts before going over to the memorials; I'm not really in the mood for jolly rollerskaters whizzing past.
I know that life goes on, and I try to take that attitude to my own life, but sometimes places are quiet for a reason.

Not RTFT.
No, I couldn't do this.
Just seems so disrespectful. I get where people are saying "life goes on", yes of course it does but does that mean you have to be disrespectful or unthinking towards others?
People could be going to visit loved ones, be newly grieving, want a bit of quiet time and someone skating around could be disracting/upsetting.
Consideration for others is key.

Thanks @twoshedsjackson I appreciate that insight.

No. It would be hugely disrespectful. Do you really need to ask?

And other posters are patronising

I go to places of rest because they are quiet and peaceful and to share the time with those that have gone and my companion.

I would not appreciate someone treating a place of respect and peace as a playground. Please find a park or even a skate park.

@HeadintheiClouds If you'd read my post fully you will see I said no to the roller skating 🙄

betsy I didn’t ‘decide to go there’ at all in my post. That and my previous posts have been quite balanced and respectful of differing experiences of grief. Despite very recently suffering the death of my lovely old ma.
I certainly have not ‘frothed at the mouth’.
Good lord. Really upset you’d criticise my post that way on this topic of all topics.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at somebody running so what makes skating so different?

• Skating is playing. All humans have to walk to get around. Running is just a quicker version of a normal activity. Skating requires equipment and therefore is out of the norm and is more of a game. Playing in place where the dead are put to rest is disrespectful

*Runners are just passing through and are gone in a moment. If you are practising when skating you aren't passing through, you are staying to skate round and round which if people find it irritating and disrespectful, becomes more so because you are staying there.

*Skating is noisy compare to running.

*Novice skaters are rarely in control. I am a very good inline skater through lessons and lots of practice. A HUGE problem with roller skating is that it is very easy to pull on some skates and go fast but a much more skilled job to stop safely and under control. The same is true of ice skating which is one of the reasons that there are so many accidents at the pop-up rinks you get in London and elsewhere at Christmas.

This makes it doubley disrespectful for others there because not only are you engaging in play but those around you will legitimately worry that you may get out of control, they have to avoid you, you may damage cars (you can laugh if you like but I've seen too many people use anything to stop themselves when out of control).

*There are plenty of other places you can practice. As others have said, supermarket car parks are good. If you start to look around many kids playground areas have skate parks. Sports stadiums often have flat pedestrian areas around the perimeter.

You are an adult woman and you should really know better than to ask this and then keep whining like a little child but what's the difference with walking?*. Imagine your mother had just died and you were going there, put yourself in that person's shoes seeing a grown woman pratting around on roller skates.

There's no getting away from it: this would be tantamount to using a place of peace, rest and sometimes raw grief, as a recreation ground.

Of course the dead are not going to mind. But the living might (and might even if you didn't zip past a funeral cortege at full throttle). There are times and places for certain things, and crematorium grounds are not the place for rollerskating - not at any time.

Please don't do this, OP. Your first inclination that this would be disrespectful was the right one.

I run a crematorium and after hours I see no issue with it. ... I think people are being a bit weird about this.

Then I hope to God you never come into contact with bereaved, vulnerable people. And forgive me if this appears in any way out of turn, but I suggest that with this attitude, you are not a fit holder of this post.

What Mariel said. Couldn’t have put it better.

I fully agree, Mariel. But I don’t believe it for a moment, either; thankfully.

Some of your points are valid @BlackberryBeret but shit like this: You are an adult woman and you should really know better than to ask this and then keep whining like a little child but what's the difference with walking?* rather undermines your point and makes you look a tad stupid, considering I've done nothing of the sort. I have lost a parent and if I was at a crematorium after hours it would bother me if someone was 'pratting about' on skates as long as they weren't near memorial gardens or being noisy. I realise others don't feel that way though hence posting to see what the consensus would be.

And fyi I'm in control enough not to damage any cars whereever I was to skate.

I wouldn’t purely for the practical reason that people who visit cemeteries most are usually the very, very oldest people and a skating collision with someone elderly can hurt or kill them.

Because there is absolutely nowhere else, in the entire world, you could do this?

but shit like this: You are an adult woman and you should really know better than to ask this and then keep whining like a little child but what's the difference with walking? rather undermines your point and makes you look a tad stupid, considering I've done nothing of the sort*

Oh yes you have. It's exactly what you have done. You're just refering to my post as "shit like this" and saying I look stupid because the truth has obviously touched a nerve. Just read back through your own thread.

OP: My instant reaction was that it would be disrespectful and wrong but when he asked me why I couldn’t articulate it. I’ve been jogging there before . . . Logically I think DP is right and it’s just exercise the same as running

Insert various replies explaining why

Then you posted:

Wed 07-Aug-19 23:04:00
... I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at somebody running so what makes skating so different?

More replies to the same effect but still you then post

...Eating lunch, walking and jogging are not the same as roller skating OP my gut agrees with you but logically I can see no difference, can you explain why?

To me that is repeated whining "BUT WHHHHHYYY?"

And fyi I'm in control enough not to damage any cars whereever I was to skate.

The fact you would say this shows your lack of experience. I've seen highly skilled near professional skaters go flying when they've had a stone caught under their wheel at speed.

Do you have a skatepark near you? My favourite outdoor place to quad skate is at the skatepark. The concrete at my local is lovely and smooth. You don't need to go near the ramps (though you may end up tempted to work up to them) just skate around the perimeter. Early on a weekday morning should be really quiet and give you a good opportunity to practice.

It does seem disrespectful and whilst services may not be going on, cremations may still be happening. I popped to my dads ashes a few weeks back around 6:30 at night and there was coffins being taken in for cremation (I’m guessing it was a direct cremation) so I think it would still be disrespectful tbh

If your looking for car parks maybe back of council offices?

I also think if kids see an adult doing it then they are likely to think it’s ok too and won’t necessarily think about times

@BlackberryBeret there's no nerve touched, I just think that when I've very clearly stated that I haven't done it and that I'm not going to do it it doesn't really qualify as whining. Asking if posters can help me articulate my own feelings on the subject is not the same thing at all. Very few posters have done this and I've thanked those that have, most people have been like me just having a gut reaction that it's not right but without a logical reason why.