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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fat shamed at airport

213 replies

Misslu · 06/08/2019 21:49

Myself and my husband recently travelled back home from our all inclusive chill out holiday. The nature of the hotel was adults only, generally adult couples or mother daughter groups however there was two younger 20 girls who were at our hotel and also on our flights.

Myself and my husband have a bit of a tradition of having an Indian takeaway the night we return from holiday. It started on our honeymoon and we have carried it on ever since. In the queue for check in my dh reminded me of our tradition and asked me what I was having... As a joke I repeated the part from Gavin and Stacey and quoted smithys whole order.

Anyway hours later we are waiting for our baggage at the other end and these girls are directly in front of me. One girl turns to the other girl and said 'OMG did you hear thay girl in the check in queue' 'which one?' 'You know that annoying, fat one, with the massive double chin, you know she was at our hotel, you should have heard her saying what she was ordering from the Indian, greedy bitch'

At this point I was standing inches away from her, I didn't say anything but it has really hurt me.

For context, I've put on some weight recently (personal stress and comfort eating) and I'm a large 16. Already lacking in confidence about my figure and cringing at photos of me all week. I feel like this has really put a downer on an amazing holiday and tainted my memories. I really wish I had said something at the time but I was just so embarrassed.

OP posts:
kateandme · 06/08/2019 23:51

well what a deeply inpleasant woman.
who gives a crap whether you are fat.have third eye or the tail of a tiger sticking out your ass. you are you.enjoying a holiday and enjoying the thought of your gorgeous tradition.sounds bloody bliis to me.and what is she looking forward to.being a nasty bitter little bitch.that is judgmental and horrid of someone she doesnt know.so who would you rahter be.happy you.or bitter bitch.
you can or might or might not lose weight.you might gain.that is your vehicle for the journey and joy of life your traveling.its not you.and its not for her to judge.or be a little vile mean girl.
lose the thoughts and inner shame and hate.your beautiful becasue your you.she on the other hand is far from it.

TwistyTop · 06/08/2019 23:58

I think you just have to try and forget. I know it's so much easier said than done but the moment has passed now.

Anyway, if she hasn't seen Gavin and Stacey then she's the one who is missing out!

pallisers · 07/08/2019 00:03

The OP overheard a private conversation
Yes its hurtful but dont all pretend all you mumsnet pearl clutchers dont form opinions of your own about people

It wasn't a private conversation. It was a conversation in an airport queue said loudly enough to be heard by the person a few feet back. Most adults have enough sense not to say highly critical things about particular people that will offend classes of people in public. They do it in their own living rooms.

We all form opinions (I have formed one about you simply by your use of the misogynistic cliche "pearl-clutcher") but we don't say them out loud in public where others can hear. Because here is the thing - and amazing that someone reading the OP needs this pointing out to them - the people you are opining about are likely to hear and will be offended. Amazed I had to explain that to an adult tbh.

Durgasarrow · 07/08/2019 00:22

That kind of unpleasant behavior will get her in trouble. And she is losing the opportunity to make some great friends who happen to be larger sized. I adore my friends who are plus size and feel very fortunate to have these wonderful individualsand individuals they are, as are all peoplein my life. They don't know you, don't know what gifts you hold, what your sense of humor is, how capable you are, how loyal, all the many layers of the complex being you are. But there are people who do know you and love you. And when they look at you, they see someone they love.

redcarbluecar · 07/08/2019 00:25

Hate the term ‘fat shaming’ sooooo much. It implies some justification for being rude and weird, which she was. Bollocks to her and her mate; their opinion means nowt. As you were, OP.

tolerable · 07/08/2019 00:38

islands in the stream babe.fuck them.you can get skinnier.get fatter. you can be a cnut. ya livewith your own choices actions and results.if thats the only reason she stood out....it tells alot.....

TayoTheLittleBus · 07/08/2019 00:54

What would Nessa do?

HairToday79 · 07/08/2019 00:56

Oh yes...she will age and things may happen to her body etc but do you know what ...you have a lovely husband who clearly adores you and you seem a nice human being, unlike her who may never be at peace....People can be arseholes. 😑
I'm still getting over being likened to CZJ a few years ago (😃) and then called a monster when I put on weight last winter...
Every day it is in the back of my head and I logically know that one person should not be affecting my perspective like this but I do understand you as it's with me each day😔

Chakano · 07/08/2019 00:58

Marilyn Monroe was a size 16. I wish you a happier life but she was a beauty.
You are who you are and if you want to lose weight you will in your own time. I bet you look lovely, maybe they are jealous of your curves.

escapade1234 · 07/08/2019 01:07

You should have said “Oh, what’s going on? If I wants a Jam Dani Hash, I’ll have one. Now, how about an omelette as well. Tidy.”

escapade1234 · 07/08/2019 01:09

“I won’t lie to you, I’m having a pint as well. Of wine.”

flatulencebythebucket · 07/08/2019 01:14

You should lose weight really, not for her but for your own health.

SemperIdem · 07/08/2019 01:32

Op - she was a rude, spiteful bitch. There is absolutely no need for someone to speak about someone else that way. Please don’t let it upset you.

@Chakano Marilyn Monroe was not a 21st century size 16. Have you never seen a photo of her?

Owlpoorlypaw · 07/08/2019 02:10

Oh Misslu, I am also on the tight side of a 16 at the moment, hate it, and yes, can understand how hurtful their comments must have been. However, how thick must they be - isn’t the Smithy order something like three bhunas, chips, sides and ten poppadoms - I cannot seriously imagine anyone would order that for themselves hence why it’s funny! If they were 20ish they probably won’t know the programme as I remember it being most popular around my 30th - 12 years ago. I would take solace in the fact that you’ve just had a wonderful holiday with your loving husband who you obviously have a great bond with and how unhappy must they be that their only discussion after the same holiday that you describe (chill out/AI) is to slag off another guest for no reason - they deserve nothing more than to be laughed at and pitied for their ignorance/stupidity in what obviously was a joke between a loving couple, their comments on physical appearance highlight their own insecurities. Bet you looked great In your bikini!

CrumpetyTea · 07/08/2019 02:31

I think the reaction has been over the top - slapping them etc- not necessary. I think there is a world of difference between saying things deliberately to be overheard or directly to the person - or just saying something to your friend and not thinking about whether you can be overheard. Do you think they meant you to hear?
Fat shaming is if they had harassed you directly about it or very publicly. I'm not saying it wasn't a horrible thing for them to have said.
The problem is that its an issue that you are uncomfortable with and more sensitive about - you didn't react to the "annoying" comment which I would find a lot more hurtful

Yeahnahmum · 07/08/2019 02:42

Here i go again:
If you are miserable about how you look/how much you weigh
Lose the weight!

And F that girl. She was deliberately trying to stir things up.

onioncrumble · 07/08/2019 04:56

This is the kind of thing that would affect me for ages. Just horrible. I am trying very hard to change the way I think and respond with kindness as an instinct. Even if you have unwelcome, unpleasant thoughts, empathy and kindness prevent most of us from verbalising them. I am so sorry, please try to ignore it.
I fear the Daily Mail will pick this up and advertise for the culprit to sell her story. Best get it deleted as it's very outing. X

isabellerossignol · 07/08/2019 05:24

It's depressing that so many people's response to this is to 'just lose weight'. The OP's weight isn't the issue here, their rudeness is. You can bet that if it wasn't her weight they'd be sneering at her, or someone else, for having frizzy hair, or big boobs, or a crooked nose. Because that's how people like this are.

And as for 20 year olds are assholes with no life experience and great metabolisms, that just sounds like bitterness. Even at 20 I was aware that other people had feelings and decency means you don't try to hurt them. Even my 13 year old knows that.

KatherineJaneway · 07/08/2019 06:02

after they've squeezed something the size of a melon out of something the size of a lemon

Look who's talking quote?

MandalaYogaTapestry · 07/08/2019 06:04

isabelle only one poster has suggested that the OP might want to lose weight

18YearsAMummy · 07/08/2019 06:05

Don’t let what they said to you, get to you.

A size 16 isn’t even big!

cheesemongery · 07/08/2019 06:15

Ah don't go listing your size just because these airheads have made you feel crap - it's completely irrelevant. Your and your dearest had a lovely holiday and were making funny plans between yourselves for when you get home.

I'm flying off with DD in a couple of weeks, I'm probably about the same size as you - I feel a tradition coming on... Chinese though Grin

Think no more of it, I'm sure they haven't!

BloomingHydrangea · 07/08/2019 06:21

Marilyn Monroe was a size 16.

That isn't true. Sizes have changed across the years. She was from the USA where a size 16 would be a US 18 now.

Her measurements were 36-24-34 in 1945 and at her heaviest in 1959 her belt was 28.5 inches.

She was a Uk size 8-10 by current sizing- link to website where her actual clothes have been measured

themarilynmonroecollection.com/marilyn-monroe-true-size/

CatteStreet · 07/08/2019 06:23

'Silly immature little madams.

They forget they will get older, have children, change body shape, get cellulite, probably some stretch marks, definitely lines and wrinkles.

One day they may well be on the same side you were today, with some silly juvenile twat making some vile unnecessary comment about their appearance'.

This is the way I'd see it, OP. It sounds as if this young woman hasn't (mindset-wise) left Year 8 yet. It does make her look terribly unpleasant, vulgar and vacuous to be making such comments in public.

You seem distressed about your weight - perhaps try and take some measures for your own wellbeing, particularly wrt the comfort eating, which is a very temporary kind of fix.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/08/2019 06:28

Here’s the thing, you can lose weight (if you want), but she’ll always be nasty.

By the way, we have the same tradition with a Chinese.
💐💐💐