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Original poster

Sad that I'll never have a Son

153 replies

AlwaysFuckingTired94 · 06/08/2019 21:49

DP and I are done having children. We have two wonderful DDs and I feel very privileged to have them. But I can't help but feel sad that I'll never have a Son. For some reason I always thought I'd have a little boy, and I feel wistful that I will never get to experience the Mother-Son bond. Its nothing to do with wanting to indulge in gender stereotypes. I have an amazing bond with my girls. But am I missing out on a different kind of relationship by not having a Son? A Mummy's boy, so to speak. I know deep down I'm being unreasonable, but finishing having children has been a bit of a mindfield for me. Can anyone relate? Advise? Knock some sense into me? Gin

OP posts:
AuchAyeTheNo · 06/08/2019 21:54

Your not being unreasonable, it’s perfectly fair to feel a bit sad over something. Flowers

I’m in a similar position. I don’t think it’s a case of mother/son or father/daughter bond, it all depends on how they are raised. You could have a son who you never see or speak to x

Bezalelle · 06/08/2019 21:59

To be quite frank, you should count your blessings.

Thehop · 06/08/2019 22:02

As a mum of three boys you’re welcome to come to my house.

You’ll have a headache, become a climbing frame and sit on a piss coated toilet seat fairly regularly.....but you’re welcome!

It’s normal to romanticise what you don’t know or have. But children are children. A healthy mother son bond is as a healthy mother daughter bond......enjoy your lovely daughters

TankGirl97 · 06/08/2019 22:05

I can’t knock any sense into you, but I can say I understand how you feel. We had two ds’s and I was resigned to being a ‘mum of boys’. We decided to try for one more (and agreed we wanted another child, I didn’t want to be aiming for a girl). We did have a girl, and absolute joy she is, I really don’t feel differently toward her than the boys. In fact I’m inwardly quite defensive when people comment about finally getting a girl.
I almost miss not getting a third son, I had a name picked and everything which I now feel quite sorrowful about never being able to use.
I’m not expressing myself too well here, I guess whatever you have, you always imagine what could have been.
Also, at least you’ll never be the evil MIL we constantly read about on here!!

MaryShelley1818 · 06/08/2019 22:06

You are not being unreasonable, you’re feelings are your feelings.
I absolutely adore DS more than anything and when we first started ttc #2 I really wanted a little girl - just to experience having a daughter. However at age 41 and nothing happening after 8 cycles I’m starting to realise that #2 may not ever happen so I’d be absolutely over the moon equally for either. I’m eternally grateful for my little boy but if given a choice would have picked whichever sex I didn’t have for a second.

ilovewinterpansies · 06/08/2019 22:11

So often it's the other way around (sad at not having a daughter).

I guess we all think about what could have been? I have 3 boys and I wonder what a daughter would have been like.

However I agree with PP that children are children. And that any romanticised view of what the relationship might have been wouldn't necessarily materialise.

Enjoy your lovely daughters OP, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful relationship with them and won't miss a thing. X

Original poster
AlwaysFuckingTired94 · 06/08/2019 23:25

Thank you for the kind and constructive replies. I was preparing myself for a flaming! I agree that it is perhaps a romantised idea of what could have been. It's just an odd feeling, that I will never be referring to anyone as "my Son" when I always imaged I'd have one. I suppose society still holds mixed-sex child families as the ideal, maybe that also plays a part.

OP posts:
Emmapeeler · 06/08/2019 23:35

Aw OP. I think many parents, while counting their blessings, have their thing they can’t help feel is somehow ‘missing’. Mine is a third child (DH wasn’t on board). It’s irrational really - I have two gorgeous DC. But you feel the way you feel. Let yourself feel it, acknowledge it, and then let it pass.

CoolWivesClub2019 · 06/08/2019 23:45

I know how you feel op - I have 3 boys.

I count my blessings every day but I do feel a bit sad that I’ll never have a daughter. I wonder what a daughter would have looked like (none of my sons look much like me) and what it would have been like.

If it makes you feel better, I second the pp that you’ve at least escaped the joys of sitting on a piss soaked toilet seat Angry - every bloody time! Drives me mental. And the worst thing is you can never be 100% sure which of them it is so you don’t know who to shout at!

SilverySurfer · 06/08/2019 23:48

I was sad that I couldn't have children at all and would have been thrilled to have two daughters.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/08/2019 23:50

I have 5 boys although I lost one late into pg

I don’t feel I’ve missed out by not having a daughter

PickAChew · 06/08/2019 23:50

Special mother-son bond? What's that, then?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/08/2019 23:51

I don’t think the bond would be any different if if had a girl

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/08/2019 23:52

Oh yes, the pissed soaked toilet seat 😫 I’ve had that for 20 odd years now 🤦‍♀️

chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 23:55

I must say that the bond with all of mine is the same, 2xDD 1DS

But I get what you mean xxx

Deadringer · 06/08/2019 23:56

I have a lovely son, but we don't have a special bond. I love him to bits of course but i am much closer to my girls.

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/08/2019 23:57

What a horrible post. Try being infertile like me and knowing you will have neither son or daughter.

LatteLove · 06/08/2019 23:58

I don’t feel I’ve missed out by not having a daughter

Snap, I have 2 boys. When I was pg with the youngest I’d have quite liked a girl for the “one of each” guff but once I had him I wasn’t bothered and quite happy with my lot. Pissy bathrooms aside lol x

alltoomuchrightnow · 06/08/2019 23:58

It's minefield, not mindfield.
Be grateful for your girls.

LatteLove · 07/08/2019 00:00

I don’t think the bond would be any different if if had a girl

This too

My eldest is just a clone of me in so many ways, we’re so similar

poopookeechoo · 07/08/2019 00:00

aaah you are definitely not being unreasonable OP - When I was pregnant I would have been mortified (irrationally) to have a girl - I wanted a son and was sure I was having one - thankfully I did! we have a massive bond - he's a big, hairy prison officer yet tells me every day he loves me (single parent) and he's moving in with his GF soon - he insists he'll still come home a couple of times a week for dinner - I'm going to miss him sooo much but he still says 'I love you' every time he leaves for work xx

Unpoquitititoloco · 07/08/2019 00:07

@Deadringer your poor son 😔

Yodude · 07/08/2019 00:14

It is okay to be sad about not having a son. You value your daughters. You just wish you had a son as well. Nobody should tell you how you can feel.

Deadringer · 07/08/2019 00:17

I don't think I understand your post Unpoq my son is fine, he was just never a Mammy's boy, he was never particularly affectionate and is a man's man type, he always preferred his dad. My girls were always much closer to me. Obviously I love them all the same. I just wanted to show the op that not all boys fit the 'special mother-son bond' stereotype.

andonandoandonandon · 07/08/2019 00:21

I have a beautiful daughter. And I thank my lucky stars every day that I have her. If she had been a boy, I wouldn't have felt differently. She is the only child I will ever have. Her father was an utter cunt, beat me up when she was a few weeks old, and I am lucky to have her. I wouldn't have cared if she had been a boy or a girl; I am just grateful that she (and I) am alive.