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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you all for practical reasons to stay away from MM

141 replies

PleaseHelpM3 · 06/08/2019 17:32

Hello

As the title suggests, I've been a bit. Met someone, he pursed me, very romantic, flirty, sexual. We had sex. He then, while I'm naked him bed, goes off to message his wife. He tells me this only now for the first time, post sex.

To my shame I slept with him once more, but have now ended it. But I'm struggling.

Please can you all tell me practical reasons why I need to stay away. Believe it or not I have actually been ill with guilt regarding his wife. But I worry he is my only chance at happiness.

Morally, I know I need to stay away. But it transpires I'm a bigger arsehole than I ever thought possible so please tell me the practical, self-serving reasons. Like he's a liar and a good one. And about Christmas. And that the background is he found me at a low point and used that to his advantage. Tell me even though I love his smell I can just walk into a shop and buy that smell for myself.

Please convince me the best 4 weeks of my life have actually been the worst.

My sincere apologies to all betrayed wives.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 06/08/2019 17:34

He's not your only chance at happiness because he's made you unhappy.

He's a manipulative user, telling you about his wife after sex, and while you were nakedly vulnerable was something he did in the hope that he'd be able to persuade you to stay with him.

He's a good liar. Remember that. You can't trust anything he says and you can't be happy with a liar.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 06/08/2019 17:36

You’ll be alone on all major holidays and won’t get to go on holiday exploring with him as he has a wife for those times.

If he can effectively maintain a lie for her (who should know him well) what chance do you have of knowing if he’s lying to you?

If he does leave his wife, you’ve created a vacancy....

Ps sorry he’s no good for you and I hope you can stay away. A good friend of mine recently married her MM, he’s cheating and she just can’t face leaving knowing she’s wasted 8 years on him.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/08/2019 17:37

A man who cheats on his wife is the exact opposite of a chance for happiness. Pull yourself together and move on. You've wasted enough of your time and dignity.

JustMe81 · 06/08/2019 17:37

Think about how you would feel if you were the wife. He’s not your chance at happiness, if by chance he did leave his wife for you, would you ever be able to trust him?

implantsandaDyson · 06/08/2019 17:37

The "best four weeks of your life" have been built on a lie, nothing he has said about you, about how he feels about you is true. And to be honest you're probably not the first woman he's cheated on his wife with.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 06/08/2019 17:38

A man who lies to you and to his wife this way is not going to be anyone's chance at happiness.
4 weeks in and he's already making you unhappy.

The last 4 weeks may not have been the worst weeks of your life, bit they were a made up story. Luckily, unlike his wife, you aren't tied to him and can get out now. Good luck!

1Wildheartsease · 06/08/2019 17:41

Sorry you have to suffer this disappointment OP.

What you have fallen in love with is not what he really is.
He is just the man-shaped hanger you have draped with your own wishes and desires.

He is aspartame sweetener that you took(briefly) for sugar.

Keep looking for the real thing. He is out there.

Original poster
PleaseHelpM3 · 06/08/2019 17:42

Keep em coming folks!

There's also the fact he's not even that unhappy in his marriage as he's played the "honest" role by telling me treats and meals he's bought his wife.

What a tit I am!

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 17:43

Eeeewwwww he is swanky, you deserve better.

You will never meet better being with THAT

he will be having sex with his wife one night and you the next

You will not be the only OW, he was too smooth, you were easy for him

You are not seeing him for what he actually is, take those lust goggles off

Hidingtonothing · 06/08/2019 17:43

Even if he is your 'one chance at happiness', do you really want that if it's built on someone else's pain? Given how you're already feeling wrt his wife I doubt you'll find any real happiness this way OP, walking away now would be an act of self-preservation imho.

picklemepopcorn · 06/08/2019 17:44

He's not your only chance at happiness, he's a life sentence of deceit, disappointment, unreliability, guilt... and preventing you finding someone who is decent.

Up your standards sweetheart- he's not good enough for you.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 06/08/2019 17:45

I thought this was a love island/Meghan markle thread

ittakes2 · 06/08/2019 17:45

Sorry but it was the happiest four weeks because he was woeing you to suck you in. If he can treat his wife that way he can treat you that way when he wants a change of scenery. Sorry.

chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 17:47

Get yourself to the GUM clinic, he may be riddled.

He thinks you are cheap and will be fobbed of with minimal attention for maximum benefit for him

He isn't offering you anything except empty promises and vd

M0RVEN · 06/08/2019 17:50

That best four weeks of your life isn’t love, it’s endorphins from the sex and that rush you get when you are with someone new. You are thinking with a part of your anatomy that isn’t your head.

All this will wear off pretty quickly and you will be in for years of loneliness, guilt and broken promises.

He will never leave his wife.

You will never be free to meet a decent man who will treat you well.

Your life will never be your own again - everything will revolve around him and when he can get away to be with you.

You will have to lie to friends and family. When they find out, some of them will think very little of you, whatever they say to your face.

Morgan12 · 06/08/2019 17:55

You won't mean a thing to him.

If his wife even got a sniff of you he would drop you straight away without a backwards glance.

You deserve better. So does his wife but shes probably stuck with him. You can get out now.

ConorMcGregorsChin · 06/08/2019 17:56

I see people who are capable of treating me in this way as very simple to deal with.

They have shown me that they are an utterly despicable pig.

I find it really easy there for to despise them. Block them. And think myself jolly lucky of a timely escape.

Sure. It's disappointing and you may feel bruised. But believe me, lucky escape. No further time spent thinking of them.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 06/08/2019 18:04

Trust me, he is not your only chance at happiness. He's your guaranteed ticket to misery, and the chance to miss out on being with an honest, genuine man who wants to be a true partner. He was lovebombing you to get you in bed. It's hormones and new relationship euphoria, not love, and if you stay away from him and remind yourself how sordid this whole thing is it'll wear off. Picture the other women he's no doubt fucked behind his wife's back and the ones he's no doubt lining up afresh now that you're no longer playing ball. Picture yourself wracked with insecurity and jealousy every time he "works late" or "meets a friend".

Manipulative cheating lying married men are ten a penny, you can have a different one tomorrow if you want. (Don't though.) Value yourself and hold out for something better.

managedmis · 06/08/2019 18:05

MM?

CatInADoghouse · 06/08/2019 18:05

@managedmis married man

GroggyLegs · 06/08/2019 18:05

Objectively speaking...
He sounds absolutely fucking rank OP. The worst kind of man.

Give yourself some headspace.
Let the crisis bonding settle. You'll be grand without this rat.

redexpat · 06/08/2019 18:10

You deserve better.

CatInADoghouse · 06/08/2019 18:11

What a sleaze he is! I feel sorry for his wife. Block his number. You'll never be anything more than a booty call to this man. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve better than this and have no more contact with him.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 06/08/2019 18:12

He doesn't even care enough about you to feed you the usual bullshit lines about how it's been over for years but he can't leave because blah, blah, blah. He wants you to know you're a side piece at best. He doesn't give the single tiniest damn about you.

zafferana · 06/08/2019 18:12

But I worry he is my only chance at happiness.

Believe me, a man who cheats on his DW is NOT your 'only chance at happiness'. Have a little self respect OP and dump this cheating loser. You're almost certainly not the first OW he's fucked behind his DW's back. What a creep.