To ask you all for practical reasons to stay away from MM

[PleaseHelpM3]

Hello

As the title suggests, I've been a bit. Met someone, he pursed me, very romantic, flirty, sexual. We had sex. He then, while I'm naked him bed, goes off to message his wife. He tells me this only now for the first time, post sex.

To my shame I slept with him once more, but have now ended it. But I'm struggling.

Please can you all tell me practical reasons why I need to stay away. Believe it or not I have actually been ill with guilt regarding his wife. But I worry he is my only chance at happiness.

Morally, I know I need to stay away. But it transpires I'm a bigger arsehole than I ever thought possible so please tell me the practical, self-serving reasons. Like he's a liar and a good one. And about Christmas. And that the background is he found me at a low point and used that to his advantage. Tell me even though I love his smell I can just walk into a shop and buy that smell for myself.

Please convince me the best 4 weeks of my life have actually been the worst.

My sincere apologies to all betrayed wives.

Forgive yourself. Ditch him. Pull on your big girl drawers and Frozen him (let it go).
Good luck.

He is NO ONE'S chance at happiness -- no man who cheats on his partner is.

He is offering his scraps after all the important people in his life have what they want

If you meant anything but a booty call he would not have approached you whilst married and offered you so little

He thinks you only deserve to be x place to everyone else

He will have dating site profiles which remain active

If he convinces you to bend this fundamental moral, he will get you to bend others until you feel worthless

The qualities he has that you like are not unique to him. There are plenty of good men out there who are single and want a serious, honest relationship.

If it's not you it will, definitely be someone else. And when it's you, it'll definitely be someone else. Before you, it definitely was someone else. If you want that for your life crack on...

Marriedness aside:
Because he's minging!
He deceived you, he kept a very pivotal piece of info from you until after he had intimate knowledge of you. He conned you in to bed. He's probably shagging as many as possible and is absolutely riddled. Why on earth would you think you were only worth that kind of treatment??

He’s a waste of your headspace, OP. Get rid of him. You’ll be so glad you did when the chemical rush wears off. DO NOT let it drag on. It’s easy to get over a short dalliance, much harder to get over a long one. Wishing you happiness.

Liar

Cheat

Would you let your child be with someone so lowly

Ah!

I thought she meant me

Thanks, catinadoghouse

I suppose you think you are the only one he is shagging? Or shagged?

You need to go have a check up at your local STD clinic.

Also, once you dump him you won’t want to walk into a shop and buy his smell. You’ll be frantically opening windows to get rid of the last lingering whiff.

You deserve better. He's the type who cheats. He's not even upfront about cheating. He's not your only chance at happiness. So many reasons. Even if you just make this about you and not how wrong it is to be with a married man.

@fandabbyfannyflutters

ME TOO

Was gonna say "it's a bit late to be asking that now Harry"

He’s a cheat, he’s going to cheat.
If not with you then with someone else so you as well enjoy your fun and carry it on for a bit

He's a liar and a cheat. He did it to her so he'll do it to you. It really is that simple.

Same as a previous poster. Every man I know who has married his affair partner is now cheating again or didn’t even stop in the first place.

Every. Single. One

It can work out OP. My DH cheated on his ex wife with me 20 years ago. We’ve lived an incredibly happy life since and he treats me so well. He was just with the wrong woman before me

Good grief, how low is your happiness meter set if it even registers for someone else’s leftovers!?

Because you get what ‘s leftover from his annual leave, his weekend time, his fiddled expense account etc. The scraps.

And he’ll sling you a treat from time to time to keep you strung along and wanting more.

How fucking dare he contact his wife with you next to him like that? Who does he think he is? What does he think women are for? (Too obvious: no points for a correct answer).

Lying little fuck. Hie dare he not tell you til after you had sex!

Stop wallowing in poor-me guilt OP, and find your anger and self respect

Not only is he married, he decided that he would announce this fact to you for the first time when you were naked in bed after your first shag. What on earth could he have been hoping to achieve by that other than mindfuckery?

This man is not a “chance at happiness”, he is a cunt.

And that the background is he found me at a low point and used that to his advantage.

Stay away for that reason alone OP!!

I've read on Mumsnet of so many married men who want to have affairs seeking out vulnerable women to have them with - it's so utterly creepy.

There was one guy who even went through HR records at his work to target women who were going through personal issues.

“You deserve better” ???

Knowingly fucking another woman’s husband?

Not right now you don’t. You have a lot of work to do before then!

Tbh it always bewilders me why cheats come on here for help to stay away from a MM, who could be one of OUR husbands, it feels like it’s a score in a game somehow.

It’s not clever. Not even close.

Op, sort yourself out and remind yourself just how low someone has to be to do what you’ve knowingly done. Work out now whatever or whoever it was that taught you that you were worth so very little and FIX IT.

First you blank this cheating prick, change numbers, email etc every medium he has to connect with you has got to go.

Then hug yourself and be there for yourself as you move on in your life. Show yourself your best side, be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself and eventually you’ll learn that you have a value all of your own that deserves better. The best.

Don’t ever do this again.

Because you’re treating him as a priority while he’s keeping you as an option. Dig out your self-respect woman before he erodes it completely.

Because he’s shown you exactly who he is and who he is is not nice. He preyed on you at a low point. Waited until after sex when you had all the oxytocin going to let you find out. Vile.

Because he made vows to his poor wife who probably loves him. Just put yourself in her shoes for a bit.

Imagine him talking about you with some other woman the way he's talked about his wife with you. That's what you're getting into - you already know that he's capable of being utterly two-faced and that he can turn it on and off as it suits him.

Also, he's not just cheating on his wife with you - he's cheating on you with his wife! You are supposed to be in the first flush of romance at this stage of a relationship, but you are sitting around waiting until he's finished with his 'other woman' before you get to see him.

Penelope and did he wait til after sex to tell you he was a MM?

My now DH was an ex. We had split mutually due to working miles away, stage of like etc. He got married. We found ourselves in the same circles again. There was clear chemistry. He said “I would like to talk to you, but not until after the weekend “. Over the weekend he definitively ended his floundering marriage. THEN asked if I would be interested in giving it another go.