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Original poster

To ask you all for practical reasons to stay away from MM

141 replies

PleaseHelpM3 · 06/08/2019 17:32

Hello

As the title suggests, I've been a bit. Met someone, he pursed me, very romantic, flirty, sexual. We had sex. He then, while I'm naked him bed, goes off to message his wife. He tells me this only now for the first time, post sex.

To my shame I slept with him once more, but have now ended it. But I'm struggling.

Please can you all tell me practical reasons why I need to stay away. Believe it or not I have actually been ill with guilt regarding his wife. But I worry he is my only chance at happiness.

Morally, I know I need to stay away. But it transpires I'm a bigger arsehole than I ever thought possible so please tell me the practical, self-serving reasons. Like he's a liar and a good one. And about Christmas. And that the background is he found me at a low point and used that to his advantage. Tell me even though I love his smell I can just walk into a shop and buy that smell for myself.

Please convince me the best 4 weeks of my life have actually been the worst.

My sincere apologies to all betrayed wives.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 06/08/2019 18:45

Don't listen to @Penelopevain.

He won't leave his wife.
Even if he did, you would always be wondering if he was cheating on you.

sonjadog · 06/08/2019 18:45

How can he be your one chance at happiness? How can he give you happiness at all? Sure at the moment you are in lust with him and you want to be near him, but you will never have his full attention, you will never be "the one" for him. If you get involved with him the first bit may be great, but then in a while you will be desperate for him to call, wondering what he is doing with his wife, fitting your life around when he is available. Doesn't sound much like happiness to me. Happiness is surely being someone who likes you are much as you like them? Who is available to spend time with you? Who you can trust?

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 06/08/2019 18:47

Sort yourself out and have some self respect. Think of how his poor wife feels and get some morals. He is not what you're looking for and this arrangement will only end in tears.

Littletabbyocelot · 06/08/2019 18:50

I met my dad's mistress when I was about 8 years old. I didn't know it at the time, she was just his pretty young colleague who was wearing her best clothes and had bought all mine and my sisters favourite food. Looking back it was so obvious she thought she was important and was going to be our step mum.

She wasn't the first, she wasn't the last and my dad didn't leave until he was kicked out. My eventual step mums were both women who would never knowingly be involved with a married man.

My dad kept mementos of everyone in his life who was ever important to him. Even his ex in laws. There wasn't a single trace of her in his papers (and he had not sorted them at all). I doubt he remembered her name. She thought he was going to be the love of her life and she meant nothing to him.

Don't be her.

sonjadog · 06/08/2019 18:53

Sometimes I get strong crushes on people and I find it helps to remind myself that this strong feeling isn't love, it´s just a hormonal rush and will pass. Maybe it might help if you keep telling yourself that?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/08/2019 18:56

You’re a conquest. He conquered you and what did he do? He called his wife in front of you to send the message she’s the only important one in his life. Except she isn’t really important either because if she were you wouldn’t have been in his bed.

Frankly he doesn’t see women as human beings let alone equals. You’re just objects in his life to play with as he pleases. Pawns. His wife is the one at home, the mother of his kids perhaps and you’re the nasty little tart to fuck.

Be very very very glad you aren’t his wife because her position is so much worse. At least you can turn on your heels, nose in the air and never have to set eyes on him again.

Ginger1982 · 06/08/2019 19:00

Incidentally when I clicked on this thread I thought it was about ways to stay away from Meghan Markle. Thought for a minute you were Kate! Grin

Wearenotyourkind · 06/08/2019 19:05

You deserve better! You really do.

Kaddm · 06/08/2019 19:10

He’s shitting on his wife. That means he’s happy to shit on people he is supposed to love. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone like that, however fit they are.

He’s manipulative. Told you after he shagged you. You don’t want a manipulative partner.

He’s selfish. What he wants, he gets. No matter how anyone else feels or what they need or want.

He’s a grim “catch”.

Angrybird123 · 06/08/2019 19:14

Even if he did leave and marry you, like my ex did, how happy would it really be knowing that he is capable of that? The possibly years of wrangling over divorce issues, kids, maintenance, the rather pathetic fakebook posts about how happy you are trying to justify a shitty shitty thing. Really, just don't.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 06/08/2019 19:15

He's been so dishonest with YOU, let alone his wife. How disrespectful to get out of your bed after having sex to speak to his wife???

Longlongsummer · 06/08/2019 19:16

My Ex had so many women on the go he can’t remember a single one of their names. While he was living with me saying he loved me. He’s still living in fear of his kids finding out. Hope they do one day.

I contacted some of them to get clarification. I also went to get checked for STDs. I’d advise you do the same.

Would you want to talk to his wife? Could you imagine being able to explain?

Ex is seedy, I see that now. He’s not a sex God, or a catch. He used his looks and fantastic job, nice car etc to be an entitled prig. He is just sordid. That’s what this man is. At least you are not married to him, his poor wife.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 06/08/2019 19:17

Please OP just don't do it. I wasted the best years of my life waiting for a man to leave his wife and be with me - it never happened. I bitterly regret every single moment I spent with him and every time I let him have sex with me. I should have had more self-respect. Honestly, you can do better.

GabsAlot · 06/08/2019 19:21

Yeah i wold have sympathy but you slept with him again-

smoothy · 06/08/2019 19:26

People like this are pathologically self-serving and cruel. Look up the boiling frog analogy.

Emmapeeler · 06/08/2019 19:27

Block him Op. Move swiftly on. Ask yourself how you see your life in 5 years. I can guarantee that your dream is not to be to be with with a cheating philanderer (who hasn’t even the decency to be up front before sleeping with you), wondering every time he goes out for the night if he is doing the same thing to you.

ginghamtablecloths · 06/08/2019 19:28

I get the feeling he's using you and that should be reason enough.

Others: guilt and not being open to better times with someone who is available in an honest way. They say they'll leave their wives - they never do. Respect yourself and say goodbye.

LuckyLou7 · 06/08/2019 19:30

Get some self-respect and kick him to the kerb. Picture yourself as the wife of a cheating scumbag like him. The best 4 weeks of your life? Bullshit. The best 4 weeks of your life are still to come, with a man who is free to cherish you and who will make you feel completely happy. Not this lying piece of shit. Don't ever accept being second best. You deserve better and this man's wife deserves better. Get a sexual health screen done and if you have something - which is likely, because you won't be his only illicit shag - then let that be the last time you contact him.

Goingtoexplode · 06/08/2019 19:30

It will be the worst thing you ever do and you’ll wish every day that you wish you hadn’t. I promise you.

MorrisZapp · 06/08/2019 19:34

My friend is going through similar. Married man, sordid fling, no promises made. She won't be seeing him again but the pain is real. On top of feeling rejected and used, she hates herself for letting it happen.

Time is a healer. You objectively know he's a terrible person, your feelings will catch up soon enough.

MidsomerBurgers · 06/08/2019 19:37

OP, all you are to him is a warm wank sock. You mean nothing to him.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 06/08/2019 19:40

I get the feeling he's using you

The fact that he's basically hired a marching band to perform "You're My

EssentialHummus · 06/08/2019 19:42

If your best friend was going through this, what would you tell her?

Piffle11 · 06/08/2019 19:46

It's almost like he wants you to feel worthless: telling you just after sex when you're at your most vulnerable, telling you about treats and stuff he does for his wife … it's like he's saying 'see what I give her? You're not worth that, just be thankful I bother to fuck you every now and again'. Get some self respect and kick this absolute arsehole into touch - he won't even be bothered, he'll have someone else on the go before long. Or he'll turn on the charm as he knows that you're weak and desperate. 'My one chance of happiness' - and how happy do you think you'll be knowing that every time he's out late or out on a weekend, he's probably with some other woman? Do you want a family? Would you want this arsehole to be the father of your children? My DSis's exDH was having an affair with a young woman 15 years younger than him (he and DSis same age). My DSis found out and kicked him out. He tried to get her to change her mind, and even admitted to her that he'd never had any intention of marrying this young woman - she was only ever going to be a bit on the side. He's still seeing her, many years later. DSis asked him if he will remarry - he said maybe, if he meets the right woman ...

didijustsaythat · 06/08/2019 20:00

You sound intelligent, so you must see that he’s just using you for sex.
That’s all there is to it really.

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