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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 17:15

See? Everyone has differing ideas. I love making my family their lunches; to me that is part of being a mum. Charging £20 a week from a child who is earning at least £130 a week at 16 really isn't unreasonable. We pay everything for her. Everyone is so different aren't they. There is no right or wrong.

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 23/01/2020 17:16

Would I take money off my 16 year old child? Not unless I was on the bones of my backside.

Apprenticeships are classes as education
You didn’t charge the older sibling at 16

Yabu

TwoBlueFish · 23/01/2020 17:21

Rather than taking keep could you instead transfer responsibility for things such as phone bill, gym, travel, lunches, etc to her. That way she is budgeting within her salary. When she moves to a proper wage then she should absolutely pay keep.

FishCanFly · 23/01/2020 17:22

I am from a different culture and charging your children rent or keep to live at home just seems wrong, especially when they're underage.

Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 17:47

The older daughter wasn't earning £130 a week at 16.

OP posts:
Dylaninthemovies1 · 23/01/2020 17:49

She’s not earning much! I’d take half from
Her and save it into an account for her

fulltimeworkingmotherof4 · 23/01/2020 17:53

My DD is now 18, when she did her apprenticeship I didn't take anything from her. Once she qualified and is now on 14k I take £75 a month from her. More out of principle. She sends it every pay day without being asked to.

Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 18:06

Not earning much? £130 a week at 16? Wish I was on your wages then.

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 23/01/2020 18:09

She can do what she wants, go where she wants.... etc..... because she has rights!

And with rights come responsibilities.

Barbarella1 · 23/01/2020 18:13

YANBU and the majority of voters agree.

You’re still paying for her phone and college costs and she has plenty of spare money to spend. She has a roof over her head, food and utilities paid.

However you will see from some of the posters that their grown ass adult children don’t pay their way.

As to the snide remarks about making your DDs work lunch. I do the same for my adult son and am making his dinner, although I’m not having any.
So what.

The only thing I don’t agree with is making her save half her salary. It’s a good idea but the decision should be hers alone.

London91 · 23/01/2020 18:16

I think if you genuinely need the money, then take a token amount but for all the hours I'm sure she'll be working it's rubbish money. I'd expect her to buy her own toiletries if she wants anything fancier than the basics. Clothes she can buy herself. Ultimately your choice OP.

DiegoSaber · 23/01/2020 18:20

It's 100% not necessaryto teach any "life lessons" or anything like that, so I personally wouldn't do it unless I actually needed the money to pay the rent or whatever. But if that was the case, I'm sure my kids would be offering anyway.

However, I wouldn't be buying things for her any more or paying mobile phone bills, etc. Once they're earning a proper wage, they can pay for that stuff themselves.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 23/01/2020 18:20

It’s really not much: under 7k a year. I was earning more than that at 17... 20 years ago!

Perhaps take digs (ie 20-30) a week if you need them.. then let her decide what to do with the rest of the money. But taking digs and then forcing her to save half the remaining money seems a bit shit tbh. She has plenty of time for being skint and spending all her money on boring things when she’s older!

LolaSmiles · 23/01/2020 18:57

The older daughter wasn't earning £130 a week at 16.
No, because she chose a levels as her post 16 education.
You've clearly decided it's fine to expect one 16 year old to pay board and not the other because they chose different post 16 education pathways.
The one who chooses an academic pathway doesn't have to pay mum, but the person who chose a vocational route does.

However you will see from some of the posters that their grown ass adult children don’t pay their way.
She's not a 'grown ass adult'. She's a 16 year old child who is a few months out of y11 who HAS to be in education or training til 18 when she becomes an adult.
Not taking money from your 16 year old child in mandatory full time education/training isn't exactly facilitating a sponger.
It doesn't matter anyway because the OP feels entitled to a portion of her child's apprenticeship wage that is around £3-4 an hour.

Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 18:58

She wants to save! She wants to buy a car. I am encouraging her to do that. Take digs? That's what keep is isn't it? And not necessary to teach her life lessons? What? Don't pass on my own experiences and knowledge to help my children? For goodness sake. What a comment!
And for the others. Let her blow £130 a week? On what? Instant gratification? What would that be teaching her? To have what she wants, when she wants, how she wants? Then what? How will she be fulfilled? Feel empowered? Feel good about herself? Nope. I stick by my parenting morals thanks.
Thanks Barbarella1 for your comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 19:35

So, the point that is being made repeatedly is that we didn't have keep off of our other daughter. But our other daughter wasn't earning £130 a week at 16, and as is being pointed out, because she was in full time education. Our other daughter, the subject of this debate, is now working at 16. So the situation is totally different and therefore it could be argued, needs to be looked at differently. I would like to put forward this: is it the amount of money she is earning? So if she was earning £300 a week but STILL 16, how would that be?

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 23/01/2020 19:39

She is still a child so no you shouldn't expect her to pay "keep" how fucking ridiculous. You should be ashamed of yourself OP for not supporting your child

Mummyshark2019 · 23/01/2020 19:40

If earning a proper wage then yes but this is hardly any pay as it is. I would not charge her keep. She may wonder if it's worth working if there is no money to show for it!

Mummyshark2019 · 23/01/2020 19:40

And yes 16 is still a child. You should not demand money from her!

GreytExpectations · 23/01/2020 19:41

I am from a different culture and charging your children rent or keep to live at home just seems wrong, especially when they're underage.

Same with my culture. You would never see parents charging there children rent or keep.

WeeSleekitTimerousMoosey · 23/01/2020 19:44

Definitely would and did, called 'dig money' round here though.

Every parent I know does.

GreytExpectations · 23/01/2020 19:47

Every parent I know does.

Clearly pretty bad parents then. Decent parents don't take money off their child, and by child I mean under age 18.

user1494182820 · 23/01/2020 19:48

Nothing to do with her age, but if she's saving half anyway, I couldn't brinf myself to take money from somebody earning that little? An apprenticeship is pretty hard work for very little money and I'd want to support and encourage her to continue. Taking nearly half of what she has left over after savings are set aside seems really mean.

Waterandlemonjuice · 23/01/2020 19:50

YABU, she’s 16 and it’s a very low wage.

Barbarella1 · 23/01/2020 19:53

I didn’t say she was a grown ass adult as you well know Lola. It’s hardly surprising that some posters think that OP is wrong when they don’t expect adult children to pay a share of the bills is it. That’s the point I was making.

The OP has already said that they aren’t well off and money is tight. I don’t think some posters really understand what it’s like for many families.

Also what part of the older DD wasn’t working during A Levels do you not understand. It has nothing to do with her not wanting to go to university.

Anyway, your sort of twisting words nonsense doesn’t work on me so you’re wasting your time.