Paying Keep

[Lee17]

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

Fed up again! So this is the last post on this from me. When did I say she pays her travel expenses and college expenses? I didn't . We pay all of that. We would end up with a very little amount, when everything else is paid out. I just think having a 16 year old earning at least £117 a week, but usually more, and NOT being taught to be responsible will be a loaded gun for the future. She wants a car and she is saving well for that AND she goes out, buys her takeaways, goes for coffee with her friends, buys enough clothes and makeup to start her own store.... etc. I think the balance is just right. And as for Zeusthemoose's comments about still packing her lunch. What is that all about? I am her mum, of course I still pack her lunch. How would NOT doing that be teaching her responsibility? I will never not be her mum. Honestly, some of the comments on here are absolutely ridiculous. And you can't treat all children 'the same'; they are individuals with their own unique needs etc. Treat them fairly, yes, but one rule doesn't suit all. It is called diversity, individuality, equality... go look it up. You don't know my daughters. Ugggh. If you are all so clever, why are you spending so much time on Mumsnet and not out running the country. Thankyou to those who have given me CONSTRUCTIVE advice, whether it is agreeing with me or not. Goodbye Mumsnet, can't say it has been a good experience overall; just a chance for a lot of people to be keyboard warriors and have a go at people. Which is why I am leaving here because it is obviously infectious! And Weebitawks, how dare you say I value one daughter more than the other!!!! Outrageous! That may be how YOU tend to be as it has never entered my head! I have left the building and will not be returning!

So anyone who doesn’t agree with you is a keyboard warrior.

Bye. Don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.

Have a genuine hate for people who must announce their leaving. Crack on drama llama and don't let the door smack you on the way out 🙄.

Mine always paid keep. I used to take 25% of their take home pay.

YANBU - £25 seems very fair. Just explain that that food she eats has to be paid for it doesn't fall out of the sky!

Ach! This topic always has the same polarisation

1: NO KEEP cos you are a mean, cruel, heartless, unloving, money grabbing bitch and every poster who agrees with you is just as bad. No discussion, it never happened to me so it can never happen woithout someone being on the take, greedy and mean

2: KEEP cos that can help replace loss of Child Benefit, help her learn budget skills, there's no reason why any adult shouldn't pay towards their keep once they are earning, some kids in her position would have to hand over almost all, if their family pot needed it, it isn't unsual, it happens to many and posters who paid keep don't see it as an evil or sign of not being loved. It's just a financial fact of life

All you can do @Lee17 is decide what is best for you and your family unit. Maybe the posts here will help you discuss it with your DD, to understand and discuss her thoughts on the matter!

It seems very off that her sister got free board while she's expected to pay out of her meagre wage just because she chose a less academic route. She could well continue to resent it especially if her more academic sister ultimately ends up on a better wage after university, after having free board for up to 5 extra years. this.

She's a child with a meagre wage and you're exploiting this. It's greedy and unnecessary on top of child benefit and tax credits.

She's a child with a meagre wage and you're exploiting this. Alternatively, she is a young adult, stating to earn her own way in the world. It isn't exploitation, it is one perfectly normal way of parenting!

It's greedy and unnecessary on top of child benefit and tax credits. Ah! You didn't read the repeated info, CB WILL STOP in September, when OP is considering starting charging for keep. They must live in England, OP has said she has enquired, the information isn't secret or hard to find! Again, not greedy, may well be necessary for others if not for OP, and is a perfectly normal thing to do, in some families!

www.gov.uk/child-benefit/eligibility

If she's old enough to pay keep in your opinion she old enough to make her own lunch FFS.
Don't ask for opinions on a public forum if you can't take differing advice.

She's under 18. She's still legally a child. Not unreasonable at all to pay keep at 18, but not before.

She's under 18. She's still legally a child. Mmmm! I get that that is the UN definition, and it is vital when needed. But, as many others I left home and was 100% self supporting at just turned 17. My parents did nothing illegal when they turned me out!

The UN definition allows for wriggle room, depending upon the situation... and a child who earns regular money in a job that is more than a paper round, for instance, has started the journey into adulthood, stands on the cusp, so to speak. So it is not really all that unreasonable to extend that learning curve...

There is no right or wrong in what OP has suggested. Just differences of opinion. Oddly, here on MN, only one side of that opinion ever takes to bad mouthing the other!

I left college at 17 (10 years ago now) and I started an apprenticeship whilst still living with my parents. I think I was asked for about £20-25 a week also, and I remember arguing with them over the idea! I remember thinking that because it's my money why should you have any of it! (Oh the ignorance). However it certainly helped with learning about budgeting etc now I'm older.

No I wouldn't take anything. I used to give mine the child benefit as part of his allowance up until nineteenth birthday, so did everyone I knew. If she was still at school you wouldn't be taking money from her and she is hardly earning a fortune. As it is, with the little she earns she'll be buying things that otherwise you would have to provide.

It's entirely up to your daughter what she spends her money on and what she saves. All I would say is if she runs out of money, don't be too eager to lend her any :-).

What child benefit and tax credits????? Get your facts right.

Thankyou CuriousaboutSamphire

JonSnow and PremierNaps - Such immature comments.

I used to give mine the child benefit as part of his allowance up until nineteenth birthday, so did everyone I knew. Back in the 70s and 80s we knew people that did that to. Gave the family allowance to the kids as pocket money.

To us, and all of our friends, it seemed like an astronomical amount of money to have as a child. Mum once cried as one child's pocket money was the same amount, from the same source, as the only money she had to keep food in the cupboards (dad wasn't all that well paid at the time).

It was not the norm then. Has that changed?

So in a nutshell:
Her sister did A levels as her full time post-16 education and didn't have to pay board
She's doing an apprenticeship as her post16 education and you want to charge her

You're basically penalising one child for making different educational choices.

You're basically penalising one child for making different educational choices. Why?

I did a year of A levels, way back when... (I went up a year early) I was not charged keep.

DSis went into an YACS scheme job (sort of an apprenticeship of the era) she was chrged keep.

Our house rules were "You work and earn, you pay into the family pot"

There's nothing wrong with that! Nor any perceived inequality based on life choices.

OPs eldest would be as in the right to be peeved that she paid keep put of her first pay packet when her younger sibling got to keep all of hers for a year or so!

The concept of 'fair' in life is a weird one that has often eluded me!

No Curious, once he got past fourteen I gave him the child benefit as part of his allowance which meant he had more pocket money. Prior to that I used it generally in the household. Teenagers need a bit more dosh though and at that stage I was earning more and didn't need the child allowance. In those days it was about forty something pounds a month and I gave him £100 which went up, by the time he was nineteen it £130.

Quite forgotten now what that has to do with this thread :-).

Apparently child benefit will not be paid for a child doing an apprenticeship, I just looked it up. The government give with one hand and take away with the other! Honestly.

All the more reason not to charge the poor kid any rent.

curious Her apprenticeship is her post 16 education.
Saying no board for a level study but board for those doing vocational training is absolutely treating one child unfairly for their post 16 education choices.

Under 18s have to be in education or training. Both children should be fairly supported to do whichever route is best for them, not have their parents taking money off one and not the other.

It wouldn't occur to me to ask a 16 year old child to pay keep. Probably not even at 18 either unless I was in a financial position where losing the child benefit made a big difference to my finances. Otherwise I'd give them a few years and expect it around early twenties (i.e. after graduation age).

I paid keep during uni when I worked full time in the summer.I was 18 though and I didn't mind as my parents and family really needed the money. It didn't really help me to budget though. My parents needed the money as they weren't great with budgeting themselves 😂
I like the idea of teaching her to budget by taking money towards driving lessons or something similar to help her invest in herself.

We would support all kids thru college or apprenticeship & equally. Ie not charge if they want to live at home long as they in training for something whatever meagre pay they on. I would not be making their lunch at 16 tho!

Child Benefit STOPS when the child begins an Apprenticeship!!! Read the facts! And fyi, we always spent this on her anyway. We receive no benefits. And before you pipe up that we must have money then, no actually, every penny we earn gets eaten up, when it is gone, it is gone. No benefits, nothing else. Like many hardworking people in this country, we pay our own way for everything. Nothing is given to us.