Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

Food wise, yes I would buy her food for the festival, as I would if she was at home.
Tent wise no! For those who said it will only get damaged if it's a cheapass one are so wrong.
I have been going to festivals since I was 15, when Glastonbury was just a hippy fuelled event. Believe me, tents get trashed....Bigtime! Not on purpose, but by drunken exploits, etc....
Let her take her smaller one and the others sort themselves out.
We now stay in nearby hotels, but the tent situations seem the same.

Have you ever considered how your pandering and her behaviour is impacting your other children? Your reluctance to actually parent her has made your home uncomfortable for them and revolve around the demands of one spoiled brat.

Toughen up, cut her off, make her pay her way and stop accepting poor behaviour. You've raised an embarrassment so far, but you have time to still change your approach and attitude and get her to address her issues.

What happened when she refused to replace her brothers things that she lost?

Or when she didn't even get her brother a card for his birthday?

I can't pretend to know what it's like having teenagers but I'd like to say that that shit wouldn't fly in my house.

No way is a decent tent, especially a large one, coming back from boomtown in one piece. Not a chance.

Tell her to stop being a brat and to buy her own throwaway tent.

If it was a tent you had gathering dust doing nothing then I would say give her the tent. The fact it’s new and you need if for your family holiday it’s a hell no from me.

I’ve had a tent slashed by a fucker robbing it, ruined the rest of the festival. I've also witnessed people coming back to find some random has shit in their tent. Don’t get me started on drunk feckers (including myself) falling on the tent

Have you ever considered how your pandering and her behaviour is impacting your other children? Your reluctance to actually parent her has made your home uncomfortable for them and revolve around the demands of one spoiled brat

In the last week or so, her brother is down a pair of sliders and didn't get a birthday card or gift because he was being 'punished' by said brat. If thats 'business as usual' god knows what the other lds jave been suffering.

It honestly sounds like the entire household revolves around the 18 year old. She's a bully and the parents are enabling her.

@Weezol I feel for the other children, I have a very close friend who suffers from depression and anxiety now because her entire childhood revolved around her mother giving in to her brother. Enabling and accepting the bullying behaviour just because it was easier to say yes than deal with his outbursts.

It's utterly unfair on the rest of the children and I would not be surprised if they grow up to resent their parents for always letting her get her way and in turn were disregarded because they're not boisterous.

I sincerely hope the OP takes on board some comments and begins to make drastic changes to her parenting. The family home should be a comfortable place for all the children.

Does she know where the tent is, so can just take it with her?? Get it OUT of the house and don't tell her where it's gone.

She sounds more than happy to stop your other DC having a holiday.

If she can't afford it can she resell her ticket? Did she understand that you expected her to get her own tent and buy her own food for the festival when you talked to her about going previously? She does need to learn to budget. Buying clothes etc with her new found wealth is understandable but she needs to learn that you choose carefully what you spend it on

She seems to rule them with an iron rod too. Possibly she like to act the big I am. I will bring the tent etc.

Exactly what I was going to suggest. Hence the epic tantrum because she's going to lose face with her friends. She's probably said they don't need to worry, she's got a lovely big tent (conveniently not mentioning that it's actually yours) and that she'll bring loads of food for them all.

Time to let her face reality - but I'm with PPs, this pandering has to stop. It's not fair on your other DCs, who no doubt are told to give in or get over it to keep her sweet. It will be hell for a while and she may storm out, but I bet she'll be back. She doesn't sound the sort to want to be grown up and independent.

She sounds utterly spoilt. It’s a hard no from me on the tent. I think you need to be tougher. Her poor siblings.

And to the people with kids going to festivals please don’t encourage them to leave their shit behind for someone to tidy up. If they take it, they leave with it.

And to the people with kids going to festivals please don’t encourage them to leave their shit behind for someone to tidy up. If they take it, they leave with it.

YES. Ugh so frustrating to see posters mentioning so casually how their children have left their tents behind, just disgusting behaviour.

What is she doing at uni, OP? I did a science subject so lots of contact time (labs on top of the normal stuff) and still had a weekend job as did most of my coursemates.

If you stand firm on the festival stuff you've got half a chance of managing her expectations when she goes to uni. Even better if you can get your £200 back but I doubt you'll see that- it's a good reason to give her to say no to her demands though, pay me back and we'll talk further.

Hopefully a dose of reality will make her grow up but if you cave in you've got another three years of this crap.

Just no.

At this stage she should be saving every penny she can to take to uni with her... my teen worked long long hours and saved as much as she could the summer before she went away allowing herself £50 a week spending money... blowing £400 in a week just before she goes to uni is madness!
As for the tent- there is no way I would be sending my good rent to a festival... not a chance in hell...
She is in for a rocky ride her first year in uni...

Which festival is it? If it’s boardmasters every time a tent (luckily cheapo 2/3 man) has been taken their by my kids it’s been ruined:
1 year - pissed over
1 year - someone thought it was a laugh to nick all the poles
1 year - hole cut in it, probably by a random to steal contents
1 year - pissed over again

Its Reading festival

She's not studying anything like medicine. She was told to save and work hard this summer but has said it's her last summer here so wants to make the most of it.

I told her to NOT leave her tent hence she came home with one last time.

Yes I am aware of my failing as a mum, to her and the rest of dc. Yes they do give in as I do for a quiet life. We are all expecting her to have her eyes opened drastically at uni. I pray one day she apologises to each of us for the shit she pulls.

Ironically the laziness only started recently- she used to work really hard at school and her job. But since the end of her exams she's backed off loads.

Her bf has turned up and all of a sudden she's as polite as pie. That was a big slap in the face of wake up to me. She does know how to behave. I have been excusing her too much.

The tent is in hiding and has been for a few hours. I went to the supermarket and got her some bread rolls, cereal bars, tins of beans and crisps.

It's boomtown then reading

She needs to return the clothes she bought in order to recoup the money. Hide your purse. I have a feeling she’ll try to steal from you.

Boomtown and Reading tickets must have cost around £500? But no money for food? ah that teenage budgeting

I’d lock the tent in the boot of your car, not tell her where it is and not leave the keys where she can pilfer them.

Am wondering how many of the arseholes who abandon tents at festivals because they can’t be bothered to take them down like to go around lecturing others about the environment. I’m guessing a fair few.

I'm not entirely clear why you think university will be a wake up call?

Sound like you have raised a spoilt brat of a daughter.

I don't think uni will be a wake up call- I hope uni will be a wake up call.
The people she shares halls with don't love and care for her so won't put up with her telling them to be quiet or having a dig constantly. They will all be in the same boat. Also if she spends all of her money in the first week she's going to have to get a job or not go out or buy clothes because I can't keep affording hand out after hand out for drink etc. She is in catered so food apart from the weekend is paid for. She's on campus so no travel expenses except coming home.

Reading that back she's still not going to learn is she. No need to budget because she's being pampered there to.