Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

womenyoushouldknow.net/little-girl-1981-lego-ad-grown-shes-got-something-say/

have you dressed your sons in dresses as well as trousers since birth?

Are you bizzarely Under rhe imoressiin that girls are dressed in dresses since birth? Because mine was predominantly dressed in legs, trousers, jeans, cords. Yes she had the occasional dress, but they are impractical for young kids. Irrelevant of gender.

Most kids at a Young age are dressed rhe same, even as an adult it's a rare event to find me in a dress or a skirt, I can't recall rhe last time I wore either.

*Praiseyou both my boys wear kilts. But as babies, my sons and daughters wore all in ones then jeans or joggies.

DD didn't wear a skirt until she was about 2!*

But kilts are traditionally men's clothes.

Have you bought your son a skirt?

I'm not trying to get at you personally; just trying to highlight why I think the OP shouldn't be made to feel like she has single handedly ruined our future generations because she made a remark which is reinforced by all of society.

He in my opinion has just gravitated towards things he obviously enjoys, such as football and avengers
And that's where the head in sand comes from.
Boys don't happen to like avengers and football any more than girls just happen to not go into STEM, men just happen to expect their partners and wives to give up careers, women just happen to believe they should be the ones using leave to cover sick days for kids.
When people pretend that these large scale trends just happen to be built in opinions and preferences it's nonsensical.

Where in biology are boys predisposed to like football and avengers?

The woman was rude to comment to you, but the sentiment should offer valid food for thought if you're interested in unpicking stereotypes and socialisation.

How you parent your child is none of her business. The validity of your belief that there are “boys toys” and “girls toys” doesn’t even come into it. Parents are entitled to hold whatever beliefs they like, even if they’re a load of nonsense, and they’re entitled to pass them on to their children. I bet if you were telling your child about your belief in an imaginary man in the sky she wouldn’t have said a word.

@Bluntness100 my point was that the OP is getting crucified because she is saying her ds likes traditional boy toys and other posters are saying he doesn't prefer them, he just likes them because that's what she has directed him to.

I am asking if those posters have dressed their sons in skirts and dresses since birth so that by the time the boy can choose his own clothes, he has been exposed to the clothing of both genders.

The trouble is that it doesn't go without saying that you would never stop him playing with whatever he wanted. Because he listens to what you say.

Those people who say they were given girls toys as kids but no one stopped them playing with their brothers' scalextric etc, were your brothers encouraged to play with your dolls and kitchen stuff? Thought not. Because it's all well to emulate the 'superior' gender but to imitate the lower gender is not tolerated in the same way.

The natural end point of this segregation is teenagers feeling they are the wrong sex because they like things that are not intended for the sex they are. When the whole idea of anything being for one sex in particular is made up.

That said I wouldn't've said anything in the supermarket. But maybe we should.

*skirts and dresses, along with trousers

Have you bought your son a skirt?

He spent a year dressing as Tinkerbell. So aye, I have. Which you'd know if you'd read the whole thread.

DDs first outfit was a Celtic strip, shorts, socks and all.

Parents are entitled to hold whatever beliefs they like, even if they’re a load of nonsense, and they’re entitled to pass them on to their children

As much as most of us wouldn't have commented, I certainly wouldn't. I do think if you're spouting sexist shite in public you run the risk of being called out on it.

The woman made the mistake of speaking to the son. She should have spoken directly to the op.

But yeah, I think if you're doing something that is perceived as damaging, from teaching a child something sexist, through to showing them how to hit them uou do indeed run the risk someone will call you out on your behavuour.

Best to keep that crap behind closed doors if you don't want people to comment.

I am asking if those posters have dressed their sons in skirts and dresses since birth so that by the time the boy can choose his own clothes, he has been exposed to the clothing of both genders.

I didn't dress DD in skirts and dresses from birth, so I'm not sure why I'd dress my sons in skirts and dresses from birth either

Kilts may well be traditionally male clothing, doesn't stop the sneers from non Scots when they're worn does it?

*some non Scots that should have read.

My advice to thank her in your head was kindly meant. Imo to have been so upset as to make a thread and still be ruminating you perhaps have self esteem issues. My experience is that if you thank someone in your head for the learning experience it can be cathartic and a way to move past your feelings. She didn’t belittle you imo.

'Boys toys' is a completely normal thing to say

I have a boy and a girl. She liked girls toys and he likes boys toys. She's now 20 and studying to be an engineer. Trust me, just call them what you want and let them play with what they want.

Because it's all well to emulate the 'superior' gender but to imitate the lower gender is not tolerated in the same way

This sums up my feelings totally. And why I feel so strongly about it as I have a daughter, and I have the daughter who was told she couldn't play with the boys toys.

I agree it's one thing for your daughter to want a scaletrix or a football. It's a whole other ballgame when your son wants a doll and a pram and to dress the doll up and do its make up.

Because that would be demeaning right. Boys are more superior than that. They don't do that shite we expect of girls. Because girls are inferior.

She was right, good for her for speaking up.
We should be speaking up and trying to change attitudes like yours.
I would have judged you but kept quiet to avoid a confrontation.

Since John Lewis has been mentioned - has anyone noticed how they’ve quietly reverted to dividing clothes by gender? In 2017 they made a big fanfare about their clothes being gender neutral and removed the filter options from the website. Then people complained because they didn’t want to waste time scrolling through pink and dresses that they’re never going to put on their sons no matter how much JL insists they’re gender neutral. So JL has dropped the whole idea and quietly replaced the filters and gender categories. Because in the real world most people still believe in boys and girls.

Ur right to be annoyed . She must have a sad life jumping to conclusions about how you raise your child , ignore it and don’t let it ruin ur day x

There are toys that are marketed to boys. There are toys that are marketed to girls. They are in separate aisles. They get referred to as boys toys and girls toys.

This is handy newsworthy or something to get upset about.

Get over it.

(Not you OP)

I agree with her, but not in a million years would I communicate that to a stranger.

She was right, you are unreasonable to teach your son outdated stereotypes.

You could easily have said the cars/action man/whatever were in the next aisle. That way next time some little girl goes to play [insert appropriate ‘boys’ toy] with your son, she wouldn’t have to deal with your son repeating what you’ve taught him - that she can’t play with them because they’re for boys.

Yanbu, she should mind her own business!

YANBU - it was a private conversation between you and your DS which she rudely butted into unsolicited.

I have 2 dds and just had a little boy (2 months). I’ve been shocked and depressed by the number of people who have told me I will have so many more toys in the house now because I will have to buy “boys’ toys”. My girls play with babies, dinosaurs, cars, toy kitchen, tool set and Bob the builder hat, and my little ponies...I will encourage ds to do likewise. I’d have thought it was obvious that referring to boys’ and girls’ toys is damaging and wrong.

She was wrong to say it out loud but I think that most people will be thinking like her. I think that this pink/blue shit has created the sharp rise in non-binary kids. Otherwise boys who like unicorns or girls who like football are meant to feel like freaks for not liking what marketers have decided.