Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

Of course they are dear.
If you say so.

Personally I want my children grow up knowing that gender stereotypes are damaging bullshit and to make their own minds up, by not forcing them into stupid boxes from early childhood.

I'm not sure if you misunderstood my post or what as we seem to have a similar opinion on the topic?

By "woke of all" I'm referring to people who think gender is decided on whether you like girls stuff or boys stuff

Whether you agree with her or not, it was a gross impertinence for her to say "Let your Mummy know that" - who does she think she is? The Toy police?

You did right. She needs to mind her own business.
I prefer woke people who preach to the converted.

It’s proven that boys and girls will
Opt for toys deemed as own sex many times over. Despite trying to offer otherwise. There are always exceptions and cross overs within this.

Recently as study of very young apes had female apes mimicking there mothers and going for dolls and male apes going for the boys stuff. It’s believe it’s ingrained at birth.

However I do feel Shop’s have no need to market boys and girls anymore. Most people know what they want to buy a child and the child certainly knows what they prefer.

I don't believe the majority of men would wear dresses if they were made to fit men's bodies. I think nature has a lot to do with whether you would or not. I don't believe my DH, DF or DBs would wear a dress if one fitted them.

Well men from other cultures wear thawbs, kilts and kaftans without giving it a second thought so I doubt it's anything to do with nature.

But the lady in question was being unreasonable. I bet was a MN

I think you're fine. You aren't telling he can't play with barbie or whatever. I understand the sentiment and people's desires to be politically correct and make sure no child feels pigeonholed and unhappy. But you know what your boy likes right now. Things ARE marketed towards boys and girls sometimes. In general it's good to be conscious of these things but no one should be forced to overthink things in casual conversation with family. She was out of line chastising you, but i probably would've ignored her (although it would have irritated me as well)

I really appreciate everyone’s views and I know that not everyone will have the same opinion.
I was definitely more annoyed that she decided to impose her opinion on my son- who really didn’t have a clue what she meant or why she was saying anything really.
I will be completely honest that I do believe in toys aimed for girls and toys aimed for boys ( I’m expecting to receive abit of grief over this ) but I think it’s just how I was brought up and as I said- my children are welcome to play with whatever they want, If he wanted to stand and look at dolls and unicorns in the supermarket then that’s fine. The only reason I directed him to the other stuff is because he was looking for something imparticular.
Obviously I agree with some things people hAve said, but others I don’t. For example I don’t believe I’ve conciously made him like ‘ boy ‘ things. He in my opinion has just gravitated towards things he obviously enjoys, such as football and avengers. Did I say anything when he spent a day at eureka in a princess dress ? No of course not. I’m well aware he likes whatever he likes, in this instance I knew what he was looking for as we had spoke about it and it is marketed as a ‘ boys toy ‘ which may well be wrong but it is

AryaStarkWolf I misunderstood your post out of context, I did apologise upthread but didn't tag you. I'm sorry.

@InTheHeatofLisbon no worries

I agree with the woman.

Did this actually happen...

OP I said (and stand by) that she should never have spoken to your son the way she did, or even forced her opinion on to you. That was absolutely out of order.

I hope this thread has challenged gender stereotypes, even a wee bit, because they are really damaging.

AryaStarkWolf thanks. I do actually agree with you as it happens!

The whole toys for boys/toys for girls thing does my head in. I was annoyed by it in the early 1970s when I got a toy pram but not the trainset I'd been on about for years. I can't believe parents are still peddling this crap to their DC. Yes, you do get girls totally obsessed by dolls (I had one) but you also get ones dead keen on weaponry and martial arts (I had one of those too). Just let them choose, don't reinforce stereotypes by pushing them in a particular direction. They'll get enough of that shit anyway.

Out of interest, all the posters who think the OP is unreasonable for saying "boys toys", have you dressed your sons in dresses as well as trousers since birth?

@NoSauce I wish it didn’t least Sainsburys had a nice patisserie section to calm me down

Well men from other cultures wear thawbs, kilts and kaftans without giving it a second thought so I doubt it's anything to do with nature.

Whenever DP has worn a kilt in front of non Scottish men, the skirt jokes are never far behind.

Ironically, seeing a man in a kilt does things to me that a man in a morning suit could never do!

least Sainsburys had a nice patisserie section to calm me down

I love the jam and cream fingers. They're horrendously sweet but feel like such a dirty treat

If you think about it. Really think about it uou can see how damaging these early sterotypes are.

Boys. Cars. Action man. Racing. Building. Fighting. Shooting.Speed. Adrenaline. Super hero outfits. Play at being a super hero. Fighting crime.

Girls. Dolls, prams, kitchens, tea sets, ballerina outfits, princesses, sparkly shit. Make your dolls look pretty, play at having babies, play at making tea or being in your little pretend kitchen, be a princess for the day, be a pretty little ballerina.

It's all built into their toys, the stereotypes that many of us as adults are battling.

Telling the little girl that she too can like cars and be a super hero. The little boy that boys also cares for babies. That he too can cook and make tea. The kitchen isn't just the girls domain. And the babies aren't just mummies domain.

It's all right there, from day one, in their toys. Teaching them what's expected of them.

So yeah it's damaging. It's the very first building block in what is hugely damaging societal expectations.

Praiseyou both my boys wear kilts. But as babies, my sons and daughters wore all in ones then jeans or joggies.

DD didn't wear a skirt until she was about 2!

YANBU, I'm more shocked she actually approached you and your son, and I would of been very honest and blunt with her much worse then you were.

It's not like you said 'Oh no DS those are girl toys, let's go find the boy toys'

She's a complete stranger to you, made her own assumption and it backfired.

@Spinoni I think the issue people have though is why do there have to be those labels at all, even if you do think that more boys will still go for the "boys" toys, isn't removing the labels just going to remove the stigma aswell for those who want to play with other options?

I don't think that woman should have said anything to you or your son btw, however I do agree with her opinion on boys/girls toy labels. There's not really a positive to come out of the labeling but there are negatives

I don’t make any distinction between the way toys are marketed in my own head or life, but it would be ridiculous for people to be so PC that they don’t see that “boy” and “girl” toys do exist from the marketing perspective. Is it right? No, but most of us will ignore the boy and girl labels and buy our kid what they actually like.

When I was young I was massively into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers. My slightly younger sister loved My Little Ponies and Polly Pockets, my elder brother liked Action Men but loved the big dolls house our Granddad made for us. We’d pool all our toys together in the sand pit and play our own weird version of Risk with role-play for each character.

But to answer your question, I find it disheartening that people will jump on you for not being PC in every moment of every day, so that when you do say something such as “boys toys are that way” another felt they could judge you as a parent and person from the briefest of windows into your life.

Just saying that doesn’t mean your Son is being forced into anything, if he decided he wanted a fairy wand instead of a car toy (just for example) you’d have gotten him the fairy wand. But you know what he likes and directed him to them. Toys are just toys - that I agree with - but she should’ve kept her nose out of your business IMHO.

least Sainsburys had a nice patisserie section to calm me down

There’s always an upside