Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

I would have told her to mind her own business

Ignore the do-gooding cunt I would of said the same as you and also told her to fuck off

@bertieandernie thanks for making me feel slightly better about myself before bed! Didn’t realise what a monster I was

milk but of course they’ll pick those stickers, because that’s the message that’s been thrust at them since birth. Why not get in stickers that aren’t so polarised? My mum was a dentist back in the day and her stickers said things like ‘Danger I bite’ . No pink or blue in her surgery - there just wasn’t in the 70s.

@Spinoni have no problem with gender toys, if a boy wants to play with “girl toys” I’d let them with no problem but still in my head consider them as girls toys but toys are toys and it doesn’t really matter does that make sense or am I mad lol x

Does this mean baby girls shouldn't wear pink or bows, or we shoukd also put bows on our baby boys? Biys and girks are different and dress differently. What's wrong with that? Example previous poster, kid got bullied for wearing unicorn hat. Well if poster didn't encourage kid to do that then kid wouldn't get bullied. Let boys dress as boys and girls dress as girls and kids play with whatever toys they chose, but let's not set our kids up for more grief at school, its hard enough.

So how many boys would need to play with a toy before it stopped being a girl toy?

@BarbariansMum it’s just considered stereotypically a girls toy! Not a toy for JUST girls..... like when Yorkie bars used to have the slogan “not for girls” it wasn’t just for boys was it?

I wonder if there would be an uproar nowadays if Yorkie still put “Not for girls” on their bars

Does this mean baby girls shouldn't wear pink or bows

Babies definitely shouldn't wear bows, most baby girls who are made to wear them don't even have any hair.

kid got bullied for wearing unicorn hat. Well if poster didn't encourage kid to do that then kid wouldn't get bullied.

Nice bit of victim blaming there.

**cassian
I agree, but the ‘gender neutral’ ones get left in the box! No-one chooses them!

A boy wearing an unicorn hat would not get teased if someone had not explained to the teasers, that unicorns are for girls and a boy should not like them, would he now?

The world has gone mad with people being overly offended by everything

Bertie you talk like stereotypes are a good thing!! Can you really not understand the issues and damage they cause?

The world has gone mad with people being overly offended by everything

Gender stereotyping is something worth getting offended IMO

@Benes I’m not saying it’s a good thing, I just think it’s programmed into the way a lot of people think

Exactly! It's called socialisation. That's why it needs challenging. It's damaging in many, many ways.

I think this whole gender thing is going too far now. No boys toys or girls toys just toys.
I remember dds reception teacher telling me they were concerned she didn't play with the construction toys I should encourage her to play with everything.
Never mind she was just getting over a 3 year obsession with Bob the builder and yes had all the toy machines. At that time she just preferred dolls and dress up.
They were making the bigger deal out of it as I think people are doing now in general.

Spinoni yanbu - i wouldn't have been too polite either, she should keep her nosey beak out. Your parenting is non of her business.

milk but if you got rid of the sexed stickers and only unisex ones were left then they would!

All the children are doing to acting as they have learnt to from the moment their sex was known.

I would have judged too- but silently. I feel very strongly about gender issue and I have fought against stereotypes for my many years of parenting. However, I would not have said anything to you or your child because I think that’s really unfair and unpleasant. Sorry you were upset and I hope your evening gets better!

Maybe op and a few others on here might think about not saying 'boys' toys' in future thanks to the woman calling her out. You can't change people overnight but even giving pause for thought is a step in the right direction.

No boys toys or girls toys just toys..

The way it always was. Until comparatively recently 'children's' colours were bright, primary colours: not this lazy, sexist marketing that looks like an explosion in a sugared-almond factory.

This significant colour-change has only happened since around the 1980s (so who exactly is foisting their modern, 'progressive' ideas on who)? In any case, all this 'gender-neutral' stuff - not least the term 'gender-neutral' in itself - tends to be discussed in inflammatory contexts (and is usually accompanied by the suffix the phrase 'gone too far').

It's crapola. 'Unisex' or just plain 'toy' (contemporaneous with the primary colours etc) provokes no argument, and doesn't exactly carry the same provocative connotations. This is because, in reality, there are none.

It's simple marketing. Colour-coding children's clothes and supposed 'gender-specific' toys are just some corporate heavyweights' idea of what children should be and do, in a ruse to sell more products. No more, no less.

It's quite distressing to read some of these comments. So many people saying they'd have responded by swearing at the woman. That would be such an ugly, undignified way to respond, particularly in front of a child. Also, maybe the lady shouldn't have said what she did aloud, but she was absolutely right.

Perhaps a comment from a stranger, is what it takes to make a person reconsider their approach to gender stereotyping.

Hardly! It's about the last circumstance that could persuade someone to take any real notice; even where said interfering stranger happens to be right. And if the recipient of their interference doesn't openly respond with a well-aimed 'fuck off and MYOB', they will likely think it, and then move on.

But I don't imagine 'thank you for that unsolicited, unwanted parenting advice, random stranger in supermarket' is the first sentiment that ever springs to mind ...