Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

She needs to mind her own bloody business.

I don't think your son is going to grow up to be a misogynist or crushed by toxic masculinity because you used the phrase "boys' toys".

"But things are marketed towards a certain gender in every supermarket/ toy shop"
Except actually over the last decade most supermarkets/toy shops have actually committed to removing signs separating toys by gender.

www.theguardian.com/money/2013/apr/30/boots-removes-gender-signs-toys
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-30191100
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/retailandconsumer/8952627/Toy-signs-changed-after-Hamleys-accused-of-sexism.html

Also, as others have said, mortified means embarrassed or ashamed, not horrified.

I would have been shocked that someone young enough to have a 4yo was thinking like this in 2019. Not sure I'd've said anything, but if I were with dh I would have started a pointed conversation with him about the concept of gendered toys (I liked girl and boy toys as a child) and the damage stereotyping does to society as a whole. You probably wouldn't have listened

I don't really understand why sexist marketing is so totally fine and normal. If a toy manufacturer made special ranges for black and white kids, would that be OK too if there's research that more white kids play petanque or something?

I don’t think you can win these days! I have twice now taken my DS (7 months) out in his pram wearing all white. It’s been hot and I have dressed him in light outfits and I’ve been approached and told what a beautiful little girl I have. I corrected the first woman who said it and heard her mumble to her friend about ‘if he is a boy I should dress him like one’ (!!) the second person who said it to me I decided to just politely smile, he was wearing white but drinking from a blue sippy cup?!

As for marketing toys, I agree with you, they are marketed differently.

I think the lady was interfering, it seems everyone these days feels it’s their place to pass some kind of comment. I probably wouldn’t have bitten back but would have rolled my eyes at her!

YANBU

“you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that”

^ She shouldn’t have even spoke to your son, she doesn’t know him!

I think I do believe in boys and girls toys though

Well, you’re part of a massive problem we have then with sex inequality in this country.

YABU

YANBU - too many people feel they have the right to comment on things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. She was condescending and her comment was unwarranted.

People need to get a bloody grip and keep their unwanted comments to themselves ffs

I think she was unnecessary.

As a child I played with a lot of 'boys toys' like cars and garages, trains and footballs. I was never a very girly girl though I did have a doll and dolls house too. As a student I worked in Hamleys toy store in london and despaired of the different floors - the girls one had toy irons and ironing board, hoovers and dolls, toy prams etc. The boys floor was full of really fun trains and cars and machines.

But both my kids, of their own volition, chose very stereotypical girl and boy toys matched to their sex and they played very differently. They confirmed to those norms without any nudge from me.

I can imagine saying what you said as a shortcut (ie the type of toys you prefer) to recognising their own preferences without being pre-disposed to those stereotypes myself. So being forced by a stranger to justify my parenting would make me feel unfairly judged.

But she felt very right on so that's okay then. Judging other women!

There are some truly batshit people on this thread.

I had to check this wasn't netmums.

I've made it to the ripe old age of 45 and have yet to encounter a judge, cheeky fucker who chooses to voice their opinions to me in public
Am I doing something wrong?

I have 3 children and have never once been verbally judged either hobnobs. It means you are doing everything right, or you look like you could turn nasty. I'm the latter.

Definitely not the former
Maybe I look too scary

drinking from a blue sippy cup?!

Yes. Girls can't drink from blue cups in case they grow a penis.

Completely agree with @Nesssie

Yabu to say boys toys to your son, your teaching him if it's not in that section you call 'boys' then he can't play with it 🙄 I probably wouldn't have said anything to you but she was completely right and I would have judged you

One of my in laws came round once. Her ds and my DC were playing in the garden. Suddenly, I hear her screaming "nooooooo". I rushed out panicking that something dreadful or dangerous had happened...then I heard her screaming "don't get on it, it's a girls bike"....her ds had tried to have a go on my dds pink trike.

I thought she was absolutely mental.

“My daughter is 22. So her toys were before all the pc shite.“

So is mine. Prime Barbie and Action man era. Do you really not remember the massive marketing push for the Barbie Cinderella carriage? My fil queued for hours to buy them for his granddaughters. The gendering of toys was awful-

There was a fantastic program a few years ago on the BBC that looked at stereotypes in toys, colours and clothes and how children developed emotionally and academically as a result. It revealed how detrimental stereotypes can be, to both boys and girls, and also the unconscious bias in adults.

It’s not ad radical as the title suggests, but well worth a watch for anyone who wonders why there isn’t equality between men and women and for anyone who thinks things like toys don’t matter.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=wN5R2LWhTrY

There was a fantastic program a few years ago on the BBC...

Several people have mentioned this and I (probably others) shared links to it at lunchtime:

===================================
"Brilliant programme. Random article about it: www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/101449965/the-tv-experiment-that-turned-kids-gender-free

Episode 1: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN5R2LWhTrY
Episode 2: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp9Z26YgIrA "

The whole girl/boy toys vs gender neutral debate aside...

Has anyone anyone experienced the "quality wooden toys" vs "plastic tat" snobbery?

The former cost 3x as much as the later and they all made the same damn noise when being banged against the bloody radiator

‘urgh. Glad someone pulled you up on it OP’

See, it’s this kind of patronising attitude that makes people want to do the exact opposite and tell you to F off and mind your own business. You aren’t going to win any arguments by hectoring.

This may have already been shared as I havent read every post. An experiment where babies were dressed in clothes of the opposite gender to see what toys the adults thought they "preferred". Gender "preferences" are very affected by adult stereotypes of what girls and boys should like

I hate OP’s attitude. It’s the reason why my niece used to get teased for liking to play football / cricket / with lego / cars. Funnily enough the teachers only got involved when that teasing turned into violence and she used self-defence (learned through karate which she loves) - somehow it was her fault. Things improved a lot when she joined a private girls school. She doesn’t get bullied for being herself any more.