Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

OP, I wouldn’t lose sleep over you answering back to her. I would have done the same and not felt an ounce of guilt about it either. Hate interfering busybodies.

I wouldn't have said what she said. I would have thought it though.

Generally my son likes completely different things to his female friends. It doesn’t mean they don’t each play with each others toys but generally I do see a difference between boys and girls toys.

Generally is the important word and if that is what your son likes fine. But what about the boy who likes dolls or the girl who likes football and over hear you, how will they feel? r your son calls them out with "girls/boys toys" at nursery. Move with the times.

I agree with the woman.
I work with children and tell them that they can play with what they choose. I also tell them that there are no such things as 'girls toys' or 'boys colours'.

Interfering woman was obviously a MNetter

Most boys tend to prefer those toys over toys that are traditionally targeted at girls. That's how the stereotypes exist in the first place

The blind, wilful ignorance of comments like this make me despair.

Sorry YABU.
It seems a lot of people think she was correct, but unreasonable to say something. I applaud her guts to do so. In this an age people thinks its ok to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour and then complain that society is going downhill.
It doesn't matter what you say you meant when you said boys toys (although it seems that you are trying to play the victim) it is what you said.
I assume that you just proved what a bully you are by your reaction, rather than explain what your 'meant'.

I was trying to say that if they did it would probably be only those with a feminine nature who would.

Why do you think that though? What is it about a dress that is feminine other than what we're told? In Roman time men wore dresses and there was nothing feminine about it then

In theory I agree with the woman but she shouldn't have said anything.

She was not right. Her role was to keep her mouth shut. Your son was not being thrashed in the aisle, you weren't being unreasonable and you know your son's preferences. To those who think you may have been rude to the woman... what the hell were you supposed to do. An interfering do-gooder stopped minding her own business and thought it was okay to butt in ... I'd have given her short shrift. She'll think twice next time.

@Cheeseandwin5
I really wasn’t going to reply to much else as I thanked everyone for their input and views and reflected on them.
But I think to call me a bully is very rude. I didn’t have to explain what I meant to a total stranger, if a total stranger commented on your every day life do you have to explain to them? No.
I’m not a bully in the slightest. God forbid I said BOYS toys but you can now assume you know I’m a bully?

Cheeseandwin5 there was no bad behaviour going on here. And do you honestly think that a stranger saying something like that to a random buy mother, will change her mind? I imagine that if anything it would harden her stance. Because when a stranger is bloody rude out of nowhere, we feel angry and defensive. And nothing good comes out of that.

Yeah I don't believe the OP is a bully for her reaction eventhough I may agree with the womens opinions on Boys/girls toys.

Also, it's a really topic to discuss so I'm glad the thread exists for that reason alone

interesting topic*

Oh ffs it doesn't matter how the OP worded it! She was insinuating it in a way her son would understand. The other woman was an interfering bitch and tbh I would of said a lot more to her then you did. Mine starts with f and ends in off.

If I want to teach my child that toys are gendered then I will. Either way it’s none of your business
But why would you want to? Genuine question.
Same reason as some people teach their kids that God exists. Because they believe it. And they’re entitled to believe it if they so wish, and to teach it to their kids without other people sticking their noses in.

yabu op. I understand you didn't mean anything by it but calling them boys toys and girls toys may well end up in your son ridiculing another boy for wearing pink or having a doll and that would be a very sad thing indeed. I see a lot of that from boys AND girls because their parents gender these things.

I am sure children will find what they like on their own.

Yes, and then they are told to get away, it's for the other gender..

Idontwanttotalk it is patently ridiculous to suggest that Scotsmen have to think whether wearing a kilt will give the right impression or wonder whether people will question their motives! I'm Scottish and wearing a kilt is as everyday as iron brew and haggis: in that we don't do it everyday but it's part of our heritage and we enjoy it. My OH and DCs ( allboys) wear them regularly to rugby and football games and festivals and the older 2 wear them ever week to scouts ( part of the uniform). Don't comment on something you have no direct experience of.

Most boys tend to prefer those toys over toys that are traditionally targeted at girls. That's how the stereotypes exist in the first place

The level of ignorance in this statement is astounding

Take a look at the Toys are Toys campaign on FB they're really campaigning hard against this sort of thinking and are having some success in getting stores to get rid of the boys/girls separation.

Saying “boys toys” is extremely offensive. I might not have been able to keep my mouth shut either. I would have tried though because calling out random people in a store is unlikely to be useful.

That some strange women in a supermarket thinks it’s appropriate to ‘challenge’ OP on her innocent terminology in relation to her child, is bonkers. On a bad day I really would have told her to foxtrot oscar.

I may add that once a huge Rastafarian man told my then 2-year old son he should not be pushing a dolls buggy because he was a boy. I told him to FO as well. I don’t take kindly to people offering their unwanted advice/criticism of my children or how I parent them in supermarkets.