To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Oh, Greeve’s looking for white people to bash again...

I really don't have to look far on this site.

What a lot of disheartening responses. Total lack of empathy from lots of folk here

Can people really not understand why a breastfeeding woman might want privacy from other people's partners and husbands? They're complete strangers to her, which is presumably why she went into the private area - for privacy. If she doesn't want/need privacy she would presumably feed in public.

I personally was fine walking around feeding from when DS was about a week old to when he got a bit heavy for one-armed holding/feeding at around 6 months. Doesn't mean I don't get why lots of women are uncomfortable bearing their breasts in front of strange men - yes, yes, breasts are for feeding, but as a society we have sexualised them massively. Men can and do stare at them, which is why women often don't want to expose them.

A man in there alone just sat there watching women breastfeed, i would complain about.
A man in therd full on fetish chestfeeding a doll, id walk straight out and complain.

A man in there bottle feeding a baby wouldnt bother me.
A man in there with his wife who was maybe obviously struggling with the baby alone, wouldn't bother me, unless he was sat down taking up a chair.

But then, i breastfed for four straight years everywhere, so very rarely used these rooms.

How do all the posters who think op should get over herself feel about men in women’s changing rooms and toilets?

I think that a store like John Lewis should be able to provide space for both.
It's reasonable for some women to want privacy from men for cultural reasons, cause there's not comfortable breastfeeding in front of people yet, cause they have received abuse for breast feeding in public etc.
It's also reasonable that men be involved in breast feeding/ bottle feeding.
It wouldn't be an issue if there were a range of spaces to do this in and if there were not stigma in doing it in public but we all know there is and we know women get told to cover up all the time.
I think it's reasonable to ask if the space is women only and if it's not to suggest they provide one.

Luckily it seems @Greeve is the minority here, and most of us concur that breastfeeding mothers rightly deserve privacy if we want it and men's entitlement to be present in a breastfeeding room is null and void.

When DD was small I used to pop into a certain shop sometimes to feed her, not because I needed privacy but because it was the only place near the station to sit down.

They had a changing room, a feeding room complete with microwave and a breastfeeding room. You’d still get men in the breastfeeding room.

Pretty clear to see what their motivation was.

I know people from my culture don't spend 100s on "lactation consultants".

It's a breastfeeding room for women who feel uncomfortable feeding in public.

It is totally inappropriate for men to be in there.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. It's a total invasion of your privacy

I agree - I interpret these feeding rooms as places where women often go because they may not be comfortable feeding in public - perhaps for cultural reasons or because they’re still developing their confidence with feeding. As much as I believe breastfeeding in public and seeing a bit of boob isn’t a big deal, I appreciate that for other women having your breast out is a bigger deal and they may want a bit of privacy away from other people (men).

I know people from my culture don't spend 100s on "lactation consultants"

Imagine knowing everyone from your culture. Must be exhausting

Parent rooms are totally different from breast feeding rooms. Men have every right to be in parent rooms, men are parents too. Reading through some of the comments on here is quite scary, not all men are sexual predators, fathers aren't just sperm donors, they have every right to change or feed their baby in a safe,comfortable and quiet place. I also doubt that any man in a parent room is interested in looking at a strangers tits, he's more likely to be either dealing with his child or supporting his partner

@Greeve do you genuinely believe that taking away women's choice to use a private space will stop society fetishising breasts? 🤣 Ok then.

Your post smacks of selfish disregard for the feelings of others - you were fine, that's grand, so was I. Lots of women AREN'T fine though, and having the option of a private space helps breastfeeding mothers to get out of the house who might be afraid to feed in public. You only have to read a couple of breastfeeding threads to see that there are lots of women who massively struggle with bf and until they've cracked it (and it can take weeks) they need to expose their whole breast so they can manipulate it and the baby to get a good latch.

Go and read some bf threads and educate yourself.

I wouldn’t be happy with that - I was very self conscious about feeding and struggled to do it ‘discreetly ‘ which is why I used these spaces rather than just getting my baps our at a cafe or wherever

And a dedicated area for breastfeeding mothers should mean just that - breastfeeding mothers only.

So, when it isn't a dedicated area - which is the case here - then it should mean that men can use it also.

I don't get the "safe space" argument anyway. Surely people are more vulnerable sitting on their own behind a curtain than sitting in the middle of a café.

@JacquesHammer

In my culture, especially in my home country, there is no such thing. You'd go to an older female relative for advice or let someone else BF your baby. My sister and I would BF each other's babies here.

I suggested a neighbour speak to a Somali lady on our road who has about 8 kids and BF them all including one with Downs Syndrome but she's programmed to pay someone who might not even have kids to teach her from books. It's a losing battle.

It wouldn't bother me if a whole football team walked in because wherever I feed I do it discreetly, there is absolutely no need to have any degree of flesh on show when bf, and I've only used feeding rooms for comfort not modesty.

JacquesHammer
That really is weird.
Men have no place in breastfeeding rooms.

Owlypants
I agree. If it's a parent room / feeding room/ changing room / family room then it's totally reasonable for dads to be there, even if they're in the minority.
If it's a designated breastfeeding space then they have no place.

Greeve

I volunteered as a breastfeeding counsellor. I saw women of many cultures.

It’s too simplistic to say “my culture doesn’t do x” when, especially in the U.K. there are other factors at play.

@Greeve I breastfed 6 children above and beyond any recommended health requirements, regardless of whether I felt I needed privacy or not when out in public. For most women there is absolutely no connection for the longevity of how long she feeds and privacy whilst out in public. Most of us just get on with it and wean when we feel it's the right time for baby and it's ridiculous to make up unbased assumptions, just because whipped out your tit wherever you felt like it and lasted 4 years.🙄

I don't need to educate myself and as a BF mother, I disagree that you need to get your whole boob out to get a good latch. A good latch is about the timing and getting your boob into a good shape for your babies mouth. Having your whole boobs out can distract you and baby from getting that movement right.

I don't think choice should be removed but I think the fact it is a necessity for you reflects your societal issues with BF and the sexualisation of the female body. I think when we get to a point where they aren't needed, you'll see BF rates rise and more people who aim to BF for 6 months plus will achieve it.