To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

If it's the John Lewis set up I'm thinking of then it's a big parents room, with a changing station, a bottle feeding area, a kid friendly toilet and then a second, smaller feeding area which fits about 3 chairs in for breastfeeding.

If mother's want to breastfeed with their partners they should go to the bottle feeding area to respect the privacy and dignity of the women using the breastfeeding area.

The women likely to be using the breastfeeding area are more likely to be modest, new and unsure or in need of space. It's a simple, easy kindness to respect that.

Some of these comments are very depressing.

There should be a separate breastfeeding area, however it appears this isn't the case for JL so men are allowed. Separate breastfeeding areas should be women only.

I had my kids 11 and 12 years ago and I’m pretty confident in saying you wouldn’t have seen a thread like this then. My dh looked after ds full time from when he was 6 months and he occasionally mentioned the odd time he’d been inconvenienced by co-location if a changing station with feeding room (I didn’t like that either - smelly). But it never occurred to him that the solution to that was to tramp through a bunch of feeding mothers, mainly I think because he’s not an asshole.
The notion that there are spaces justifiably preserved for women performing uniquely female functions has been undermined insidiously over the intervening period. There’s a kind of hatred now for the notion that there are any uniquely female functions. It’s very sad.

Not sure you can have it both ways. People want breastfeeding to be accepted and normalised but here you are complaining about 50% of the population being privy to it. Of course it's different if a man comes in and ogles or behaves weirdly.

I think I'd find it pretty embarrassing if my partner felt entitled to come into a breastfeeding room tbh. I don't use them as I'm happy feeding in public, but if I did, there's no way in hell my partner would dream of coming in and potentially making other women uncomfortable for the sake of chatting for 15 mins. It's not a discussion we even need to have, he just wouldn't do it

The notion that there are spaces justifiably preserved for women performing uniquely female functions has been undermined insidiously over the intervening period. There’s a kind of hatred now for the notion that there are any uniquely female functions. It’s very sad.

This..

If it's a room or area for breastfeeding then it's reasonable for it to be female only.

If it's a general baby changing and feeding room then why wouldn't dads be in there? If we want dads to be doing their full share of parenting then feeding and changing are part of that.

You would also, 11 and 12 years ago, found here midwives and others knowledgeable about bf ing gently and kindly pointing out the importance of privacy for some women, based on solid professional experience. Where are those ladies now? Perhaps they stay on the feeding boards to avoid the maniacs.

Some people may be desperate to talk and share and the presence of a man may have spoil that for others.

Absolutely. And as I said, there are groups for this. If someone can get themselves out to a place such as a shopping centre they are generally capable of getting themselves to a group where there are other women equally desperate to share.

I also appreciate people may be lonely, isolated etc but inflicting this onto others in a situation where they can’t really get away if they are in the middle of breastfeeding is not ideal. Also, an amazing number of people don’t seem to be able to read social cues in this regard.

It's about some women wanting to breast feed in privacy in a 'breast feeding' area.

We dont know that its a breastfeeding area though do we? I breastfed for 3 years - never came across a breastfeeding area. Baby feeding area yes, with rocking chairs and also bottle warmers, so clearly for breast fed and bottle fed babies. I never saw any that were just for breast fed babies. So, if this is a baby change and feeding room then why cant men be there?

Ah yes. One of the usual suspects is here, I see.
Women claim so little public space for themselves. If we can’t have fucking baby feeding rooms maybe we should all just stop existing. That might just satisfy these people, I guess.

My John Lewis just has one large room for changing baby, loos, and feeding. And its signposted as a 'feeding area' and has bottle warmers so not just for breastfeeding. But they all seem to have different set ups anyway.

Unbelievable that some people are making it all about the menz.

They can fuck right off.

Women's spaces are getting fewer and fewer we need to preserve the few we have left. Breast feeders only in those areas. Full stop.

Ah, I see Usual suspects are unable to resist stirring the shit. What a sad life Usual suspects must lead that inspires them to goady fuckery.

And my JL was just the same. In fact it was the only feeding room I ever used, as it was positively palatial (peter Jones - Sloane Square standards prevailed).
Never saw any men in there. Nor did dh ever expect to go in. It’s for feeding babies and that in many cases is something mothers only can do, and they might expect privacy. So he went to the cafe. Not hard.

Ah here we go with the tit whipping again. Breastfeeding thread bingo.

The whole point of these rooms is so bf mothers, who may not be comfortable feeding in public, have a private space to feed.

No men should be in there and if you "need" your husband there will you give your child a quick feed then god help you. What on earth would you do if he dies or pisses off and leaves you?
Pathetic