To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Surely the important thing is to “normalise” the breast.

Yes that would be ideal. Breastfeeding is normal and natural and everyone should think that way. In an ideal world.

In the real world breasts are sexualized all the time by men, including breastfeeding. So therefore if a woman doesn't feel like providing tittilation for someone's Nigel while she feeds her infant, then absolutely, she has a right to privacy.

HoppingPavlova surely if you did not want to talk to other women bout birthing experiences you didn't need your husband there to shut down conversation on behalf of everyone, you could have just asked not to be included in the conversations.

Some people may be desperate to talk and share and the presence of a man may have spoil that for others.

In the John Lewis I used to feed in (youngest now 6 so it's 4-8 years ago) there was a large general feeding area with bottle warmers etc, then the changing area, then tucked around the corner the breastfeeding area (with sofas, water filter and magazines) The implication was definitely that men were not expected in the breastfeeding room, but were in the rest of the parents room.
DH used to get irate and complain if the only changing facilities for babies/toddlers were in female spaces. I don't think he ever needed to use a feeding room (neither really took to bottles).

Surely the important thing is to 'normalise' the breast
For you maybe. For other people it may be more important to be able to breastfeed in private. Not having private spaces for breastfeeding may put some women off from breastfeeding all together.
And Sadiesnakes is right, female breasts are sexualised all the time, including while breastfeeding, in fact lactation is an extremely common fetish.
YANBU, OP, though I do agree that baby changing areas should be open to men. Perhaps a couple of cubicles would be a solution and would provide provision for disabled mothers as well.

If the mother has a baby and toddler or twins, then she needs help. It's not unreasonable for her to have a partner there.

Women go out with babies and toddlers all the time, and with twins or even triplets. There is no reason, from my own experience and from what I have seen, to think that they are unable to venture forth, and breastfeed while doing so, without assistance.

OP, YANBU

I don't think YABU and I used to breastfeed my 5DC(not all at the same time ) anywhere but I know not all woman are comfortable doing that and I'd feel really bad for any muslim mums that were using one of those rooms,having a man walk in there would be beyond awful for them.

I travelled a fair bit when my kids were young and breast feeding rooms are common in other countries. I’ve seen them at most airports too. They are generally designated at quiet, women-only spaces.

just to clarify is it a baby changing room with a chair in a curtained alcove for breast feeding?, a parents room or a breastfeeding room or a feeding room?

and is it the only such place in the store? if it is then a parent of any flavour can use it, to do parental type stuff, if it is just a breastfeeding room and there is another changing room in the building then you might have a valid complaint ( if the parent is only there to chat rather than to feed or change a child) but again if it is a combo room or the only one then you really need to use the cover or a curtain cause where else are they meant to change/feed their child?

Men and their partners should be sensitive to the fact that many women like to breast feed privately. YANBU.

Another "scary menz" thread.

OP, YANBU. I hate this expectation that male can just barge in. They are not allowed into female changing rooms, and a breastfeeding area is not that dissimilar - a place where women can be in a state of part-undress without men there making them uncomfortable. The one at my work has a sign up saying it’s for mothers and children only. Maybe that’s the solution.

YANBU of course. Astonishing the extent to which women are influenced by the notion that men must never be restricted, often quite unconsciously.
Re disability- the op is not talking about situations where women need active assistance with feeding. As is perfectly clear.

Also demonstrates how it’s become very unfashionable to point out that some men, given licence, abuse it. Some people are so naive you wonder how they make it through the day.

Ovo you're basically saying the same thing for Muslim women though arent you? As a disabled person your right to have a man there helping trumps my religious views and desire to breastfeed away from male non family members.

I'd feel really bad for any muslim mums that were using one of those rooms,having a man walk in there would be beyond awful for them.
I always see things like this on MN, also with regard to male midwives, and while it's probably true there are many, many equally 'modest' non-Muslim UK women, myself included.

I only point it out because I worry that in the future women won't have the right to object to these things unless on religious grounds.

I’ve used feeding rooms to bottle feed my babies. They aren’t just for bf mums. Bottle feeding mums also need a quiet place to sit down and feed sometimes. Neither of my babies would feed properly when out as they would get distracted unless they were somewhere quiet with not much going on. My husband sometimes takes them out without me. Should he not be able to use the same feeding rooms as me because he is male?

This thread is depressing. Even breastfeeding can be a men's rights issue it seems.

Quite. And the number of women endorsing their right to encroach on any space they choose is shocking.

My husband comes in with me not because I need him there but I like him there. We never got our daughter on bottles (long story) so she is ebf. I don't want him to miss out on spending time with her/us and she enjoys him being around. He's not looking at anyone else's boobs, they've lost all sexual meaning at the moment for him.

I agree we kick up a fuss about normalising it and doing it in public then this comes along.

Adopt, I'm not saying that at all. I'm not trying to trump anyone, or make anyone uncomfortable, or demand anything. I'm just saying that someone might have a very real NEED for a man to be there. Thats it.

I dont know how to balance everyones needs or wants. If someone was upset i'd leave and figure something else out even though that might not be best for me. But unless obvious or someone says something I wouldnt know. I'd hope they'd try to show some understanding back.

Feeding a newborn can take ages, taking the time to sit down between shopping and chatting seems reasonable to me, that said I never bothered with a feeding room, I fed mine in public

You are seriously suggesting your dh cannot be away from you and baby for even the duration of a feed? And that trumps other women’s reasonable expectation of privacy?
This is what’s great about MN. Every day I’m introduced to new brands of extreme unreasonableness.

Sure, Fuma, I shouldnt dare put across an opposing view. I do apologise. There, that better?

The good thing about MN is that I dont have to be that quiet, apologetic person I feel forced to be in some real life situations.