To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

HJWT2 I misunderstood, it read as though you were talking about Jacques husband.

A feeding room, because that was the original purpose of them. To offer women breastfeeding privacy.

Were they? I have a 25 and a 20 year old. Even then the rooms were a combined baby change and feeding area. They also had bottle warmers and warmers for baby food. How were these rooms for breast feeding only?

I could bottle feed my babies anywhere.

Though that isnt entirely true is it? Where can you bottle feed a baby other than in a restautrant or cafe, in which case you have to buy something in order to use the facilities. Maybe ok if youre in a shopping centre or somewhere tgat has benches and the weather is ok and you have some way of heating the bottle. Not so great in the rain or the cold or your high street has no benches.

So, no. General baby change/feeding rooms arent intended only for breast feeding. Or if they are, where is a dad meant to change a nappy if he cant go into one of these rooms?

Good lord I've been out for a few hours and there's even more men pleasing stupid on here.

Empathy is what these people need to develop. An empathy for the wider sisterhood of women.

'Are we saying women who couldn't bf in front of a man for cultural needs should just stay at home then?'

Yes, plus all women who are unwilling to do it for other reasons.

And here again we gave someone asking where men - won’t somebody please think of the men!! - will change nappies. Completely ignoring the fact that there are plenty of changing facilities not co-located with feeding facilities.
Because what we must not have, under any circumstances, is acceptance of the proposition that there might be something women can have which men aren’t allowed. Because if we have that the sky will fall in. And if we have to distort reality, common sense, basic human decency to maintain that position we will fucking well do it.
Why I ask?? Why why why? What the hell are you getting out of it?

Alex I asked that question before but got no response.

TheBigBallOfOil

Where are these places then? Because at my local shops/shopping centres the feeding and changing area is the same place, so clearly the providers of these rooms intend for them to be used by all and not just by breast feeding mothers.

If a separate room is provided only for breast feeding in then by all means ban everyone bar the breast feeding mother.

Im taking issue though with those demanding that every other area needs to be breast feeders only, regardless of what the providers intend it to be.

If a feeding/changing area is provided please explain where you've decided bottle fed babies should be fed and changed if it isnt in the designated area?

I've also asked that question but had no response as yet Alex

Presumably these women also need help from their husbands at 12.30am, 3.30am and 5.30am. You know like a chat sort of support thing in the middle of the night. Every night. For months.

I never changed my babies in the dining room or kitchen in my home. I did feed them there though.

That is not a serious question. I have been in 100s of changing areas not located in feeding rooms. And so have you.
See my point earlier re distortion. Really interested in what you get out of doing that. I have my own theory.

I also never fed my baby whilst sitting on the toilet.

Well, in the John Lewis that the OP's talking about, the men can change nappies in the baby-changing area. The feeding area is separated from that by a curtain. She is asking about the men who wander into the curtained-off bit to sit and talk with their partners, not the men in the changing area changing their babies.

Honestly it is like people are compelled to make up totally different scenarios to get grumpy about. "YABU because what if what if WHAT IF it didn't have a curtain and it did have a changing table and he wasn't talking he was there to feed the baby? Then what?" Well then it would be a totally different situation, wouldn't it?

placemats

I have seen that said on threads though - that even if baby is ebf dad should still get up for every feed to help mum, change nappies etc.

If a feeding/changing area is provided please explain where you've decided bottle fed babies should be fed and changed if it isnt in the designated area?

It's not uncommon for child-friendly cafes to have a baby food/bottle-warming station - isn't that the most obvious solution for anything but BF?

I would like somebody to please tell me, this support and encouragement that some women are saying they need their DP there for, what form does this take? Seriously, what does he actually do that means you can’t do it without him there?

Likewise. I suspect we will be waiting a long time for an answer

Well then it would be a totally different situation, wouldn't it?

Maybe, maybe not.

Plenty of people have said tgat their JL doesnt have this arrangement and that you have to walk through tge feeding area to get to the changing area.

We still dont know if this curtained off area is for both breast and bottle feeding (which is daft if it is but then is poor provision ratger than the fault of the people using it) or just for breast feeding.

Plus my biggest issue is with those saying that all feeding rooms have only ever been intended for breast feeding, regardless of what tgey are called, and tgat men have no business being in them and should bottle feed their baby elsewhere, even if elsewhere is impossible.

I've said a millikn times that a designated breast feeding only space should only be used by the woman who is breast feeding so I dont get why you are so angry at me?

This is rapidly becoming so absurd as to not be worth engaging with. I can only pity people so determined to bend the knee to males that they cannot even allow other women exclusive use of what amounts in most cases to a smelly broom cupboard.
Truly mad

It's not uncommon for child-friendly cafes to have a baby food/bottle-warming station - isn't that the most obvious solution for anything but BF?

No it isn't because you have to pay to use those facilities. Why shoukd breast feeding mums get a free facility but demand everyone else has to pay for it? What if you can't afford to go into a cafe every time your child wants a feed?

Oh really? Decomposing

So when my ebf baby was with me and his dad was away because of work at 8 weeks old, only for a few days at a time, I was supposed to do what? Wait until dad came home?

I only used bf facilities (in boots and mothercare) when I was buying something from them, I never assumed these places were a 'free facility'.

I've said a millikn times that a designated breast feeding only space should only be used by the woman who is breast feeding so I dont get why you are so angry at me?

I've been on this thread as long as you and that's the first time I've seen you write that.

I dont get why you are so angry at me?

I’m not angry at you. I am a little puzzled as to why you’re making up other scenarios about different John Lewis parent rooms in different shops, with dads who are doing different things, though. What point are you trying to make?

And yes of course men can bottle feed babies elsewhere, the same as how we breastfeeding women who don’t feel the need for the curtained-off areas can breastfeed elsewhere.

So when my ebf baby was with me and his dad was away because of work at 8 weeks old, only for a few days at a time, I was supposed to do what? Wait until dad came home?

I don't agree with it, I was simply saying what is said on these threads - that dad should be up everytime tge baby feeds just to support mum. I think it's bizarre but that is what many posters have said.

I only used bf facilities (in boots and mothercare) when I was buying something from them, I never assumed these places were a 'free facility'.confused

Of course they are free to use. Just like toilets in department stores aren't only for their customers. You just go in to use the baby changing room you dont have to buy anything.

placemats

I suggest that you read my posts back then because I've said multiple times that a designated breast feeeding room should be just for breadt feeding mothers and a general feeding area is for everyone.

53rdWay
Because no one else knows of this arrangement in any other JL and op hasn't clarified whether it is a breast feeding only area or whether it is the feeding area.

If it has been designated by JL as the general feeding area tgen anyone who is feeding a baby by whatever method is entitled to be there. So the details are important.

It’s not always about viewing men as threats. I know loads of non threatening men. Doesn’t mean I want to expose my breasts to them