To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

I see we’ve got all the racists and homophobes out today .

We see you , don’t think we are fooled. Everyone knows what kind of woman you are suggesting don’t leave the house.

That and the thinly veiled suggestion that lesbians are perverts.

I know it’s been said before but..
General feeding area / baby change / parents room: male and female parents and carers, all fine.
Specific breastfeeding area: women’s space only. If a mum is disabled and needs help (and I sympathise as I’m disabled myself) maybe quickly checking with any other women that it’s ok for her dh to come and support her.

Errol - why should breastfeeding be in this category?

Eating isn't. Loads of other normal daily activities involving some element of the body aren't.

But these stores have not created BF specific facilities that possess hard rules.

Hm, I wonder if they realise that. Maybe some letters are indeed in order.
Because I'm damned if I can see why they'd intend to provide a BF facility for males.

Also want to be able to feed in a public place, but be able to demand who is and who isn't allowed in it

Breastfeeding in public should be absolutely acceptable. It shouldn’t be compulsory.

If you require the kind of emotional and moral support which can only be provided by your partner being sat there next to you, then fine, just find somewhere to feed where that won't be a problem. Which is most of every public space. You are hardly restricted.

If you want to feed in the private areas because you aren't comfortable with random strangers wandering in for a gawp and/or a natter, then surely you can understand the feelings of other women in there who don't know your bloke from Adam.

late reply sorry - no I meant a site that feminist would become a target for MRAs

You're right, it would. Because it's all about the men.

Fine of you would like to see more effort to challenge the attitude that bf is some thing private/sexual/to be concealed but I hardly think removing the choice to do it privately is the way to go about that!

Will someone please explain why breastfeeding is such a particular activity that it requires such privacy.

If the answer is "because the breast is viewed as sexual and thus people are unwilling to expose it around the opposite sex" then is there any acknowledgement here that it is that sexualisation which is the problem we need to tackle.

Eating isn't. Loads of other normal daily activities involving some element of the body aren't

Most activities which involve baring parts of the body which are usually covered in our society are in this category.

Personally I don't know why women's breasts have any taboos but at present they do.

@placemats you do not need to go inside every toilet to know... Also FOI for public spaces is pretty handy!

Except in the big shops, most baby change are in the disabled toilet.

And Cardiff is not a huge city. It is remarkably easy to be aware of the majority of city centre facilities if you live here.

Also, men are asking for more where the facilities are only in the ladies.

This thread is about a unisex feeding and changing area though... Which is a different thing. It's ridiculous to expect a unisex feeding and changing space to be women's only because some women may be breastfeeding there....

I do agree with another poster though, that if there's a curtain as described by OP, that implies privacy in that area and I would expect people who do not need to be behind the curtain to not go there... But I would not expect them to not be in the room at all.

What if some women start saying they are uncomfortable with men seeing them eat because their mouths are open/exposed. Do we start saying cafes & restaurants must be segregated so women can use any/all but to the expense of couples who wish to eat together?

Oh fuck off. My dad, my brother, lots of random me have seen me eat. I've never been inclined to expose my breast in front of them.

Because by continuing to make bf spaces women only perpetuates the position that breasts are sexual and not to be exposed around men etc

Our local John Lewis has the feeding area before the changing area with no curtain or door. You walk through off to go through the next door to the changing section. DH is often out with DD and goes in to change her. There is no option. People are frequently sitting there giving their babies bottles when i pop in too so it's obviously no perceived particularly as a breastfeeding area more a quiet calm space. Another nearby department store has the two rooms completely separate, I don't think I've ever seen anyone in the feeding room. It's within the ladies loos through a door with a glass panel.

Because by continuing to make bf spaces women only perpetuates the position that breasts are sexual and not to be exposed around men etc

Not sure why you’re obsessed with the idea that the only reason some women want privacy is because the breast is seen as sexual.

Just surprised the amount of women who want equal rights but also don't want a man to be involved

The award for spectacularly missing the point goes to......

It's about a private space for breastfeeding mothers to feed without being exposed.

Men don't need to be involved!!

Because by continuing to make bf spaces women only perpetuates the position that breasts are sexual and not to be exposed around men etc

No, it perpetuates the radical idea of bodily autonomy for women and control over who sees their exposed breasts.

@Fraggling

You don't see the need for sex division anywhere then

There is a HUGE difference between people STRIPPING naked and breastfeeding there child, i understand women feel uncomfortable feeding in front of men because I DO, I don't even like feeding in front of the men in my family but that is why I choose to use a cover. I don't feel other women should have to suffer. If it bothers people so much men seeing them feed then use a cover or find a feeding room with separate cubicles...

I can understand if these men are coming in and sitting down looking but there poking there head in to speak to there partner making sure they are ok etc

My DH would not personally go into one of these open feeding rooms because he finds women breastfeeding around him uncomfortable but unfortunately we live in a world now were so many women want to be able to whip there breast out were ever and when ever so we can't now expect to also have private NO men allowed open feeding areas

That's fine NoIDontWatchLoveIsland, I will happily continue feeding anywhere and everywhere and not being arsed about 'discreetly' in the name of normalising breastfeeding.

What I won't do is demand that women who are less comfortable than I am with this should shut up and do it anyway, for the greater good of educating people.

If you're concerned about removing a taboo then please go about it in more women-friendly ways!

Maybe at most ask for chairs to have curtains between them so you can pull it closed if you want to be hidden, that would be a good option...

I fail to understand why a man, whose wife is breastfeeding, needs to be in a space with other women breastfeeding to “normalise” it.

unfortunately we live in a world now were so many women want to be able to whip there breast out were ever and when ever so we can't now expect to also have private NO men allowed open feeding areas

Why, for heaven's sake? It is an area the size of a broom cupboard in a massive department store. It's not like it's taking 500 car parking spaces away or removing the home furnishings department. Why is that tiny space something that some women can't have, just because other women are fine with feeding in public?

My DH would not personally go into one of these open feeding rooms because he finds women breastfeeding around him uncomfortable but unfortunately we live in a world now were so many women want to be able to whip there breast out were ever and when ever so we can't now expect to also have private NO men allowed open feeding areas

So it’s still all about YOUR husband?

Yes of course we expect female only areas. Breastfeeding in public should always be attainable. It shouldn’t ever be compulsory.

Breastfeeding in public should always be attainable. It shouldn’t ever be compulsory.

This.