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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

999 replies

Lycidas · 05/08/2019 23:15

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/08/2019 14:47

@InTheHeatofLisbon not if they are exposing their breast in public or in a space open to the public.

placemats · 06/08/2019 14:47

So when you visit a friend's house do you demand they have a nappy changing area or do you do like everyone else on the planet and whip out the nappy changing pad in the toilet. My ex used to change them in the car. The disabled toilets then used to also have parental changing facilities.

Bibi I'm astonished that you personally have been to every public male toilet facility in Cardiff and have established that 90% do not have toilets. Clearly there is a need for men to be brought into equality with women in this respect. A case for the local council.

Men need to demand and get equal rights when it comes to getting nappy changing areas in their toilets, if they want to be equal.

It's up to men to change this and not to infringe upon women's spaces.

I'm glad you didn't buy a car from that dealership, the last place I was in had a parent's changing facility. Yep. Separate.

JacquesHammer · 06/08/2019 14:47

*Jacques its not the women's responsibility but why create barriers to men experiencing bf as a normal daily occurrence?

Where do we draw the line? Must we stop eating our own meals with our partners in public?

What about breastfeeding is a problem for men to see? People kiss in public, hold hands, expose skin in various parts of the body. It is the assumed sexualisation of the breast alone which causes issues here and we should be challenging THAT*

You’re missing the point of consent.

Sammi38 · 06/08/2019 14:48

I’ve read the op again. It seems there’s only the chairs behind the curtain for feeding.

There must be another area for feeding or at least some space for feeding.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/08/2019 14:49

If somebody wants 100% control over who they allow to see their exposed body parts they need to do so in an area in which they have the right to control who enters that space.

placemats · 06/08/2019 14:49

not if they are exposing their breast in public or in a space open to the public.

Very telling use of words. Most women on this thread have not given a shinny about 'exposing' their breasts for feeding in public but have the empathy and understanding of those who wish to feed in private.

Vulpine · 06/08/2019 14:50

Agree jaquehammer, are all those dhs 'comforting' their struggling breast feeding partners at 3am, whispering soft words of encouragement in their ear?

fluffyjumper · 06/08/2019 14:50

I believe that men shouldn't be in there. Lots of women for different reasons will use the room to feed. For example religious reasons. I'm self conscious and due a christmas baby, I'm hoping to breastfeed and agree with OP. Surely if the mothers with partners are happy to breastfeed in public (which I fully support and hope I will end up doing) they dont need the room or could go to cafe or leave the partner outside.

caoraich · 06/08/2019 14:51

It's never crossed my mind that these rooms were for breastfeeding. I thought they were just for feeding. And curtained off from changing area because no one wants a poopy bum in their face while eating, including babies.

I had a nice chat in the JL feeding room recently with a new dad who was on his first solo trip with baby and was giving her a bottle. He wanted somewhere quiet he could focus on feeding her properly. I thought it was really nice

53rdWay · 06/08/2019 14:51

You're taking time out, to feed the baby, which only you can do, at least you can have the emotional and moral support and be a team, if he's allowed in.

God, really?

I like chatting to my partner while feeding. So I feed in the 99.999998% of public spaces where that's not a problem.

I would not dream of finding the one, tiny, curtained-off area barely big enough to fit three chairs in it that's reserved for women who care more about feeding in private than I do, and demand he gets to come in there too. That would just be astoundingly selfish.

JacquesHammer · 06/08/2019 14:52

I would not dream of finding the one, tiny, curtained-off area barely big enough to fit three chairs in it that's reserved for women who care more about feeding in private than I do, and demand he gets to come in there too. That would just be astoundingly selfish

Really well put

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/08/2019 14:53

Jacques its not the women's responsibility but why create barriers to men experiencing bf as a normal daily occurrence?

They can literally everywhere else in public, restaurants, cafes, parks, their own homes. Being denied access to a few limited areas just for women/mothers isn't going to kill them just because their wants isn't being centred for once.

placemats · 06/08/2019 14:54

He wanted somewhere quiet he could focus on feeding her properly. I thought it was really nice

He's a selfish man and not very nice at all. If anyone described me as nice I'd be offended.

ErrolTheDragon · 06/08/2019 14:54

If somebody wants 100% control over who they allow to see their exposed body parts they need to do so in an area in which they have the right to control who enters that space.

In our society, it's entirely normal and supported by the EA that there can be areas where the sex of the people entering is supposed to be controlled.

Breastfeeding facilities should be in this category.

dannydyerismydad · 06/08/2019 14:54

I have no issue with a coupe being in the feeding room with their baby. Some women need encouragement and support from their partners, especially when their baby is very new.

I had massive issues the day I was trying to feed my baby and a woman was in there with a whole entourage of 4 other adults and I had to sit on the floor to feed my baby as not one selfish fucker would move.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/08/2019 14:55

If somebody wants 100% control over who they allow to see their exposed body parts they need to do so in an area in which they have the right to control who enters that space.

That's a long winded way of saying they shouldn't be out.

NoSauce · 06/08/2019 14:55

You're taking time out, to feed the baby, which only you can do, at least you can have the emotional and moral support and be a team, if he's allowed in

Why are some posters so wet and bloody dramatic?

Emotional and moral support to feed the baby? Never heard such nonsense.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/08/2019 14:56

53rdWay well said!

Yeahsurewhatever · 06/08/2019 14:56

Feels unnecessary to be personal

Are you suggesting breast feeding is super easy and no women struggle then?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/08/2019 14:57

Breastfeeding facilities should be in this category.

Then go and make them. Campaign for them or fund them. But these stores have not created BF specific facilities that possess hard rules.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/08/2019 14:57

Jaques - still not answering the qu. Where do we draw the line? What if some women start saying they are uncomfortable with men seeing them eat because their mouths are open/exposed. Do we start saying cafes & restaurants must be segregated so women can use any/all but to the expense of couples who wish to eat together?

For me bf is no different to eating a meal. I know that is not true for everyone and perhaps today we are in a transitional era working towards normalisation of bf, but nonetheless, I would like to see more effort to challenge the attitude that bf is some thing private/sexual/to be concealed. To me that is as important as considering the needs of people who take a more extreme view of bodily consent.

JacquesHammer · 06/08/2019 14:57

Are you suggesting breast feeding is super easy and no women struggle then?

I think this is the very reason why female only breastfeeding spaces are essential.

And why even if they’re not ascribed as such, men should be mindful of that fact.

fotheringhay · 06/08/2019 14:59

InTheHeat late reply sorry - no I meant a site that feminist would become a target for MRAs

JacquesHammer · 06/08/2019 14:59

What if some women start saying they are uncomfortable with men seeing them eat because their mouths are open/exposed. Do we start saying cafes & restaurants must be segregated so women can use any/all but to the expense of couples who wish to eat together?

You’d like me to answer the most nonsensical straw man?

Ask me a question that’s relevant and worth answering I’d be happy to do so. Faux naïveté surrounding the issue is tiresome.

Yeahsurewhatever · 06/08/2019 14:59

For the record, totally see both sides of the argument
Just surprised the amount of women who want equal rights but also don't want a man to be involved

Also want to be able to feed in a public place, but be able to demand who is and who isn't allowed in it.
Fair enough, but you must be able to see why someone else may feel differently.

Also the women who can demand and need private space in a public space, and are the ones upset by a man who op has said is not even looking at them, but are calling other people pathetic and selfish

I'm not sure where I stand on it, just seems some people on that side aren't open to discuss without being rude

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