To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

and as long as there is a child present being fed the rooms purpose is fulfilled

You’ve just answered my point beautifully. Maybe you’re worth more?

@InTheHeatofLisbon I'm not telling anyone anything. I think that apart of Bf is learning to do it in every situation. These rooms aren't exactly common and babies do not wait to want a feed. So why would a woman who can not feed in public do then?

Because it's about the baby...

Aye because a baby needs their dad in for a chat while being breastfed by their Mum eh?

Would you be happy if my DP popped into the women's changing room for a quick chat with me while you were changing?

No?

But I want my man there for a chat and according to some on here, that's perfectly reasonable.

Does it take you 45 mins to change?

I’m sure a cafe might care if your dh changed your baby on his lap at theres been several threads on here saying babies should be changed in the facilities provided so as not to be off putting to the other diners.

So why would a woman who can not feed in public do then?

Avoid feeding rooms since they're all about the men apparently!

*at the table.

Tbf if everyone on here unanimously supported the breastfeeding woman's right to a female only space I'd be quite concerned.

A site like that would face all sorts of attack and probably be hounded off the internet

Does it take you 45 mins to change?

Dodged the question beautifully.

Can't you go more than 45 minutes without needing your partner at your side?

Because by your reckoning, a woman has the right to want her partner there for a chat even if women are exposed.

So why in a feeding room and not a changing room?

YANBU - I didn't breastfeed - but these should be women only spaces. My DH wouldn't dream of coming into an area specifically for breastfeeding women - if a women is in there I would presume she wants privacy or five minutes peace. Are we saying women who couldn't bf in front of a man for cultural needs should just stay at home then?

Some women can't seem to spend two minutes away from their partner - I found this out recently with men on a gynaecology ward with me for 9 hours a day 😑

I’d love to know if all these men who seemingly need to chat to their partners whilst feeding the baby when out and about, do the same during the night feeds....

Feeding can take ages. And can be boring. I can understand someone wanting their companion for that day there.

Also the ones I've seen are called parents rooms.

Also the ones I've seen are called parents rooms

Imagine if there was a world beyond your limited experience.

Wouldn’t that be amazing!

I don’t think anyone is actually saying breastfeeding rooms should accommodate men.

It’s the general feeding and changing rooms, as they’re in place for the convenience of parents of either sex.

Feeding can take ages. And can be boring. I can understand someone wanting their companion for that day there.

So your inability to cope with boredom means you get to dictate whether other women feel uncomfortable. Got it.

Still no answer to the changing room question, funny that eh?

A site like that would face all sorts of attack and probably be hounded off the internet

By who? Women? Doubt it.

It’s the general feeding and changing rooms, as they’re in place for the convenience of parents of either sex

So in the OP’s example it’s perfectly reasonable to expect men to be able to use the wider changing area. But not try and encroach behind the curtain if it’s in use.

That seems perfectly reasonable for all parties.

Jacques its not the women's responsibility but why create barriers to men experiencing bf as a normal daily occurrence?

Where do we draw the line? Must we stop eating our own meals with our partners in public?

What about breastfeeding is a problem for men to see? People kiss in public, hold hands, expose skin in various parts of the body. It is the assumed sexualisation of the breast alone which causes issues here and we should be challenging THAT.

JacquesHammer of course that’s reasonable.

I'm not speaking about my bloody self! I can actually think outside my own self and consider what other people want.
These rooms aren't that common. I haven't actually used one since DS 5 years ago. I go without DH for days at a time. And we don't really go out to town together so I've never used one with him.

I don’t think anyone would go behind the curtain if closed? I’m assuming there’s seating by the changing area as well for feeding.

What about breastfeeding is a problem for men to see?

Consent. Of the woman whose breast is exposed in order for him to see that it's normal.

Unless you're telling me women don't have the right to decide who sees their bodies?

YANBU

I’d love to know if all these men who seemingly need to chat to their partners whilst feeding the baby when out and about, do the same during the night feeds....

Or any other feeds.

Changing rooms are not comparable. I ignore it because it was a moronic comparison.
No I wouldn't be happy because genitalia is exposed. However looking at the news I wouldn't say anything as venues now can't do shit about it anyway.

By excluding men, we are putting all the emphasis and responsibility on ourselves. Again.
You're taking time out, to feed the baby, which only you can do, at least you can have the emotional and moral support and be a team, if he's allowed in.

Or he can go off and shop and not be involved and just carry on his day like he doesn't have to worry about a child.

Also surely we don't want BF to be a secret thing that needs to be done away from public eyes and hidden, for the modesty and safety of women.

So in the OP’s example it’s perfectly reasonable to expect men to be able to use the wider changing area. But not try and encroach behind the curtain if it’s in use.

That's completely reasonable.