To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

'I'd assume the man will do what his partner tells him.'

???
Totally bizarre comment!
Men do have minds of their own you know!
How sexist :/

But it’s not about men’s wants trumping women’s is it?

It’s about a baby’s needs being able to be met, and the sex of the caregiver at the time. A baby needs a feed and a nappy change, you’re in a retail park in mothercare, the room in mothercare is a parent room, with sofas, changing mats, bottle warmers and microwave. What is a dad meant to do? Drive home with baby in a soiled nappy hungry? Drive into town after feeding the baby in the car, then use a male toilet with a baby change, or try and find an accessible toilet with a baby change if the male toilets don’t have one?

Or they could walk 3 seconds and use the facilities provided for them to ensure their baby’s needs are met?

Breastfeeding rooms of course should be for women only, but general changing and feeding rooms need to be for caregivers of either sex.

I don't. Think they should be shut. I'm happy to whap a boob out anywhere but these rooms are great. Comfy chairs and plugs for chargers. Lush.

Of course men have their own mind. But in this scenario my experience has been the male asking if they are wanted or not.

Again. If it's solely a BF room then sure whatever.

But if it's a feeding/ parents room. Then no one can be dictated to unless the store decide it to be so.

I don't think the man has more right. I'd assume the man will do what his partner tells him. So if she says to come in and keep her company he will. So two women have their wants in a room with no set rules.

Nice try.

Why do you think a woman who wants her partner there has the right to do so, but a woman who may wish to breastfeed without a male stranger there hasn't got that right?

What if she's an abuse survivor? What if she wants to be able to expose her breast without a man she doesn't know there?

But then, it's all about the men.

But men have been agitating for more baby change fascilities in the mens/ separate from the main loos. My dad did 35 years ago. It's just lots of places don't have the space in the first place.

What if, what if, what if.
What if the woman has MH issues and can't be left alone? We can make a what if to prove our arguments all we want.

Bottom line these are not legal provisions with stipulations of use.

Agree with you @Contraceptionismyfriend

A baby needs a feed and a nappy change, you’re in a retail park in mothercare, the room in mothercare is a parent room, with sofas, changing mats, bottle warmers and microwave. What is a dad meant to do? Drive home with baby in a soiled nappy hungry? Drive into town after feeding the baby in the car, then use a male toilet with a baby change, or try and find an accessible toilet with a baby change if the male toilets don’t have one

I mean realistically what do these dads do when there isn’t access to a “feeding room”.

I presume like we all do and feed baby in the car and change nappy in the car.

It's a feeding space. Open to all. Why should men have to wait on the own outside. It's nice to have your partner to chat too whilst feeding.

But there is access to a feeding room though isn’t there?

It's nice to have your partner to chat too whilst feeding

So find somewhere to do that then

If ever there was a time when “just because you can doesn’t mean you should” was appropriate.

Contraceptionismyfriend so because the law affords no rights to breastfeeding women not to have to share space then they have to just suck it up?

If women had taken that attitude in the past then we wouldn't have the meagre protections we have now!

I'm always saddened when women defend men's rights over women in a vulnerable position (because being exposed is vulnerable) and then try to dress it up as inclusive.

It's the furthest thing from inclusive.

But why should they find somewhere else? Because some stranger who they'll never meet again?

Again two people have two opposing wants. You could easily say the other person should go and find somewhere else.

I have a very small car, feeding and changing my baby in there would be a nightmare. Not everyone drives, using public transport and walking is increasing.

Some of these responses sound like deliberate wind ups

At the JL I go to it had a specific feeding room with an outline of a mother and baby. There was another room for changing. There were no men in there. It was years ago though so it might have changed now but it definitely felt like it was an area for women to feed their babies.

DH would wait on the chairs outside or go for a wander. He would think I’d have lost my mind had I asked him to come in with me. Not that he would have.

Yes. I'm not defending the mans right. Some women want the company/ support. I could easily say I'm supporting them. Not the man.

Why are women not putting other women first when it comes to breastfeeding?

I presume like we all do and feed baby in the car and change nappy in the car

Exactly!

Why should men have to wait on the own outside.

Jesus fucking wept.

Because it's not about them?

Again two people have two opposing wants. You could easily say the other person should go and find somewhere else

It’s a feeding room, not a “chatting room”.

Would you really find a man who wanted to encroach into a space where women were potentially vulnerable to chat to his partner attractive? Some people set the bar so low don’t they.

Re: men's baby changing facilities: I was in a tiny restaurant loo the other day, single cubicle sort of thing, and they'd fitted a folding changing table horizontally over the top of the loo (bit higher up).

So it's perfectly possible to do this in men's cubicles, it's not a question of space. I'd guess there isn't sufficient demand from men

Are my DH and I the only ones who will just feed/ change them there if there's nowhere? Never had a cafe/ restaurant care tbh.

I could easily say I'm supporting them. Not the man.

You're telling breastfeeding women uncomfortable exposing their breast in front of a male stranger that their wants and rights aren't important.

But that a breastfeeding mum who fancies a chat with her man has the right to demand it.

Because it's about the baby... @InTheHeatofLisbon.

@JacquesHammer and as long as there is a child present being fed the rooms purpose is fulfilled