To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Baby change facilities tend to be out in the disabled toilet around here. The new big shopping centre is good. It has different rooms for breastfeeding, bottle feeding and baby change. As well as family toilet rooms.

In that situation, I wouldn't expect men in the breastfeeding room. But would in the baby change or bottle feeding rooms.

I think a lot of this has to do with what facilities are available and how they're labelled.

These rooms are parents rooms for feeding (breast or bottle) and for changing nappies, these rooms are not built for mothers to go in and breastfeed with the expectation that men won’t/can’t come in, men can be single parents aswell as women, they could be out without the mother, maybe they are just taking an active role in their child’s life, what would happen in these cases? Kick them out anyway because you say so?
As for the comment their should be 3 separate rooms (breastfeeding, bottle feeding and changing) you need to wise up, do you realise how much space in a business this would take up?
If you are that uncomfortable with something so normal then cover up because these spaces are for all sorts of needs babies have not your privet breastfeeding room.

@placemats what a stupid comment. No DH probably won't offer to buy a baby changing table in a random shop or restaurant. That's not him being cheap, that's like me expecting you to buy toilet roll for a shop or restaurant.
We went to test drive a car last week and in the show room they had a toilet for men with no changing facilities, just a line of urinals, 1 sink and 3 cubicles. The other toilet was ladies/changing/disabled. Had 1 toilet in and a sink and a changing station. It was me buying the car but I had to be the one who took DS to change him as DH was told off for trying to go in.
I asked what if DH was disabled as it's also a disabled toilet and their response was "well clearly he isn't".
So we didn't buy a car there.
This is not a unique situation. DH has written to our MP numerous times and written to shops or restaurants which only think women should be able to change children to complain. But you think he needs to put his hand in his pocket and buy them himself? Yeah okay, we'll just not eat next week so DH can prove he isn't a cheapskate.

@Isithometimeyet0987

Is that at me? I nurse in public and am often out with my husband. I was just saying, where a clear division has been made I could understand people expecting privacy. But that most places don't do that and it's all one room.

I wouldn't say it's misogyny.

Person A wants their partner there. Doesn't care about the others wants.

Person B wants a man free space and doesn't care about the others wants.

Everyone is out for their own wants.

Your hostility to other women us very telling isithonetimeyet. Lots of empathy for men there (poor men being kicked out), none for women (if you want privacy it’s your problem).
We don’t have to put men first all the time, you know. Try not doing it for a bit. It might open up all sorts of possibilities.

I'm always depressed when I'm out somewhere and I see there's no baby changing facilities in the men's (by the signs on the door, I don't go in!)

You'd have thought by 2019 things would be different

Agree men should agitate for more charging facilities in men's toilets, more family toilets etc..

Women had to agitate for our facilities and checked people also.

Men seem to be less willing to ask / push for this sort of thing though. They could and i reckon would get action fairly quickly tbh

Everyone is out for their own wants

Speak for yourself.

Times when my then husband was with me, I would not dream of him accompanying me to where women might reasonable expect privacy. Their rights in that situation absolutely trump outs to chat whilst I was feeding.

Disabled not checked

Well indeed fraggling. Look at the hordes shrieking at other women to accommodate them here.

As for the comment their should be 3 separate rooms (breastfeeding, bottle feeding and changing) you need to wise up, do you realise how much space in a business this would take up?

13ish years ago that was the norm around here in the “baby” stores. Two independents and two chain. All had that self same set up. A quick rudimentary google suggests they still have the same set up.

Isithome

Our local jl had a labelled breastfeeding room

Would you think it's a space for men?

@JacquesHammer but they don't have any right to the space.

Men folk changing shitty nappies is probably why John Lewis provided a curtain between the shitty nappy changers or any sex and the women with boobs out trying to feed their babies.

but they don't have any right to the space

Says you.

Who is saying that a man's right to be in a room where women a breastfeeding is more important than how those women feel.

Men must be accommodated despite reasonable expectation of privacy by breastfeeding women. Women have no right to expect privacy while their breast is exposed in case it offends a man or his "right on" partner.

(Caveat of disability being a different situation with its own legality)

That's what you're saying.

Those who think men should be allowed in breastfeeding rooms, what would you say to a friend with a hungry baby who felt uncomfortable feeding in front of strangers?

I guess she'd have to do what we've all probably done at some point and breastfeed while sitting on a public loo

but they don't have any right to the space

Actually I think they do. Mainly because I’m not a selfish twat who thinks my wants trump someone else’s needs.

And certainly In a “breastfeeding room” a woman can reasonable expect a right to the space.

Of any sex not or any sex

@InTheHeatofLisbon says the store....who own the room.

So many people erroneously conflate owning a penis with an absolute right to be anywhere they wish.

A penis isn’t a key.

Contraceptionismyfriend hiding behind policy is a bit pathetic tbh.

If you're going to insist that a woman with her breast exposed has no right to expect privacy and that what men want is more important, at least be honest about it ffs.

I'm sorry I know this is a serious topic but the penis = key idea has set my imagination off in some very amusing directions...

Totally agree with you Jacques

I don't think the man has more right. I'd assume the man will do what his partner tells him. So if she says to come in and keep her company he will. So two women have their wants in a room with no set rules.

Contraception that a strange comment.

They are private businesses and can do as they please.

If they want to provide a space for breastfeeding (such only 5 years ago should have been pretty much universally accepted as meaning no men) then that is their call.

Why on earth sounds people feel not just irritated with but actively wanting to remove these spaces where they do exist and/ or fill them with men is beyond me.

There's no special equipment needed for bf, not bottle warmers or changing mats. The point of them was privacy, and while total privacy is unrealistic, just being with other bf mothers is not.

The anragonism about the existence of these spaces is something i find surprising. It's not just questioning them, but wanting them shut, saying women who want to be away from men when bf should stay at home etc

The way that feminism is being used against us never ceases to amaze me. Yes women asked for equality, meaning being allowed to do certain jobs etc. Men said oho so i can watch you get undressed, you can never be away from us. And lots of women say yes, great. And any women or girls who don't like it have the option top opt out of society, return to the kitchen, effectively, not leave the house.

I'm not loving or tbh.

This is about a couple of chairs in a room with breastfeeding room on the door, or at least in my experience. So much hate. Women aren't allowed anything for their own?