To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

No respectful man would enter a room where a woman has deliberately chosen to breastfeed in private, rather than in public.

I didn't care where I fed but lots of women do.

Upthread we had 'shut up women, or the shops will get annoyed and take the room away altogether'

Most agree that a breastfeeding only space should be females only. To those that don't agree:

Breast feeding isn't the same as-

• going to the loo.
• getting changed for the pool.
• trying on clothes.
• having sex.

It's no good people attempting to rationalise their argument using any of the above for comparison. (And all four comparisons have been on this thread.)

It IS something which only women can do.
It IS an act which some women struggle to do easily and/or discretely.
It IS something which women have the right to do in public if they wish.
but It IS something which some women prefer to do in private.

The more women can feed comfortably, in public or a respected designated space, then the more chance there is that more women will breast feed and continue to breast feed.

What argument could there possibly be?

Seems to be rocket science to understand that these rooms are open to all

Do you understand what the word “some” means?

Some are, indeed, open to all although I would still question why a man would really need to be where a woman might be breastfeeding (caring responsibilities notwithstanding).

Some are breastfeeding only.

My dh managed precisely this situation when he looked after DS full time Sammi. Never any need for him to go into a feeding area. We lived rurally.
I think you’ll have to find better justification for your desperation to strip women of this privilege.

I like the fact that we live in a country where men and women can comfortably mix freely.

What is the name of this country that you live in? Is it actually on planet earth? NoIDont

I presume you are using the royal we. Don't include me in your misogynistic rant.

AS HAS BEEN SAID BEFORE: Not all women think that breast feeding is akin to giving a toddler a sandwich. Are you hard of comprehension skills? Do you understand religion and culture are protected under the Equality Act?

Men need to see women breastfeed and understand that it's normal and non sexual

Surely these men see their partners feed their kids at home?

• Men need to see women breastfeed and understand that it's normal and non sexual

They can do that at home, or in many coffee shops where women who are comfortable with BFing in public can often be found.

Maybe the dad needs to change their baby’s nappy, and there’s nowhere else available?

Majority of these rooms are not only feeding rooms, but changing rooms.

Actually now I think on, dh managed two kids in nappies full time after dd was born. Never any need to enter a feeding room.

All male toilets have nappy changing areas.

There are plenty of baby change facilities not part of feeding facilities sammi. Most in fact. But you keep trying. Why not turn your attention to our voting rights next? Yes, who do we think we are, choosing the next government? It might give us a government men don’t like!! Horrors!!!

The parent rooms I’ve been in mostly have 3 changing tables and a couple of sofas in the same room.

Men need to see women breastfeed and understand that it's normal and non sexual

First of all, anyone who sexualises breastfeeding is a creepy fucker.

Secondly, the key word you missed was consent. With the consent of the breastfeeding woman.

Which is being roundly ignored by the majority of "right on" posters on here. A woman's right to consent (or not) to a man seeing her breast exposed.

Disabilities, of course, are a different situation and protected by law.

Appropriating those rights because you want your man in with you isn't just distasteful, it's fucking disgusting.

A situation where a woman cannot be left, even for a few minutes, by her partner due to disability will be vanishingly rare and should dealt with appropriately at the time.

Telling women they have to share a space, while exposed, with your man because you want him there, is selfish in the extreme.

You're removing a woman's right to autonomy over her own body because it doesn't suit you.

Dress it up with whatever flowery language you like, but that's what you're doing.

All male toilets have nappy changing areas.

They should, but they often don't.

All male toilets have nappy changing areas
No they don't. I've heard many male friends have issues when out and about.

That's neither here nor there though. Men are welcome in feeding rooms, changing rooms, family rooms but aren't welcome in areas for breastfeeding.

When i was feeding the local john Lewis had designated breastfeeding area.

No men should not be in there.

BF in our culture can be stressful, as it's still a bit of a cultural.. not no-no but not usual.

Also how subtle you can be depends on your boob size and how often your baby pulls off.

I don't think it's unreasonable that a space for bf mothers excludes men, years ago men would have known this was not a place for them to be.

I see most disagree.

If men can come in then there's no point in having a bf area is there. And if some women can't deal with that then they can stay at home as some pps have suggested.

Feels men are weaponising 'equality'against us left right and centre tbh. Any gain were make is back 5 steps. Men in womens prisons, men in womens sports, men in womens changing rooms, men in places women want to bf in privacy. Women's toilets being changed to anyone at a rapid pace. And loads of women fully support this.

I don't really understand why but they do. Women who don't mind about privacy from men while bf have a million options yet want to remove this option (provided by a private company at their discretion) from women who do. Why? Because they see women who want or need this as weak, it seems.

Women often are emotionallg fragile after having a baby and rates of pnd etc are high. Telling women they must be strong and get on with it or stay at home are not showing much compassion i don't think. There used to be a thing about looking after people who aren't coping or whatever, now it's survival of the fittest and if you're not super cool with men in all the spaces that used to be free of them then don't go out.

Not keen but seems this is majority mn view which is sad but not surprising.

Well then men should put their hands in their pockets and get them in the men's toilets. They should write to the stores, MPs local council.

I see baby changing that is a separate room like the disabled loos or a baby changing symbol by the signs for the men's and women's loos these days.

I can't believe how many don't think that the bottle feeding area can have men but the breast feeding area should be women only?! Women who want to breastfeed with their partner there have the choice of breastfeeding in the bottle feeding area.

I have developed a couple of theories on this (while procrastinating my work).

Theory the 1st: some of the resistance against women-only spaces could be driven by a feeling of not wanting to view ourselves as ever being more vulnerable than men or needing special treatment. This goes together with a general scepticism of the need for feminism any more. I was a bit like this as a teenager so I get it.

Theory the 2nd: society has become more liberal over the last several decades, so there's a resistance to rules in general, coupled with wanting to encourage dads to take on a bigger role, and a general feeling of it's wrong to exclude anyone from anything.

Don't agree with this, Whats the difference between a man or a woman seeing you ? Does is make a difference for you if a woman is a lesbian?

I personally don't like feeding in public and use these rooms whilst also using a cover, because I don't like ANY stranger seeing my nipples not just random men.

For a woman who is really struggling with breastfeeding she might need the support of her partner, especially if s/he has been there and took in the advise of a breastfeeding consultant!

*So should a dad keep his baby in a shitty nappy then, if there’s nowhere suitable to change his baby, rather than using a feeding, changing area?

And no, there may not be anywhere else suitable*

We had children in nappies for 6 years.

Not once did their father require to enter a space with breastfeeding women present to change their nappies.

It’s not that breast-feeding mums just want to be surrounded by women. They want to be in an environment with only other breast-feeding mums. Because there is empathy and understanding there.

@placemats - I wish they did! But I'd say 90% of men's toilets in Cardiff do not have baby changing facilities.

'Whats the difference between a man or a woman seeing you ? Does is make a difference for you if a woman is a lesbian?'

You don't see the need for sex division anywhere then.

You works have teen schoolchildren change together for swimming, mixed hosp wards, etc etc.

Ok then you surely understand your views address very out of step with mainstream british culture though, so I'd have thought you would understand that others may feel differently.

If you want the partner there, you have the whole of the rest of the world available to you. You do not need to intrude on other women’s privacy.
Again this has been said many times. Do they not understand, or not want to understand? Why this resistance to this tiny part of the planet being reserved for women? What is driving these people?
Misogyny. Only answer which makes sense.