To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

It’s a place to feed and change your baby where other women are likely to be breastfeeding and may desire privacy. So, if you’re female, you’re fine to do those things there. If you’re male you’re not, and should make use of other facilities.
Like I said it isn’t hard. Unless you want it to be. If this small privilege for women makes you angry or uncomfortable reflect, because the one with the problem is you.

Fucking hell. The lack of empathy for women on here is astonishing.

There's really no point in arguing with stupid.

It doesn't make me angry. Anyone else?
I'm just saying that what people want normally doesn't matter if their not the ones funding it. The stores are doing it to promote themselves. So 9/10 they won't care.

If there are designated breast feeding rooms, then of course they should be for women only.

I wouldn't care to be honest
Oh well as long as you didn’t care..

It would depend on what rules to store set

IME the stores that had this had a feeding room and a breastfeeding room. Both adequately fitted with seating. The changing areas were separate.

Now explain why a man in those circumstances would need to be in the breastfeeding room.

Wilfully stupid, I think placemats.
Where has this come from? Even in the days they wouldn’t give us the vote they’d let us have fucking privacy to feed. It is misogyny, you are right.

Some bf mothers always want privacy.
Some bf mothers need privacy in the beginning then happily bf in public later.
Some bf mothers can bf in public from day one.

None of these mums are the reason why bf rates are low.

I would hazard a guess that money is a bigger factor than women not feeding in public to explain why bf rates are low. The NHS can't afford to support breastfeeding with help available 24/7. Midwives are overstretched and not able to sit with mum's while they try. Women are discharged quickly for financial reasons.

I don't think that every man is a perv but it's shocking how many people can't imagine why another woman would be more relaxed feeding in a single sex (female) space. I'm sure that your partners aren't pervs and great conversationalists but they can make themselves useful by entertaining the other kids, shopping while you feed etc

An area of the feeding room was curtained off and I think most would assume that it was a breastfeeding area which should be women only imo but my kids are teens and men weren't encroaching on women's areas 13 years ago and women weren't inviting men into them either. Dads need changing and feeding areas but breastfeeding mums who want to sit with their male partner should be in the bottled feeding area imo. Women shouldn't be made to feel bad for wanting privacy from males.

As Pp have said some women need their Male partners assistance due to disability. I'd say I'd side with them

And they could have easily had that set up in the feeding room, without the need for a man to be in a room that is set aside solely for breastfeeding.

Most stores do not specify feeding method because they generally don’t have to. If the man you live with isn’t capable of thinking “feeding room = possible breastfeeding = maybe not my place” then bluntly he shouldn’t be put in public, let alone given a baby to look after.

What an unpleasant and homophobic comment! Lesbians are not men in women’s clothing.

Women want private spaces with other female bodied people, it’s got fuck all to do with sexual orientation.

Exactly right, MORVEN.

Caring and empathy bypass much Contra

Women are the one's who spend the most money ergo it's in the best interest of stores to promote a safe and women only space for feeding.

No wonder sales in stores in July 2019 were the worst ever since records began.

www.ft.com/content/93ca283c-b772-11e9-8a88-aa6628ac896c

Quite frankly if John Lewis don't step up to the mark, I will take my patronage elsewhere.

@JacquesHammer I'm female with a male partner. Mothercare, John Lewis, our shopping centre and council office all call them feeding rooms, not breastfeeding rooms, so we both used them to feed our children.

Placemat - but where does it end?

What about females raised in cultures that advocate extreme separation of men & women, should they be entitled to have huge concessions made (female staff & segregated sections everywhere) on the grounds that they "need" to be away from men?

I like the fact that we live in a country where men and women can comfortably mix freely. I regard breastfeeding as akin to giving a toddler a sandwich. A newborn can take 30 mins to feed & need feeding every couple of hours, are you suggesting I have to constantly isolate myself from male relatives and friends when out and about?

Actually @JacquesHammer some posters have explained that their disability requires continues assistance. They can not be left by their partner at all.

I think this really depends. A feeding room is not the same as a breastfeeding room. And a feeding and changing room again is not the same. Dads do often go out with their children on their own or with their partners. I'd expect to see men in those spaces. A specifically designated breastfeeding room, no. But then some places try to move you from a comfy public space to a 'breastfeeding space' when I'm happily out having coffee with my DH. And that's a bit of a grey area.

The John Lewis by us has semi private individual cubicles. The one's which are most private are for breastfeeding. The others bottle feeding. On the other side there's a baby change.

Yes @placemats the recent financial crash is due to feeding rooms. Not a recession or Brexit

Women want private spaces with other female bodied people, it’s got fuck all to do with sexual orientation.

This.

some posters have explained that their disability requires continues assistance. They can not be left by their partner at all.

Then having their partner would qualify as a reasonable adjustment under the Equalities Act.

They wouldn't need the equalities act as nobody is barred from these spaces. They are freely open to all who frequent the store.

I understand some women may feel uncomfortable feeding in front of men but I would rather we challenged the issues behind that, than perpetuated this need to hide breastfeeding away among women. Men need to see women breastfeed and understand that it's normal and non sexual, a supportive partner is one of the single biggest factors which tends to be linked with bf success.

So should a dad keep his baby in a shitty nappy then, if there’s nowhere suitable to change his baby, rather than using a feeding, changing area?

And no, there may not be anywhere else suitable.

Actually @JacquesHammer some posters have explained that their disability requires continues assistance. They can not be left by their partner at all

And I was referring quite clearly to the places where there are other options. They don’t need to be left by their partner.

Rocket science it ain’t.

Seems to be rocket science to understand that these rooms are open to all.

Personally, I just sit down somewhere comfy with a coffee and nurse. But he's 11 months old now, I remember being a bit nervous and clumsy in the early days. But then I also went to places a lot with my DH who was an awesome help. As a newborn feeding tended to also coincide with a nappy change. So we'd work as a team. I'd sort input and DH output. So we would often be going in an out of spaces together.

Men need to see women breastfeed and understand that it's normal and non sexual

Do they

Why is it the women’s responsibility to manage the man’s feelings and knowledge?

All these women who can’t be separated from a man to feed a baby. That’s new too. If genuine. Which I suspect it probably isn’t.