To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

I feel that if you’re self conscious and prefer privacy, then it’s up to you the individual to ensure this.
Some people have campaigned about wanting to be able to breastfeed practically anywhere, coffee shops, parks, other public places. Some dads and men are also in full support of this. Some dads are more pro breast feeding than some women.
Dads can’t be expected to know if you’re self conscious or not.
I do completely understand feeling awkward though as firstly breast feeding can be stressful and tricky early stages and secondly, bf isn’t always kind to our breasts in terms of how they look and make us feel.
In mothercare it’s always filthy stinky and when I’ve been, there was no private area.
Guys can be more understanding than we give them credit for.
There’s another thread on here where a woman is bf in a ball pool. The guy looked away to give her privacy and she screamed st him ‘what are you looking at you c**t’

Some dads are more pro breast feeding than some women

I'd kind of hope all these pro-breast feeding dads would consider that some women might find their presence uncomfortable...

@Sadiesnakes

Remind me why you are here again?

Apparently so I can be told I have no place here from people like yourself. I know some people thrive on negativity and I choose not to surround myself with those people. Congratulations you win.

Well .... I think it’s a private area for breast feeding mothers .... why is that so shocking ?
My hubby wouldn’t want to come in the room ... he’d feel like he was imposing ... what is so difficult to understand ?

@Ozziewozzie

There’s another thread on here where a woman is bf in a ball pool. The guy looked away to give her privacy and she screamed st him ‘what are you looking at you c++t’

Probably not the best example for your argument, considering he told her she shouldn't be breastfeeding where she was..

they aren't all exclusively for breastfeeding people.

Men don’t breastfeed. The word you appear to have difficulty finding is WOMEN.

Some people will be comfortable with both genders there, and again with the word SEX.

I'd kind of hope all these pro-breast feeding dads would consider that some women might find their presence uncomfortable...
I think all dads are pro breastfeeding would get that.

The idea that some men can't (choose not to) understand this fact shows so much male entitlement.

As an aside, I wonder how many of them men who can't / won't accept that some women want privacy are as super hands on as a father in every other element of childcare, bathing, feeding etc or is it just when it comes to accessing breastfeeding spaces do they suddenly become all equality fighters.

Oh great some guys can be more understanding than we have given them credit for - amazing what hero’s they are 😇

Meanwhile some women have terribly cracked nipples, their babies struggle to latch on, milk dribbles from their boobs before feeding, they have to sit in awkward positions to feed and just would rather not have men about even if they do have their shiny I’m a caring human medal on

Why are women always having to justify what they feel is right for them

I think the whole notion of having curtains reinforces the silly idea that breastfeeding should be hidden.

It’s a “feeding room” with chairs to people to sit in however they are feeding their babies. This means bottle feeding dads may also need to use the room so they can sit down to feed their child.

If you want a completely private space to breastfeed your child then do it at home.

What a frustrating round and round thread in which so many posters deliberately miss the point that mothers can breastfeed in public but some are too uncomfortable to do so, either in the early stages before feeding is easy and established, or at all because of their beliefs/ religion/ history or whatever.

The what about lesbian mothers comments are the most ridiculous - a curtained breastfeeding space is for breadtfeeding mothers and their babies. The only extra people who should be in their are small children where there's nobody else to watch them who need to be with their mothers not unaccompanied in the shop for safety reasons. The sexuality of the breastfeeding mothers is irrelevant, there shouldn't be any non breastfeeding adults hanging out in their just to chat! Those who need to chat while breastfeeding can breastfeed publicly, anyone needing privacy can chat later!

You mean your grandmother's Western generation? Remember you've been wet nursing here because BF was seen as disgusting for years. Maybe 200 years or something.

Greeve. Try educating yourself before pontificating. Wet nurses were used only by the upper classes. The general populace, ie the vast majority, breastfed their own children.

If you want a completely private space to breastfeed your child then do it at home

Indeed, women with Babies and small children should never leave the house.

I think the whole notion of having curtains reinforces the silly idea that breastfeeding should be hidden.
No it doesn't say breastfeeding SHOULD be anything. It says that some women prefer a bit of privacy when feeding.

It's such a difficult concept on here in places to realise some women are confident in public and others may seek a private space.

Removing other women's safety net is not an agenda of empowerment however it is dressed up.

“an new and scared breastfeeder who needs their partner“

What about the new and scared breadtfeedwr who needs her privacy?

I think the whole notion of having curtains reinforces the silly idea that breastfeeding should be hidden

No it doesn't do that at all. It affords privacy to a WOMAN should she choose too, for whatever cultural or modesty reason. It is her choice.

I don't think unless you've had an awful breastfeeding experience, with horrendously engorged breasts, on antibiotics and in awful pain from mastitis, you can truly understand the need for space and privacy from men.

If you want a completely private space to breastfeed your child then do it at home.

If you want to chinwag with your D.P. while breastfeeding, do that at home.

@Tigerwhocamefortea

If you want a completely private space to breastfeed your child then do it at home.

No one is asking for a completely private space. Just a space for a woman to breastfeed outside the house that doesn't have men in it.

It seems the typical breastfeeding space is designed primarily to provide privacy for those women who want it.

IMO, that privacy trumps all other wishes and needs. Even the poster above who says that her disability means she is unable to breastfeed without her partner present to assist. Her circumstances would seem to be very unusual and it cannot be right that her need to have a male present, should force other users forego their right to privacy. Sometimes, in hard cases, one right has to prevail over another.

I'm not convinced by the argument that keeping certain spaces private for breastfeeding will slow down acceptance of public breastfeeding and induce some women to be uncomfortable feeding in public. We have a very long way to go in this regard.

If men are coming in to see their partners and baby I kind of think that’s fine too

Why would men need to come in to ‘see’ their partners and baby though? Presumably the majority of these men live with their partners and babies and see them every day. Can’t they just respect the space and leave them alone for the length of time it takes to feed the baby?

Why can't women have any places where they're going to be physically exposed without men coming into them?

Why should women have to stay home (charming, did you come from the 1940s?) to breastfeed rather than expecting men to wait outside a room designed for breastfeeding in privacy?

You have no idea why some of these women want privacy, and no right to dismiss their concerns at men they don't know sitting feet away while their breast is exposed.

As for involved Dads that's utter bullshit. DP is and always has been an involved Dad, he wouldn't even consider going into a breastfeeding room as it's a space for women to breastfeed privately.

Being allowed to access women only spaces is never and will never be a measure of how involved a Dad a man is and it's utterly ludicrous to suggest orherwise.

Unless, of course, you'd be happy to strip in a communal changing room for swimming with a dad and his daughter, no curtains?

Because that's being an involved Dad isn't it?

I bet you wouldn't.

@CitadelsofScience

I don't think unless you've had an awful breastfeeding experience, with horrendously engorged breasts, on antibiotics and in awful pain from mastitis, you can truly understand the need for space and privacy from men.

I am nearly 4 years into breastfeeding my ds. We've pretty much sailed through it from the minute he was born with no issues whatsoever, but don't discount my support - I still totally understand the need that some women have for space and privacy from men. Having an easy time and supporting those who haven't aren't mutually exclusive...

You’re unreasonable OP, don’t you understand by now that women are not entitled to privacy at the expense of men having tiny restrictions placed on them? Women don’t have the right to object to random men seeing their boobs, I mean how pathetic? They’re just boobs, not as if they’ve been ridiculously sexualised and that usually we’d be told to cover them up in public at all times and that it’s offensive and indecent to be in public without a top on. Why on earth do you think you’re entitled to any degree of respect, privacy or consideration? Did you mistake yourself for having a penis or something?

Sarcasm of course.

Remember you've been wet nursing here because BF was seen as disgusting for years. Maybe 200 years or something

The main driving force behind wet-nursing amongst the upper classes was the high rate of infant mortality and the need to be able to become pregnant again as soon as possible to provide further offspring.

@TheBigBallOfOil

Sorry, I dont understand your comment about me making babby feeding a a sex neutral activity.

It is a sex neutral activity surely? Breast feeding is only done by women but both men and women can bottle feed, so i dont understand your point?

"Women are not responsible for men feeling that breastfeeding is normal - they are able to do that themselves." This with bells on! EnthusiasmIsDisturbed

M0RVEN yes agree, we should all be able to sit by our partners on the loo!! Hilarious.