To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

That makes a huge difference to my level of comfort with their presence.

So long as your level of comfort is fine then to hell with the rest of the women in there, including the OP who has said that she is uncomfortable with it.

Women breast feeding in public has been a big thing with women wanting the freedom to do this which is great but you cant have it both ways and say a partner cant be present when a mum goes to a feeding room.
Women who want are entitled to the freedom to breast feed in public are possibly not the same women who would like the privacy of a feeding room.
The freedom to breastfeed in privacy when provided with the ability to do so should also be respected.

LadyRannaldini
Yet women claim the 'right' to breastfeed in a totally public place, eg restaurants. Double standards at work here.

Not if you actually apply a second's thought to it.

Women should have the right to breastfeed in public, but not be expected to. In out society there is an expectation that breasts are covered, as a general rule. Until that ceases to be the case, at least some women will, quite understandably, feel uncomfortable feeding in public.

ChocolateCroissants If it's male titilation/feeling uncomfortable that's the main concern how do you go on when you've got a same sex couple in there, they like boobs too! Do you ban the female partner not feeding because if men are in there enjoying staring at breasts surely the lesbian partner will do the same?

Lesbians do not commit the overwhelming majority of sexual assualts, nor do they harass women the way that men do. And being female/having breasts means they are far more likely to have direct experience of such harassment aiding their understanding, just like any other woman. Sadly female only spaces are needed at least until we can convince the overwhelming majority of men to be decent.

I used these rooms when my babies were newborn and I needed some privacy as hadn’t quite managed to feed discretely while holding them, as all my babies were over 10lb I couldn’t hold with one arm 🤣
I would have been mortified if a man was in there

Jesus wept Jux rude to leave the father to entertain himself for a short while whilst his infant is being fed? He's an adult that has created human life, he should be able to go off on a wander for an hour.

The rooms in John Lewis are not Breastfeeding rooms. They're feeding rooms. I have taken my baby in when they've been a pest/totally distracted when feeding and I used a bottle. Should I have been banned too?

DH also used to take baby in to bottle feed for the same reason. Sometimes even because gasp I wasn't with them. I'd have given short shrift to anyone who asked him to leave, why shouldn't he be there? It's not about men's or women's rights. It's about baby needs feeding, however, and kind shop provides a quiet space to do so - which it's under no obligation to do - so parent or carer cracks on and feeds them.

You have the right to breastfeed where ever you want to in public, as you should. You do not have the right to demand a private space or dictate who can enter the room when you're doing so. If you don't want to breastfeed because someone, man or woman, might see you then sadly that's your issue. Just get on with it

And yes I do know how hard it is. Both of mine were breastfed for the first six months. Many many times in public, without a fuss!

If it's male titilation/feeling uncomfortable that's the main concern how do you go on when you've got a same sex couple in there, they like boobs too!

Unbelievable. That woman in there supporting could be a friend, daughter, mother, aunt, grandmother, sister. Or a partner.

This is all about companies recognising that they need to give thought to and plan the space properly. It is clear from the variety of views on this thread that shops will benefit by giving up sufficient area to provide both a private feeding area for breastfeeding mothers (cubicles possibly) and a parents changing/feeding area.

Pressure should be applied - or just feedback given - to shops that haven't provided both spaces. And where shops/public services get it right then it should be applauded and publicised.

Shops respond to shoppers - they need the footfall. Offer the ideal environment for as many parents as possible and we go back.

Ours is a family room and includes a charging area and small toilets for toddlers. The seating area, although at a slight separate angle isn't separated. Men are often in there to change and feed the babies and toddlers they are out alone with so I've honestly never thought of it as an issue. It's not a female only space just somewhere comfortable to go and sit. I'd be equally happy feeding in the cafe but the comfy chairs and the changing facilities make the room the best choice

Just get on with it hmm

You sound nice.

Since it is highly unlikely that the mothers in question are leaving their babies to starve, presumably they do cope

Isn’t a little imagination a wonderful thing....

Quite a common theme amongst the ladies I helped with a BFC was the fact that they timed their feeds around being at home so they could guarantee the privacy they wanted and needed.

Now imagine they could guarantee that they could access a female only space for breastfeeding when out and about..:

I'd happily bf my ds in the middle of Trafalgar Square, so the privacy of a feeding room has never really been a requirement for me, I just need somewhere to sit. But YANBU OP. If its classed as a 'Feeding Room' though as opposed to a 'Breastfeeding Room', then obviously some men may need to bottle feed their child, so you can't expect the room to be for women only. Not really sure what purpose a man serves whilst a woman is breastfeeding though, so in a designated Breastfeeding room, I see no reason why a man should be in there.

And those who say 'well, if you want privacy, stay at home' - you're the idiots that contribute to anxiety that some women have about bfing in public

If it's male titilation/feeling uncomfortable that's the main concern how do you go on when you've got a same sex couple in there, they like boobs too!

What an unpleasant and homophobic comment! Lesbians are not men in women’s clothing.

Women want private spaces with other female bodied people, it’s got fuck all to do with sexual orientation.

If its classed as a 'Feeding Room' though as opposed to a 'Breastfeeding Room', then obviously some men may need to bottle feed their child, so you can't expect the room to be for women only. Not really sure what purpose a man serves whilst a woman is breastfeeding though, so in a designated Breastfeeding room, I see no reason why a man should be in there
Me neither.

I also asked DH because he is very pro active fatherhood, sharing care in his attitude and will be taking extended leave when baby is born etc. He said he couldn't think of anything more awkward and inappropriate than loitering in a breastfeeding room. He'd feel totally comfortable if it was a general feeding room if he was using the bottle station and feeding and another woman happened to be breastfeeding but he would never enter a breastfeeding room because it's weird.

If it's male titilation/feeling uncomfortable that's the main concern how do you go on when you've got a same sex couple in there, they like boobs too!

And out comes the lesphobic trump card. I’ve been to many gay bars/clubs throughout my youth and never had a woman ogling me or making me feel uncomfortable. Yet, I’ve had straight men leer over me and behave inappropriately, while in those same places. Whatever would Male apologists do if they didn’t have the good old ‘what about the lesbians’ trump card to pull out?

I think men with their partners should be allowed in. Think about societies with high levels on segregation- the men are WAY more pervy and stare a lot more than in societies where men and women mix freely. There is nothing sexual about breastfeeding and the more it’s normalised then the better.

@Sadiesnakes

Oh my, you seem to have taken offence where none was intended. I wasnt making a point, just trying to get some info about whether or not it was criminal to record someone breastfeeding in a public space. Given that upskirting is a topic for legal discuussion at the moment it isnt an unreasonable thing to ask.

As for your other comments about having an opinion never having breastfed and something I know nothing about are you suggesting that people cant have views on anything they dont have first hand experience of? Im quite sure you will have lots of opinions on things you havent experienced yourself.

I join these discussions so that Im as prepared as possible when the time comes for me to be feeding, im not brave and I have fears like anyone. Its a great shame some people cant be more welcoming. Im open to having my views challenged and always more than willing to change my mind on an issue. Disagreement is not the same as confrontation or judgement.

@LolaSmiles

Same with my DH. He's been very supportive but pretty sure he'd quite happily skip off to the nearest electrical shop to buy another gadget we don't need whilst I fed.

Think about societies with high levels on segregation
I’ve breastfed for years and the only time I’ve ever felt uncomfortable was in an area with lots of women covered head to toe and walking five steps behind the men, while the men stared in fascination and horror at me breastfeeding.

I don't see the problem with dads coming into these rooms, they're not there to look at your boobs! I have had an indigent when using a curtained off feeding room a random man came in looking for something and he obv wasn't a parent, think junkie, my oh had nipped out for a second after he had changed the toddlers bum while I fed the baby. but I would have felt so much safer with him there. I understand some women are uncomfortable feeding in public but dads eyes usually aren't prying

I don't see the problem with dads coming into these rooms, they're not there to look at your boobs! I have had an indigent when using a curtained off feeding room a random man came in looking for something and he obv wasn't a parent, think junkie, my oh had nipped out for a second after he had changed the toddlers bum while I fed the baby. but I would have felt so much safer with him there. I understand some women are uncomfortable feeding in public but dads eyes usually aren't prying

public but dads eyes usually aren't prying

I don't see the problem with dads coming into these rooms, they're not there to look at your boobs!

Plenty of not my Nigel's on here this morning. Between these and the man apologists this makes for a really frustrating read.

@bizzeebee

Exactly- separating men and women makes it much worse. It’s much better for breastfeeding to be treated as something normal, not some private act for when no men are around.

It’s much better for breastfeeding to be treated as something normal, not some private act for when no men are around

Something can be both private and normal. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

separating men and women makes it much worse. It’s much better for breastfeeding to be treated as something normal, not some private act for when no men are around.
Nobody is shoving women into cupboards to feed for fear of the men.
The designated breastfeeding spaces are there as an OPTION for women who wish to have more privacy.

Some women will use them, others won't. Most of us aren't so obtuse to get our heads around the fact that different people may have different breastfeeding feelings. It's up there with "I don't mind whipping my whole tit out, swinging it 5 times in each direction in the middle of Tesco as I do a motivational chant as part of my personal breastfeeding routine, so other women who might prefer a quiet sex specific space need to get over themselves". Such a silly argument.