To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

YANBU OP.

I say this even though I was happy to breastfeed in public. No one ever questioned it. I was not embarrassed by it. But I understand and have empathy for those who wish to feed in peace.

Some women will need a safe space to feed their child contentedly. That's a basic human need. Only females can breast feed.

If it's male titilation/feeling uncomfortable that's the main concern how do you go on when you've got a same sex couple in there, they like boobs too! Do you ban the female partner not feeding because if men are in there enjoying staring at breasts surely the lesbian partner will do the same? There'd be no difference would there? So a blanket ban on men wouldn't actually help.

Yeah breastfeeding isn’t that common in my town, I’ve never had the issue where someone’s been feeding at the same time as me but I know my partner probably wouldn’t be comfortable staying if someone else in there.

In an all female room I might feel less of a need to be friggin "discreet" and could put the baby's needs first the way I could at home. I could stick some lansinoh on or use a shield or maybe even express. Not doing that stuff in front of a man though.

And I'm a few years older than you and had my first DC 15 years ago. Even then there were plenty of BF rooms but they've disappeared and by the time I finished BF my youngest 5 years ago they'd all but disappeared under the banner of inclusivity and men's feelings being more important.

Where did you live that you could find plenty of BF rooms 15 years ago? I live in London, was out and about quite a bit when my children were babies, and never found these rooms.

Oh lord stupid has really arrived on this thread this morning

I’m confused actually. Mums want the freedom to breastfeed in public, without anyone judging but at the same time you don’t want random men seeing you... ??
I can see why people can get annoyed with the constant pressure of what’s acceptable and what’s not around breastfeeding.

@ChocolateCroissants yes I think only the person feeding their child should be in the room. It's a breastfeeding section, not a linger-while-your-partner-breastfeeds section.

It's nothing to do with the sexualisation of boobs. I'm not a confident person and don't want to get my boobs out in front of strangers, full stop!

MrsKittyFane ok, so some pubs might have been men only, seems to have died out in the '70s. Can't say I've ever had difficulty finding a pub to drink in, but I've never lived in Ireland or Scotland.

They don't want random men seeing them in what is meant to be a private space. Big difference.

I think YABU what if your a single dad or a gay family with a baby and you cant feed your child in a secure place? Me and my DH went into one at a shopping centre recently to change DD and there were other dads in there too. Was brilliant though it had feeding chairs behind curtains so everyone had privacy and wishes could be respected x

Single dads and gay male couples can't breast feed

Banana SOME women want the freedom of public ally breastfeeding but not ALL women.

If women were ok with random men seeing their breasts while feeding they’d sit elsewhere and not in a specific area designed for them.

Agree with NoSauce .

My dh wouldn't have dreamed of coming into a breastfeeding room with another woman there. How rude and pushy .

Bananacloud why are you confused?
Breastfeeding mothers don't all feel the same way. Why would they?

Yet women claim the 'right' to breastfeed in a totally public place, eg restaurants. Double standards at work here.

@LadyRannaldini see my comment to Banana above, same applies to your comment.

Yet women claim the 'right' to breastfeed in a totally public place, eg restaurants.
Double standards at work here.
Hardly. I agree with others who've said that stupid has arrived on this thread.

Women have the right to feed their babies as they need to wherever without being harassed, subject to digs, told to put a sheet over them and baby, and so on.

Where there is a space offering privacy to women who wish to have more privacy for whatever reason then it's reasonable that space is for breastfeeding women.

It's not rocket science.

Is there not a distinction though between random stranger members of the public men, and partners of a breastfeeding mother men? Obviously the first is unacceptable in a breastfeeding space, but personally I don't see much issue with the latter. They may be male but are a parent supporting and pro-breastfeeding. That makes a huge difference to my level of comfort with their presence.

yabnu

Of course these spaces should not have men wondering in and out

Some women really struggle with bf, some won’t feed in public because they want to protect their modesty and they feel they need that private space

That woman also want to be able to feed anywhere and everywhere is irrelevant

Or are we simply asking too much that our wishes are respected 🙄

Banana Are you lacking in empathy?

Some women wish to breastfeed in quiet and solitude. Some women are happy to feed in public but understand that not all breastfeeding women can do this. Basic human understanding.

They’re random strangers to the woman that doesn’t know him. Whether he’s with a breastfeeding partner or not doesn’t really matter to the woman feeling self conscious, embarrassed or just wanting to feed in private away from men she doesn’t know.

DH wouldn’t have wanted to come in when he knew there was women breastfeeding, he’s not unfeeling or stupid.

Snap. All these women claiming their husband wants to come in with them, but of course he has no interest in other women's breasts, you are only fooling yourselves. Any man that wants to go into a breastfeeding space I would instantly regard as a pervy creep - otherwise, why wouldn't he respect the other women's privacy?

Conversely, if you're out with someone, isn't it a bit rude to leave them hanging about waiting for you for what can be quite a long time?