To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

But if it’s ‘not sexual’ then why would you have a problem with a man being there?

Getting changed into a swimming costume or having a smear test aren’t sexual either, but I’d still rather other people’s partners weren’t popping into the room for a chat.

I breastfeed in public all the time and I’d never use a private feeding space. I can still understand that some women would prefer that, especially during the early days of getting used to breastfeeding.

Pubs have never been mens spaces
Of course they have!

www.rte.ie/archives/category/lifestyle/2015/0305/684537-pat-gleesons-men-only-pub/

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.scotsman.com/lifestyle-2-15039/the-women-who-stormed-a-men-only-pub-in-1973-1-4795660/amp

@BeardyButton

A man video'd me using his phone

Would that be considered a criminal offence?

My DH has to use a feeding area to bottle feed our LO as there was physically nowhere else to go. If men are coming in to see their partners and baby I kind of think that’s fine too, although I would always have expected my DH to not come in

YABU, I always thought these rooms were feeding rooms not breastfeeding rooms. Two of my children would only feed in quiet spaces as tiny babies, they were bottle fed. I would have expected that my husband could have used the feeding room to give them their bottle when he took them out on his own.

Getting changed into a swimming costume or having a smear test aren’t sexual either, but I’d still rather other people’s partners weren’t popping into the room for a chat.

Never had a smear test with anyone other than the health practitioner there - is that unusual? Same for changing rooms at the leisure centre....

Female space, men out.

Bottlefeeding can be done anywhere so that's not an argument

It’s not a breastfeeding room, it’s a feeding room and often has bottle and food warmers inside too. It’s designed to be unisex which is why the breastfeeding pods are seperated by curtains from the rest of the space: if you don’t like it then don’t use it.

Bottlefeeding can be done anywhere so that's not an argument

@fotheringhay what if it is also the space for nappy changing? Can that be done anywhere?

NicciLovesSundays
Fathers aren't excluded from feeding areas or parent rooms.
They just shouldn't be in breastfeeding areas, be it a separate breastfeeding room or a curtained off area for privacy for nursing mothers.

I agree fathers shouldn't be excluded from parenting and we have a way to go on that (baby change only in the women's toilets for example), but there is simply no need for a man to be in a breastfeeding area.

General parent/feeding room - open to any parents
Breastfeeding area / breastfeeding room - women only

@BeardyButton

A man video'd me using his phone

Would that be considered a criminal offence

Your point? @NicciLovesSundays?

You haven't even had the experience of breastfeeding yet to come on here so opinionated in something you know nothing about.

Wait until you have sleazy men taking videos or staring at you whilst you breastfeed your dc. See how brave you are then.

what if it is also the space for nappy changing? Can that be done anywhere?

It's not. It's a curtained off space with chairs for breastfeeding.

Previous comment not directed @BeardyButton.

Mn bold acting up on app.

I'm committing the sin of not reading whole thread, and I'm sure it's been mentioned, but it's like the "partners in hospital" issue: some women want their partner with them every single second, some would like a bit of company, and some appreciate that sometimes it's good and decent to think of other people's comfort instead of being "me first" the whole time.

If I were bfing in a cordoned-off area, I would feel a bit invaded if a couple/family group came in. Not because of an ogling man, but the fact that it doesn't take two to breastfeed. Why on earth can't a man wander round the clothes/tech in John Lewis for a while?

Not read the full thread but I find it disgusting that in this day and age anyone would think men shouldn’t be allowed in a feeding/changing area. We fought hard to have the rights we do, why should we then be better tended to than men. Single male parents or males out with their kids shouldn’t feel like they have to change their LO on the floor of the gents bathroom. Let them in the changing room and get a grip. Everyone knows your there for feeding, as long as their not sat with their eyes hanging out staring at your breasts your really being discriminatory

Do you even know what this thread is about?🤔

No one has once suggested a single father change his dc on a bathroom floor?
Ridiculous comment..

These rooms are public rooms. They are not specifically for female use. I’m pretty sure most are called ‘parent rooms’ and they’re for both bottle and breast feeding. There’s usually a bottle warmer in there. What if a man wants to feed the baby? It’s never crossed my mind that one of a baby’s parents shouldn’t be there just because they’re male. A man wanting to see his baby and wife is unlikely to pose any threat. If you’re so uncomfortable feeding then I suggest you do it at home and not in a space that is for the public
If the space is a designated female only space then fair enough - but I’ve never seen one!

Why have I never experienced one of these rooms anywhere? Where do they exist other than John Lewis?

I'm confident feeding in public and my husband has 100% enabled me to do this. The first time I fed in public he reassured me no end and reminded me most people around don't care as they are getting on with their own lives. In a feeding room I wouldn't mind males, they are obviously there with a baby of their own and are not judging. I would only use the room for somewhere to sit without having to buy food/drink which I find so annoying when my baby needs feeding.

I go to a breastfeeding group and the same woman takes her husband every week and although I personally don't mind feeding in front of him (sometimes for support and help with latch etc) I'm sure some people do and I just find it odd.

I don't think YABU AT ALL. I love breastfeeding my baby but don't have the confidence to do so in public so these rooms are perfect for me. I wouldn't be able to BF if there was a man in the room.

Not read the full thread but I find it disgusting that in this day and age anyone would think men shouldn’t be allowed in a feeding/changing area.
Totally missed the point here.

Nobody is saying no men in general feeding rooms.
Nobody is saying no men in changing areas.
People are saying there is no need for any man to be in an area dedicated for breastfeeding. There just isn't.

Please explain to me how a man is losing out by not having access to an area for women nursing their babies from their womanlyboobs. How is a man losing our by not being welcome in a space for breastfeeding?

I would ask the man to leave but then i wouldn't use a feeding because I would feed my kids anywhere

A man bottle-feeding can do it in the quiet outside area rather than the separate breastfeeding area. If there is only one area with chairs then IMO of course a man on his own with the baby can use it; privacy should be respected where possible but babies need to be fed and everyone has to work with the facilities available. That's in no way the same as a DH coming in chatting with his wife, taking up seats and distracting babies who are there to feed rather than rubberneck at any opportunity.

Also how often does one happen to be in John Lewis feeding a baby? Presumably an involved dad can be as involved as he likes at home. Surely when out in public occasionally in a quiet area with other women a father can loitre elsewhere?

From the OP: “The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain”

Worry not, men aren’t being forced to change their babies on the floor of the gents by mean breastfeeders

In Newcastle we have a JL and a Fenwick's opposite each other, both have feeding spaces. Fenwick's was always my go to as it has around 5 private cubicles with nursing chairs and a communal space and a changing space. I liked privacy at the beginning because it's a very odd thing to get used to. I also used a shield and so needed to be able to pop it on which got much easier with practice.
The JL feeding space was a row of chairs behind a curtain on fold away chairs. Was rubbish! Hard to get comfortable. I wanted DH with me because he is lovely and was so supportive. I appreciate that in the very beginning, it was unreasonable of me to want him with me all the time, tbh, I was dealing with my own issues, premature baby, over production of milk, nerves, poor MH, I'll admit I didn't consider the needs of other people. But it didn't take long for me to become confident and be able to feed in public or without DH. Only then did I really consider how is made others feel by dragging him in with me.

So I'd like to apologise now to any mother who felt uncomfortable with DH. Because I know him, I know he's good, but I appreciate to others he is just a man.
I think it's really sad that we live in a world where every man is a potential threat and is treated as such until the prove otherwise.