To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

You cant object to them being in a unisex space. They have as much entitlement to use tgat space as anyone else

It's a space designed to give women privacy when feeding. Only Breastfeeding women need privacy but as a courtesy some of the spaces were opened up to women bottle feeding. This wasn't an issue.

But then men wanted to get in on the act and you have a conflict of interests: women who wanted privacy to BF and men who didn't want to feel excluded. Who wins? In my view women should. But exclusiveness means that they don't.

Men - especially ones that aren't actively involved in feeding- shouldn't be in the private screened off areas. And I understand I cannot object cos god knows the MRAs wouldn't allow that. But yes, I'll continue to judge a man who thinks taking up a woman's space is acceptable.

It shows a total lack of consideration for those around them.

@Greeve apart from pushing your misogynistic views on us all here today, some of your comments are bordering on racism.
I think your fun should be over now.

I understand that clubbing together and trying to exclude and dominate people who don't look like you is a bit of a cultural pastime for many in here, but it just highlights the toxic environment this place can be.

You have no clue what any of us look like, silly person.

If it's that toxic why not fuck off from this place never to return.

Because BF was seen as disgusting for years
Try telling my mother, my MIL and my grandmothers that...

Men - especially ones that aren't actively involved in feeding- shouldn't be in the private screened off areas.

This. I can't believe some of the selfishness displayed on this thread (eg @HoppingPavlova). If you want to have a chat with your DH then at least have him stand on the other or better yet go to a cafe with him.

I should add I don't have a problem with BFing in public in front of men, but I know not everyone is like that and I respect that.

Also Greeve, as someone from the furthest north western reaches of Europe, "white" is not actually an effective insult, or an insult at all for that matter. Are you American? Your use of "doula" suggests you might be.

Women's spaces are getting fewer and fewer we need to preserve the few we have left

Im 36, soon to be a first time mum. Im struggling to think of any womens spaces that existed in the past that dont anymore. Can anyone enlighten me?

Does the same logic apply to pubs being 'mens spaces'?

I don't know about this one. On the one hand, I wouldn't encourage my DH to come into such a space because I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, on the other hand, I'm not sure cordoning off spaces and banning men does much for us normalising breastfeeding and fighting against those who think we should be hidden in restaurants/on planes.

I have a friend who is a single parent father. The number of spaces and services he and his children were excluded from is ridiculous. His babies needed a quiet space to feed in as much as anyone elses.

This is an awful thread, really depressing that some women still don't get it.

Greeve I'm assuming you're a man, no woman I know would say tits when talking about their breasts.

OvO I have a disability but I would never assume that my right to have a man helping me breastfeed trumps the needs of other women. Does your dh never leave you alone in case the baby needs to be fed?

And as for this
My husband comes in with me not because I need him there but I like him there. We never got our daughter on bottles (long story) so she is ebf. I don't want him to miss out on spending time with her/us and she enjoys him being around. He's not looking at anyone else's boobs, they've lost all sexual meaning at the moment for him

I'm not sure how to even address this level of entitled thinking.

These posts always end in the OP being attacked.

If people felt comfortable feeding in public they wouldn’t go into a separate bloody room. Of course their need for privacy should be respected and men stay out.

Begs the question why all the people in favour of men waltzing in don’t try clothes on on the shop floor? As opposed to the changing rooms!

Yes we need to normalise feeding, but lets also give the women the support and confidence to feed in public, which often starts with laying the foundations in private!!

I feed my 5 month old everywhere and anywhere but I didn’t start out like that! Small steps.

His babies needed a quiet space to feed in as much as anyone else's
But he didn't need as much privacy as some breastfeeding mothers require though.
Does the same logic apply to pubs being 'men's spaces'
Pubs have never been mens spaces , though some old style pubs had specific bars that were men only. Can't remember what they were called now .
Women's only spaces really cover situations which involve undressing, bodily functions, etc, so breastfeeding rooms would come into that category, as covered in the equalities act.

Pubs have never been mens spaces
Talk to my parents, they would disagree.

I had actually never considered that my husband shouldn't be in these rooms.

Maybe it's because I personally have no worries about breastfeeding anywhere / in front of anyone. When I've used these rooms it's when baby has been in that fussy phase when any distraction means constant pulling off & looking around etc, the quiet space made feeding more efficient.

In reality though, he doesn't need to be there. And if there's a small chance his presence makes another woman uncomfortable, I won't be bringing him in with me in future.

Hoppingpavlova 'Why would someone else’s hang up’s trump someone else’s right to sanity/food/company?'

Can you seriously not see what is wrong with this question?

Selfishness abounds throughout your whole post.

And my parents would disagree with YOUR parents.

FIGHT! 🍻

I fed everywhere. Once and only once did i have a bad experience. A man video'd me using his phone. I was a bit suspicious at first... But after a while was certain. He did it for about a minute and didnt seem to mind me glaring at him and trying to turn away. To be honest, for a little while after it freaked me out. Then i shrugged my shoulders and got back to feeding in public. Some women may have been put off by this and stopped. There are some weirdos out there unfortunately. There should be a space for women to feel completely safe to bf their babies. So, im with you.

Nicci are your parents publicans?
I've been going into pubs fir 45 years now, and I believe women of my mums generation used to drink in pubs as well. Theres plenty of evidence of women drinking in pubs for hundreds of years.

But if it’s ‘not sexual’ then why would you have a problem with a man being there?
Do private feeding rooms with no men allowed not undermine the message that women have been campaigning for for decades? That breastfeeding is nothing to be ashamed of

@feelingverylazytoday No they arent. Perhaps its a very localised thing.

Here is Billy Connolly talking about the same thing -

That breastfeeding is nothing to be ashamed of

Not being ashamed and wanting privacy are not mutually exclusive.

I'm not ashamed of having sex but I wouldn't do it intSainsbury's

This is why feeding rooms should be separate from breastfeeding rooms.

I haven't read the full thread but when I breast fed for the short time I managed I needed to use a nipple shield as nipples would go flat. I never felt comfortable breastfeeding outside as I had to prepare that before getting baby to breast so no I'd not be happy with random men in the room as well. I never managed to keep breastfeeding as this was one of the reasons. I couldn't just do it discretely and quickly. This is also one of the areas no one ever mentions about the struggles of breastfeeding and I was so embarrassed by it.