To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

My apologies OvO, you write in a very similar manner to her. Would you wait if a woman was already feeding in the room and explained that they weren’t comfortable with a man entering? Or would you expect her to ignore her own discomfort, religious objections or even distress? If it is a case of needing your husband to help you and feeling that she has no right to object, would you feed in the cafe or wait? I’m not telling you that’s what you should do, just asking.

Decomposing, the logic isn’t hard to understand, except for those determined not to do so. Feeding babies may be done by bottle, or may be by breast - the latter being historically the norm and today encouraged for all mothers. Therefore the sensible presumption is in a feeding room, however designated, there may be breast feeding mothers.
I know the answer to this, but others might benefit from an explanation of why you are so determined to make baby feeding a sex neutral activity. It looks a little odd, to say the least.

Greeve what’s this utopian culture of which you speak?

Because men sexualising women isn’t a culture thing, it’s a man thing.

I think the 1st thing that needs addressing is why you need your tits hanging out.

The reason for privacy would either be because it is sexual or disgusting
No that isn’t true. Some women prefer to keep their privates private. Are you really suggesting that a lady who wears a burka should whip her tit out in front of strange men when she doesn’t even show them her face?

I actually think that any decent man would ask a member of staff or other female to check if there are any women in the feeding room and if they’re ok with him being there. Even if it isn’t a specific breastfeeding room. Only an entitled ignoramus would go straight into one, simply because he has a right to be there.

That’s great - but you accept for some women it might bother them?

There's a major question mark around how much we cater to what might bother some people. In these debates, we're constantly hearing about people who are bothered by seeing breastfeeding mothers. Should we therefore say that shops should set aside areas where they won't be distressed by this dreadful sight?

There are many towns and high streets where there are no shops or restaurants offering exclusive breastfeeding rooms, but somehow breastfeeding mothers cope. Big shops only offer feeding rooms because they perceive it as worthwhile commercially, presumably because it means that parents will spend longer in their shops rather than hurrying home to feed. There is no automatic entitlement to a women-only space for this purpose, and we are not losing anything if shops don't choose to provide them.

@feelingverylazytoday not sure where you live, but absolutely not the case here where the men have the right to be at the birth. You choose your birthing partner (who can be anyone) and prohibit the man entering which will be backed up by the staff.

Also, this idea that breastfeeding has only recently become a "sexualised" thing we need to do in private is nonsense. My grandmother's generation breastfed and it was common to find a quiet private place to sit. Not just for the mother but for the baby - some babies are fussy and easily distracted.

Okay, I don't really mean it! I think people need to get over the fact that some people have very different views than they do and sharing them doesn't mean they are being a troll or whatever. I can understand that you've been taught to try and shut down dissent in that way by questioning the civility of people who live and think differently from you (colonisation for example), but that's not how decent people live their lives.

If you want to oppose or challenge my views, go ahead, but trying to shut me down by questioning my motivations in this way is not only immature, but it becomes a form of harassment. I understand that clubbing together and trying to exclude and dominate people who don't look like you is a bit of a cultural pastime for many in here, but it just highlights the toxic environment this place can be.

If you were bottle feeding why would you choose to sit 3ft from a nappy bin to feed your baby?
Truthfully I’d rather bf on a park bench than in a shit stinking communal baby room. You have to be pretty serious about needing privacy to feed in such a space.

I think the first thing that needs addressing is why you need your tits hanging out
No I think the first thing that needs addressing is why you think you have the right to dictate how other women should feel about their own bodies and personal boundaries.

I used those spaces when I was bf. if we were out together my partner would come to make sure I was comfy and had everything I needed ie a drink and then go off for a while, popping back to see if I was finished now and then. I had no problem with men in there to feed a baby or help their partner. I was a fairly confident to feed in public areas though, in general - especially by the time I had my fourth!

Actually, it's women in burkas who would have least need for rooms of this type.

Women in burkhas often feed their babies in public and you wouldn't even know because they don't make the huge fuss that your average Western woman makes about BF.

Not sure you can have it both ways.

It isn't although that false premise is regularly used to shut women up. Women should be able to feed in public, they should not be obliged to.

The situation in the OP isn't a demand for men to stay out of the feeding/changing room its an expectation that the curtained off private area of that room remains private.

If you don't care about privacy you don't have to use it. If you do use it then don't expect to take men in there.

@pachyderm

You mean your grandmother's Western generation? Remember you've been wet nursing here because BF was seen as disgusting for years. Maybe 200 years or something.

YANBU. I’m not remotely bothered about public breastfeeding but I know many women don’t feel that way. They should be entitled to some personal space to feed away from men.

Sandybval oh I understand that. It's just a view I've seen expressed, and also the fact that some women (and some men too) might feel a bit pressurised into doing something they don't feel comfortable with. I think there's a fine line between normalising something, and making it feel as if it's expected of you.

Agree about Greeve being a pointless GF. Yes, we uppity western women have so much to learn with our feminism and insecurity about breastfeeding and must bow to all those far superior other ways of life for women that are on offer

Your feminism isn't even consistent. And yeah, when it comes to BF, you Western women do need to look at cultures who successfully BF and learn from them. You can't do it yourselves. Obviously.

Should we therefore say that shops should set aside areas where they won't be distressed by this dreadful sight?

Being obtuse isn’t a valid debating tool.

but somehow breastfeeding mothers cope

Some breastfeeding mothers cope. Others don’t.

Arf at Western 😂😂