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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 yr old DD still has a dummy

475 replies

Pyromare98 · 05/08/2019 14:45

More of a WWYD I suppose. Name change for this as I'm v.embarrassed. I must concede that my 6 year old DD still has a dummy at bedtime. I know what you must be thinking, but she is only allowed it strictly to go to sleep, it helps her wind down right before bed. She is very aware that she is far too old for it, and would be mortified if anyone found out about it, (only me, DH, her brother, and her grandparents know that she still has one.) We have tried many times to get her to give it up but it's always a massive struggle, we've had visits for the dummy fairy, and santa to take them away, we've read books about giving it up, and once we even 'forgot' it when we came back from holiday. But everytime she just gets so upset.

We saw on the one show the other night, this woman that helps children give up the dummy in five days. We watched it together and she saw children, much younger than her, give up there dummies with very little fuss. We discussed this with her, and she said that she wanted to go to bed without a dummy, starting on Sunday, (last night.) She was very excited for this, until she got into bed. She then started to sob, saying she missed her dummy, begging us to let her have it. She eventually fell asleep after 3 hours of crying, I even heard her in the night, softly sobbing. It was heartbreaking. This morning I told her how well she had done, but she just asked if she could have a dummy tonight.

DH and I are conflicted, on one hand she's way too old for it, on the other, what's the harm? It hasn't effected her teeth, as the dentist has assured me, and her speech is fantastic. One second she wants to be a big girl and give it up, which we are here to help and support her for, the next minute she just wants her dummy.
I feel so evil for not letting her have it, should I just give her the dummy?
Help.

OP posts:
castlecutie · 05/08/2019 19:08

you managed one night and she eventually fell asleep. do the same tonight. cold turkey is best.

Sceptre86 · 05/08/2019 19:13

Does she really need another comforter at 6? Just asking as my kids are little and so not something I have come across yet. My ds gave up his dummy at 18 months, the dummy police took it however we found one recently and it went straight in his mouth. He then cried and had a full on tantrum when I told him he was too big for it. It lasted a while but he has not asked for it since. Of course it is heartbreaking to her your dd crying her heart out but in the long run you are doing her a favour so I would persist x

Lizzielocket · 05/08/2019 19:15

Let her have her dummy, it’s obviously a huge comfort to her, she knows she is too old for it and will give it up when she’s ready to. I bet it won’t be long.
My DD was still sucking on a bottle at 4, I used to pick her up from school with 8 oz of Ribena in it, she used to slink down in her car seat so nobody could see her drinking from a bottle. She knew she was too old for it but it was her comfort. She gave it up long before she turned 5. All her teeth are intact and there was no need for braces.

justgotbanned · 05/08/2019 19:20

I once went camping with a friend of mine who had 3 daughters, the youngest of which was a year older than my youngest so mine was 5, she was 6. When it came to bedtime, friends daughter was whispering to her mum. I soon found out she was discreetly asking for her dummy. My daughter being the nosey Parker that she is, heard all of this, and was straight onto my friends daughter, staring to tease her before I sternly told her off. But, that slight teasing and seeing a younger child go to sleep without a dummy actually worked wonders. She was so embarrassed that she handed it back to her mum, and it was never used again.

Whilst I don't condone teasing or embarrassing, maybe seeing another child who she knows well without one might do her good? Perhaps have a sleep over?

Scabetty · 05/08/2019 19:21

I would bin it now and ask her what big girl cuddly toy/cushion/blanket she would like now as a replacement.

GenevaMaybe · 05/08/2019 19:24

Ribena in a bottle after school?!!! Shock

Aprillygirl · 05/08/2019 19:27

Nobody likes to see their child upset but honestly OP you will be doing your DD no favours if you cave in now. Bin it now, so you're not tempted to. She will thank you for it one day.

Malvinaa81 · 05/08/2019 19:28

YABU for letting this absurd situation carry on so long.

Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 19:29

Time for some tough love - she will literally never give it up if she's only ever going a night at a time without it. Bin every single one and in a week she will be used to sleeping without it.

SinkGirl · 05/08/2019 19:33

Could you try this?
www.yourmodernfamily.com/pacifier/

SinkGirl · 05/08/2019 19:34

(Sorry - that’s taking the dummy to build a bear and putting it inside the bear she makes so she still has it, but can’t get to it)

percheron67 · 05/08/2019 19:34

I am at a loss as to why anyone ever gives a dummy to a baby??!! I saw a tiny little mite, only days old with one last week. When my baby cried I did what was necessary at the time, cuddled her and then put her down. Why on earth do some mothers take the easy way out and plonk a dummy in the little one's mouth.

Lilyannarose · 05/08/2019 19:35

My daughter was the same age.
My other three never took to one thankfully.
I know it's a struggle.
I tried absolutely everything.
In the end I just stopped mentioning it as it was making her more upset and dependent on when I was talking about dummy fairies.
No reward I offered could replace her dummy!
In the end it just clicked with her one day and she suddenly gave it up.
She did end up with a dental overbite and braces.

Oysterbabe · 05/08/2019 19:36

I am at a loss as to why anyone ever gives a dummy to a baby??!! I saw a tiny little mite, only days old with one last week. When my baby cried I did what was necessary at the time, cuddled her and then put her down. Why on earth do some mothers take the easy way out and plonk a dummy in the little one's mouth.

Because she was preterm and tube fed and it helped retain her suck reflex.

flubberyseal · 05/08/2019 19:37

My adopted dd was born withdrawing from drugs and alcohol. She became quickly attached to her dummy and it offered her great comfort. She gave it up eventually at 6 when we had visited the dentist and he said it was beginning to affect her teeth. My dd found it really difficult to part with her dummy, but having the dentist explain to her about the problems that having a dummy could cause, really helped her. The weird thing was about a year later we found an old dummy of hers in our camper. I really thought that she would have lost her sucking reflex but she put it in her mouth and it was just as if it had never been taken away from her! However, She wasn’t tempted to start up again.

If you are keen for her to give it up imminently I would ask your dentist to have a quick kind word with her and just explain that it is better for her teeth if she gives up her dummy quicker. This definitely helped my daughter. Otherwise, I would just relax about it and be guided by her. Mind you perhaps I am not the best person to ask, as my 3 1/2-year-old still has a bottle before bed!

SinkGirl · 05/08/2019 19:38

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Oysterbabe · 05/08/2019 19:40

If I'd have had DS first I might have wondered why people give dummies too, he never needed one and was usually content. My DD would scream if she wasn't sucking and sometimes you need to sleep. Being born her early her guts were immature and I think she was very uncomfortable, sucking helped a bit.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/08/2019 19:40

I am at a loss as to why anyone ever gives a dummy to a baby??!! I saw a tiny little mite, only days old with one last week. When my baby cried I did what was necessary at the time, cuddled her and then put her down. Why on earth do some mothers take the easy way out and plonk a dummy in the little one's mouth

Because I wanted to 🖕

staydazzling · 05/08/2019 19:42

for the dummy nay sayers on here, my grandma in her 80s who raised 3 children in the 60s always said to me , get a dummy or be the dummy,it was a lifesaver for me whilst breastfeeding.

NavyBlueHue · 05/08/2019 19:42

3 nights and she’ll be over this. It’s a hard habit to break but you’ve done the hard part and to back down now would mean she suffered for no good reason.

Give her an item of clothing that smells like you instead. Just to sniff and feel reassured.

Pepperstripe · 05/08/2019 19:43

Everyone is so harsh and judgemental. I had a dummy until I was about 7 (I think) - I gave it up by myself. I think you should let her make that decision...she will stop when she wants to have sleepovers etc...

Pepperstripe · 05/08/2019 19:43

Everyone is so harsh and judgemental. I had a dummy until I was about 7 (I think) - I gave it up by myself. I think you should let her make that decision...she will stop when she wants to have sleepovers etc...

Pepperstripe · 05/08/2019 19:43

Everyone is so harsh and judgemental. I had a dummy until I was about 7 (I think) - I gave it up by myself. I think you should let her make that decision...she will stop when she wants to have sleepovers etc...

Pepperstripe · 05/08/2019 19:43

Everyone is so harsh and judgemental. I had a dummy until I was about 7 (I think) - I gave it up by myself. I think you should let her make that decision...she will stop when she wants to have sleepovers etc...

Pepperstripe · 05/08/2019 19:43

Everyone is so harsh and judgemental. I had a dummy until I was about 7 (I think) - I gave it up by myself. I think you should let her make that decision...she will stop when she wants to have sleepovers etc...