6 yr old DD still has a dummy

[Pyromare98]

More of a WWYD I suppose. Name change for this as I'm v.embarrassed. I must concede that my 6 year old DD still has a dummy at bedtime. I know what you must be thinking, but she is only allowed it strictly to go to sleep, it helps her wind down right before bed. She is very aware that she is far too old for it, and would be mortified if anyone found out about it, (only me, DH, her brother, and her grandparents know that she still has one.) We have tried many times to get her to give it up but it's always a massive struggle, we've had visits for the dummy fairy, and santa to take them away, we've read books about giving it up, and once we even 'forgot' it when we came back from holiday. But everytime she just gets so upset.

We saw on the one show the other night, this woman that helps children give up the dummy in five days. We watched it together and she saw children, much younger than her, give up there dummies with very little fuss. We discussed this with her, and she said that she wanted to go to bed without a dummy, starting on Sunday, (last night.) She was very excited for this, until she got into bed. She then started to sob, saying she missed her dummy, begging us to let her have it. She eventually fell asleep after 3 hours of crying, I even heard her in the night, softly sobbing. It was heartbreaking. This morning I told her how well she had done, but she just asked if she could have a dummy tonight.

DH and I are conflicted, on one hand she's way too old for it, on the other, what's the harm? It hasn't effected her teeth, as the dentist has assured me, and her speech is fantastic. One second she wants to be a big girl and give it up, which we are here to help and support her for, the next minute she just wants her dummy.
I feel so evil for not letting her have it, should I just give her the dummy?
Help.

I am at a loss as to why anyone ever gives a dummy to a baby??!! I saw a tiny little mite, only days old with one last week. When my baby cried I did what was necessary at the time, cuddled her and then put her down. Why on earth do some mothers take the easy way out and plonk a dummy in the little one's mouth

You have no idea. All babies are different. DS2 was like your baby - when he cried I gave him a cuddle and that calmed him. No need for dummies or anything else. He was an easy baby and remains a quiet and calm little boy. Not all babies are like this! DS1 needed his dummy. It helped him soothe. In some countries it's considered cruel NOT to give a dummy!

Stop judging when you have no clue what you are talking about. All babies are different and there is nothing wrong with dummies! (Infact, they can be really soothing for the baby and help them settle)

Why does anyone give their child a dummy in the first place?

I've never understood it.

Why does anyone give their child a dummy in the first place?

I've never understood it.

My child didn't want to give up his dummy, so I laid the ground work... shops wont sell dummy to people without babies... one by one the dummies he had broke until he was down to the last one. Then we took him on a day out to visit build a bear and got the last broken dummy stuffed into bear of their choice. Worked a dream x

You have my sympathy OP. My DS was obsessed with his dummies but he was only allowed one at night. The day before his 6th birthday he declared he was too old for them he wasn't a baby, sure enough he hasn't asked for one since his birthday, I was surprised how easy it was as we had tried everything to make him give them up! I have an older child with ASD who was never too fussed with dummies, he ditched them just before he turned 2. I would just keep trying to explain to her that she is a big girl now and doesn't need them. It is so hard especially when we are bombarded with advice telling us what we should and shouldn't be doing! Everyone's circumstances are different we shouldn't judge!

I'm sorry to be horrible a blunt, but you're being ridiculous, and you're not helping her. The older she gets, the worse this will get

Throw them all away. Now. Accept she'll be upset for a few nights but ffs just stop making such a massive deal of this, it's absolutely ridiculous.

Good lord, shes 6. And winding you up.

I still feel guilty now for putting DC1 through dummy cold turkey.
With my other three we put the dummy in a drawer or box next to their bed. If they needed it they got it and nothing was said. If they didn't get it we made a huge fuss of them and eventually they stopped getting it.
It was longer but much much gentler there was no crying and it was their achievement rather than a forced one.

I am at a loss as to why anyone ever gives a dummy to a baby??!!

Firstly I sucked my thumb until I was 19 and pregnant with DC1. I found it really really hard to give up. I didn't want thumb suckers.

Second babies like to suck, it comforts them. With my 2/3/4th I didn't have hours to spend glued to the sofa while they comfort sucked me as they slept. Even with DC1 it meant I could sleep while she slept. Properly sleep not the half doze you do when there's a baby right next to you.

Third I had read the research about dummies possibly playing a part in preventing SIDS.

Fourth dummies encourage saliva which helps to fight plaque.

Fifth as a nursery worker I knew the importance of transition objects. If I wasn't around my child always had a comfort.

It’s not just about the dummy though is it? It’s learning about not always being able to have what you want and following through with things - something that until now you’ve danced around and not really shown her or demonstrated.

Agree with previous posters - you’ve done one night, keep it up. Agree with the pricking the dummy so it doesn’t seem the same, and explaining they after a while when someone is too grown up, they stop working properly. That way you can do a slower withdrawal if it’s become an emotional crutch but she won’t get the same satisfaction from it. I’d try doing as many nights as possible without though - it’s better for everyone.
We all have things we struggle to do or give up because when it comes down to it we cant find the will power but it’s with support that it makes it possible - you’ve got to be strong for her now and stand your ground.

I would honestly just let her have it. She won't be 15 and using it. It's not like she takes it to school.

Sorry if this has already been suggested but I have read about cutting the teats off so the child can't suck but they can still hold the dummy part for comfort- may be worth a shot?

But I am also of the mindset that it's caused her no harm so far and it's such a comfort to her so I'd let her carry on. But I would keep reading stories about children stopping, dummy fairy etc and she'll stop eventually.

Poor girl- must be so horrible to hear her upset

Sorry if this has already been suggested but I have read about cutting the teats off so the child can't suck but they can still hold the dummy part for comfort- may be worth a shot?

But I am also of the mindset that it's caused her no harm so far and it's such a comfort to her so I'd let her carry on. But I would keep reading stories about children stopping, dummy fairy etc and she'll stop eventually.

Poor girl- must be so horrible to hear her upset

*Why does anyone give their child a dummy in the first place?

I've never understood it.*

Maybe go back and read the explanations to the last idiot poster who said the same thing? If you haven't had a child who's pre-term or had colic or just an extreme need to suck you wouldn't understand. I had one of each. Second baby never needed a dummy, I'd breastfeed him and put him down and he'd sleep peacefully for long stretches from days old. First baby was born early and they recommended a dummy in NICU to help with her suck reflex as she was being tube fed through her nose. After we got home she screamed for about 4 months. She was in a lot of discomfort because of immature digestive system and sucking helped sooth her. I guess I should have just explained to her that some people think dummies are bad so she'll have to just suffer.

Hi OP. I had mine at night until I was at least 6 and a half (didn't at age 7 so must have grown out of it at some point during the year). I can't remember exactly how i stopped, but I do remember going through them when I had teeth so maybe I popped the last one and that was that 🤷). Like your DD, no-one outside our immediate family knew and I would have been mortified if anyone had found out.

I have never had dental, jaw or speech issues and I get the impression those are over reported for dummy users, especially these days you see ones that are specifically designed to reduce dental issues, however I did know several finger and thumb suckers who needed braces and there were a few children right into junior school who still sucked thumbs.

Good luck, I'm sure she will get there 🍀

My 20yo DS and I were having a laugh about him being a dummy monster only last week. He said he remembered hiding dummies all over his room, he was only allowed them at bedtime from very little but was 6 when he gave them up. Really - it's not a biggie so ignore the people here who are being judgy. DS swapped his dummies for a toy he really wanted in the end, a few tears at bedtime but he got through it. Good luck x

I also used a dummy until 5-6 and have never had any jaw problems, my teeth grew perfectly straight and I never needed a brace, I talked early and am now a doctor.

The people clutching their pearls on here remind me of some of my parents friends I encountered at 10-11, who where horrified that I'd asked for toys for birthday/Christmas and not clothes/makeup sets. I wasn't ready to move on from my toy-playing childhood, and they made me feel like a freak of nature. Looking back I'm like

'What do you need toys for, you're almost grown up! You're not a BABY are you, you can't play with toys when you're at University!'

A bit of kindess and encouragement is all that's needed, shaming children for not being ready to give up something that means so much to them and gives them so much comfort is awful.

If you give in you are sending her a message that she CAN'T do it, which will confuse and frighten her. What about getting her books on CD to listen to at night? My kids loved them!

Why does anyone give their child a dummy in the first place?

Current NHS advice is that dummies are beneficial (for babies 0-6months) as there is evidence that they reduce the risk of SIDS.

You need to be tougher OP. My son still had his dummy at 4, I was so worried about his teeth. Dentist said it was OK, but he knew he is autistic and I honestly thought he was just being kind.

I would ask her if a little comfort teddy would help, she could suck its ear or whatever..

Watch children's TV, wait for her to see an advert for a giant bit of over priced plastic tat, as soon as she asks for said tat offer to buy it in exchange for the dummies.

Sell the dream of exciting forbidden plastic crap.
Buy toy, ideally from a proper toy shop for extra excitement.
Destroy dummies.
Tough it out.

Worked for my older child!