AIBU or is this totally not on?

[Bellasblankexpression]

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

Not read the thread but I wold suggest someone else stayed.

And had a party.

At least you won't have to worry about ever having to let them stay again!

Hopefully your cousin is feeling embarrassed

If it's your cousin, I would ask other relatives if they have a home tel. you can contact them on?

I'd be tempted to get hold of my uncle/aunt too.

Not sure how old you are OP, yet this is a cousin and I would be letting the parents know if possible, yours and there’s. Nothing more embarrassing and unacceptable behaviour than letting the oldies in on it.

I don’t understand why she wouldn’t at least have cleared up the bathroom and the rum bottle and stuff? Why just leave all the evidence of the party?

Blimey OP, the fact that she's being very elusive now smacks of her knowing exactly what a state she's left it in. What a nerve!

I would be contacting the parents along these lines

" have you heard from MessyFucker since the wedding? ONly I am anxious about them because I can't get in contact and my house was left in such a terrible state after they stayed over for the wedding that I am a bit worried that there might be something wrong. I hope everything is OK. If you do hear from MessyFucker then let them know I have cleared up the mess in the bathroom but would be grateful if they could replace the rum and pay for the carpet cleaning and a new sound bar for my tv. Hope you are both well."

I’d be phoning my mum who then would phone her mum. Like a big kid
If it’s so unusual, was she alone? I’m assuming a party?

I don’t understand why she wouldn’t at least have cleared up the bathroom and the rum bottle and stuff? Why just leave all the evidence of the party?

Two words: Brutal hangover

About now she has The Fear.

I reckon she did clear up. That’s the best she could do in her state. God knows what it was like before

I wouldn’t contact your aunt and uncle unless she’s young or lives with them. Bit odd if she’s like 30

That’s so not on.

They probably have beer fear!

I'm not keen on airing dirty laundry on social media tbh, I rarely use it.

I'm going to contact my aunt, cousin lives in her annexe.

No, it was agreed she alone would be saving so she could save money on the wedding hotel costs as it's near to where we live.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I'm tired and fed up now and got to finish sorting out the house. To make matters worse - and not to dripfeed because it's not really relevant - but I'm 17 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty crappy as it is. Sigh. Lesson learned.

I will definitely be getting an answer on this, and getting her to take responsibility so will update when I've actually managed to make contact with someone. Until then I'm going to finish the clearing up with DH and then completely veg out for the rest of the evening I think.

Definitely had a party by the sounds of it and now the hangover and shame has kicked in so shes avoiding you!

She’ll be suffering a huge hangover

Ohcanda
Did you not read my post properly I didn't say I WOULD call the police, I said I would TELL them I was considering it as a wake up call to make them realise the damage they'd caused. Please don't criticise me unless you actually understand what I've said. Thanks

She just has a mobile, not a landline, like us just in answer to pp's question.
Phone is off so no point calling from another number.
I'm in my 30s.

That was in response to another poster's question too ^ I'm not just randomly declaring my age!

Why in earth didn’t he/she clean up ? Bad enough to have some kind of drunken shenanigans, but to leave it in such a mess ? Hopefully you will get a huge apology and the damage sorted out once all the alcohol leaves your cousin’s system!

Almost definitely deliberately not answering the phone
Keep going x

Try a different number- she may have blocked yours

Her phone is now off, so no point using another number