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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2019 17:38

From the sound of it, it appears they also allowed fuck-knows-who into your home without approval. I'd be checking to see if anything has been stolen, and then filing a police report if items are missing.

Pagwatch · 04/08/2019 17:39

I’d phone them and ask them what happened.
If you feel like you’ve got to wind yourself up to be angry (especially if you’ve known them a while and don’t like confrontation) then you’ll never do it.
I’d have to ask because it’s possible something happened.
We had a similar thing and it turned out that our friends had left one evening earlier than planned trusting their teenager to leave it tidy. Their friends turned up and had a mini party and teenager decided not to own up in the hope no one would say anything

I can’t think of a decent excuse but I’d still have to ask

CodenameVillanelle · 04/08/2019 17:40

OMG how fucking rude!

gamerchick · 04/08/2019 17:42

Total up a cost of the damage and tell them you want them to transfer the money for the damages and that never to ask to stay at you place again
It's pretty obvious some of the wedding people have come back to yours to carry on the party. I'd be spitting feathers.

spongebunnyfatpants · 04/08/2019 17:43

Take photos of everything, so you have physical evidence.
Check your home for anything that is missing. If anything is missing call the Police.
Make a list of all damage and broken items and send them the bill, along with one for cleaning.
Never let them stay again.
Don't wait to calm down, they need to know how angry and upset you are.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 04/08/2019 17:43

What sort of age are they? Do you think they invited someone to crash at yours with them? Awful to have damaged things and left so much mess Envy < not envy about the bathroom!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/08/2019 17:44

Definitely take pictures and call them.

VenusTiger · 04/08/2019 17:44

If the relative has stayed previously and left flat tidy, as you say, then it sounds like his/her guests did the damage and the relative was too drunk/hungover to notice or may not even be aware of the broken stuff.
Tell them everything!

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:49

It's my cousin. We get on really well.
No idea how much time was left between them leaving and us arriving, I got a text this morning saying they wouldn't be here when we would be back so I'd be surprised if they didn't notice the mess/damage.

Agree it looks like some kind of after party :-/

I've calmed down slightly, I'm going to give them a call. Have taken pics etc. I am a bit confused because this has never happened before - I would never have let them stay if I'd thought they would pull something like this.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 04/08/2019 17:49

I would be phoning them angry. And taking pics as evidence incase they start denying to others.

It sounds like they had a party!

BenWillbondsPants · 04/08/2019 17:51

Of course you should be asking what the hell happened. And they should be paying for any damage.

gamerchick · 04/08/2019 17:54

Don't be surprised if they dont answer the phone though.

Ellmau · 04/08/2019 17:56

They should pay for professional cleaners to come in and sort it out, as well as replacing any broken or missing items.

And obviously never invite them again.

gingersausage · 04/08/2019 17:58

Why on earth are you because so pathetic? Someone has trashed your home. The fact you are related to them is unfortunate but doesn’t excuse it.

gingersausage · 04/08/2019 17:58

*being not because

Tistheseason17 · 04/08/2019 17:58

There would not be another invite IIWY!

ohfourfoxache · 04/08/2019 18:00

Bloody hell I’d be incandescent Angry

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 18:00

I'd be fucking raging! They need to pay you for the damage and sorry, but they'd not be staying again no matter how well we got on. I'd also check nothing was missing. They invited folks over for an after party. Not on!

pictish · 04/08/2019 18:00

Yup, after party.

CuriousMama · 04/08/2019 18:05

What a CF! I hope you get an answer soon but yes definitely sounds like they've had people back. So disrespectful.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/08/2019 18:06

Party or you were burgled just after they left? Hmm

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 04/08/2019 18:06

find out what happened - and check they’re ok oh purleeese!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/08/2019 18:09

Photos and list of damage before phonecall so they can't bluff their way out of it and say that they didn't think it was much to fuss about. I think if you go in all guns blazing up front that you may give them an excuse to hang up and not get your money back for damages. The very least they owe you is an explanation for not saying anything and also an apology.

TheInvestigator · 04/08/2019 18:10

My friend did this when I was at uni. I let him stay while I was at my parents. They drove me back and came in with me and the place was an absolute tip. There were glasses actually stuck to the wood flooring due to sticky spillage residue. There were curry marks on the ceiling and nan breads on the floor, as if they'd been thrown at the ceiling for a game or something. It just got worse and worse as my parents and I walked through. People can really surprise you.

PancakeAndKeith · 04/08/2019 18:12

Phone them and create.
Doesn’t matter who they are or your relationship, they clearly have bugger all respect for you.

Photograph all the mess.

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