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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
PlaymobilPirate · 04/08/2019 18:13

I'd forward them the pics and say 'I'll be ringing you in 15 minutes to discuss this'

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 04/08/2019 18:14

Definitely sounds like a party. It's good you've taken photos, I'd call and tell them your considering going to the police for damage to property, I'm sure they'd be quick to pay up. I'm sorry you've had to come home to this

Dippypippy1980 · 04/08/2019 18:17

What age is your cousin?? Although even a teenager shouldn’t know how to behave

Belenus · 04/08/2019 18:17

I'd take photos and list the damage but tbh if they have left without cleaning up or apologising I don't think they'll be rectifying the damage.

Then I would phone from a number they won't recognise and I would unleash hell. I might start with a sarcastic "were we broken into after you left?" but it would swiftly be followed with "what the actual fucking fuck you stupid fucking wanker".

BlankTimes · 04/08/2019 18:19

Is it possible they didn't stay themselves but gave your keys to a third party?

DPotter · 04/08/2019 18:19

I agree with Playmobil - send the images and say you're ringning in 15 mins to talk about them. But also add - if you don't pick up I'll phone and send the images to your Mum / Dad (who ever the relationship is thru)

ohcanada · 04/08/2019 18:19

Call the police on a cousin you usually get on well with and trust?! Oh give over. @Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav
Do you really act like that in the real world?

Sexnotgender · 04/08/2019 18:19

That’s well out of order, I’d be livid.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 18:23

@gingersausage I'm not being pathetic - I wasn't asking if I should call them on it full stop, just whether I should calm down first as I was so livid I didn't feel like I could even articulate my argument with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 18:25

My cousin is 28. I've tried to call since I started this thread but they're not answering the phone.
Am going to keep trying, obviously.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 04/08/2019 18:25

I would be absolutely pissed off at this. Definitely phone them and ask what the hell they were playing at. It's a bit strange how they have stayed before and you have never had a problem apart from this once.

gamerchick · 04/08/2019 18:26

Send a text with all the photos and let loose. Tell them you want an explanation and money to cover the damages. I didn't think they'd answer the phone.

Rivkka · 04/08/2019 18:27

I'd be on the phone non stop until they picked up

timshelthechoice · 04/08/2019 18:28

Message them then. Send the photos. 'Can't believe you did this to my home! WTAF? Now you're avoiding me? Shameful!'

Gits!

TalkToMeAboutSocialWorkPlease · 04/08/2019 18:29

Do the neighbours have anything to say?

LoubyLou1234 · 04/08/2019 18:30

If they aren't answering I'd send photos via text or email with contact me! ASAP!
Obviously something to hide without answering the phone.

Even if something got out of hand on the night you would at least clean it up and apologise for any damages etc before you left or the home owners arrived back. Not me though I wouldn't disrespect someone else's home... never mind family!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 04/08/2019 18:31

I agree with PP - message her saying she needs to pick up phone in the next minutes or all the photos of the disgusting state she's left your home will be going on the family what's app

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 18:31

My neighbour isn't in, but when she's back I'm going to go down and see her - she's lovely and I would hate to think she's had a weekend of noise. I would have imagined she would text me to complain if there had been, but I didn't hear anything from her.

I will keep trying to get through. Doubly infuriating to have to spend my evening dealing with it when I'm shattered after being away.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/08/2019 18:32

Incandescent is how I would be.

After photographing everything and sending to them.
I would be asking for an explanation and compensation.

I also would let other family know.

So disrespectful.

Another OP on MN, is allowing 9 family members, whom she doesn't see often and wouldn't bother to visit her if she was at home, to use her house while she is on holidays.

Very, very risky.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 18:33

Jesus Christ maybe I should pop on and warn her about the damage one can do! Shock

OP posts:
DanglyWhoreTassels · 04/08/2019 18:33

Txt them with WTAF has happened to my house???

Wherearemycrayons · 04/08/2019 18:34

Wow that is so disrespectful 😱 sounds like some sort of after party but who wouldn’t try and tidy up after themselves?!

username678889 · 04/08/2019 18:35

If you can't get through txt a picture with WTF HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE!!!!

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 18:36

I've text, I've text! But I'm still trying to get through as well.

OP posts:
RightYesButNo · 04/08/2019 18:37

Your cousin trashed your house and now is not picking up the phone - how incredibly cowardly. And the fact that they were so insistent on being gone before you arrived means that they definitely knew about all the meds and didn’t want to face you - I mean, they’re avoiding you right now! I would find it very hard to respect them at all at this point, if I were you, OP.

Also, very smart about asking the neighbor about what really happened because based on your cousin’s behavior so far, who knows if they will tell you the truth (and I sincerely doubt they will tell the whole truth, since they haven’t respected you so far). And unfortunately, you may have to apologize to the neighbor for noise/rudeness from whatever party your cousin threw.

Sorry, OP. What a totally rotten thing to deal with when you’re shattered after travel.