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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 06/08/2019 07:10

She’s not even young. Agree with Belenus though don’t work yourself up for your own sake.

rainbowstardrops · 06/08/2019 08:22

She doesn't even sound sorry!!!

You live and learn OP and you've learned never to let the CF in your home ever again!

rainbowstardrops · 06/08/2019 08:22

She doesn't even sound sorry!!!

You live and learn OP and you've learned never to let the CF in your home ever again!

Sparklynails77 · 06/08/2019 08:24

@Bellasblankexpression I know you said you've asked her to pay for the perfume, rum and sound bar lead, but you should also charge her for the missing toiletries and facial oils, cleaning and upset caused.

Please don't wait for your "skint" cousin to "find a way" to pay because she'll just keep making excuses and avoid paying. PLEASE get her parents involved. They could pay or put pressure on their daughter. You are PREGNANT ffs and don't need this stress.

Also, tell as many other family members as possible so everyone knows what's happened.

supersop60 · 06/08/2019 08:27

So, has she actually apologised and admitted she was in the wrong?
Your last post suggests she has made some excuses, but I don't see a proper apology anywhere.

Aridane · 06/08/2019 08:28

Also make her pay for changing your locks, any of the strangers she invited could have had the key copied during the time they were there

That’s a bit improbable and asking for that devalues the other items where OP properly needs to be reimbursed

KUGA · 06/08/2019 08:29

Definitely call them.
But calm down first,that way he/she will hear what your saying rather than an angry voice.
And don't let them stop again,you wont need to say why.
Good luck.

Felyne · 06/08/2019 08:40

As an aside, how did she get back to her house? Did she drive a car? (i.e. drunk?)
Utterly shit way to treat you in the first place by trashing your house then to lie about it and minimise it. She may be 28 but she's not a 'grown-up'.
I hope this gets resolved to your satisfaction.

Sb74 · 06/08/2019 08:44

Of course it’s totally not on. Why did you even need to ask? If someone trashes your house then that’s not on is it? No brainier.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/08/2019 08:49

Also make her pay for changing your locks, any of the strangers she invited could have had the key copied during the time they were there

Good point. I always bring my key copying tools to weddings with me on the off chance I get invited to a strangers house and can borrow the keys from them without them noticing and make several sets.

billybagpuss · 06/08/2019 08:56

Sorry if this has been asked, but did she drive home with this dreadful hangover? She’s very lucky she didn’t get stopped or kill anyone if she did, as she must have been massively over the limit still.

The next family gathering will be nice and awkward, when are you likely to see her again?

elessar · 06/08/2019 08:59

Good grief I would be incandescent with rage. Not only to behave like that and leave your flat in such a state, but then to try and avoid any responsibility and get out of paying for the damage she's caused.

I would absolutely expect reimbursement for everything she has broken/damaged/been stolen - being skint is irrelevant, if she was staying in a hotel the damages would be taken directly from her credit card. The fact that you are family and gave her a place to stay free of charge makes it much much worse.

I can't believe she is being 'grudging' about saying she will pay you back - she should be falling over herself to make right her wrongs. I would tell her you expect reimbursement before the end of the month (when she is next paid I assume?) or you will be taking her to the small claims court. I would also inform your aunt about this, and the extent of the theft & damages. Yes your cousin is an adult but she's still living under her mother's roof - and your aunt may be able to apply appropriate pressure to her. At the very least it deserves to be known exactly what she has done and I wouldn't be protecting her from any embarrassment or shame.

elessar · 06/08/2019 09:01

I think the police threat may be a good idea too if she is reticent to admit responsibility/pay. Realistically they're not likely to do much about it but they might pop over and question her about it as the person present/responsible for giving entry to the group.

If nothing else that would hammer home the seriousness of her actions.

madcatladyforever · 06/08/2019 09:03

Take photos of everything. Email them to your relative with the message what the fuck happened here.

newmomof1 · 06/08/2019 09:28

@ShirleyPhallus 🤣🤣🤣

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 06/08/2019 09:38

I just can't believe she scuttled off, ignored you and minimised.

If it was me I'd have still been there scrubbing the place clean when you got back and I swear to god it would have glowed. And if I was skint I'd have assured you that I could pay you x amount each month but I would pay it off, no matter how long it took.

And then, after apologising, I'd bloody well keep clear of you until I was in good graces again.

As much as I'd want to involve family to shame her, I imagine that your Aunt lets her off the handle for smaller things than this, given her behaviour

ThingInTheAttic · 06/08/2019 11:14

I have read the whole thread ( now very over-invested!)
The whole "I didn't know them very well, so it's not really my fault what they did" crap won't wash. How can she not understand that she was responsible for your home, and for who she let into it, while she was staying there therefore the buck stops with her? The fact she didn't know them is her problem of her own making, not yours.

Also, I agree with others who have said not to let the "I'm skint" sob story turn into a "never paying you back" situation and leave you out of pocket. She had enough money to get pissed in the wedding bar (unless it was free drinks, of course) AND was planning to go on to another bar and spend more money- so she can pay for stuff when she wants to. If she can't fork out for everything at once, fair enough, she ought to put some money aside every month to give back to you.
Well done on finally getting an admission (of sorts) out of her, though. I'm so sorry it has been so stressful for you. What a shame she has turned out to be such a let down. Acting more like a sulky child who's been caught out, than a grown woman, shame on her. Poor you.

ThingInTheAttic · 06/08/2019 11:21

Forgot to say, I am absolutely appalled at the stealing. let's not forget that these are not totally random strangers from a pub, these were other GUESTS from the wedding! They knew that they were going back to the "home" of another guest (your cousin) and they STOLE from that guest. Just awful.

nilcarborundum · 06/08/2019 11:41

I think your cousin will be avoiding you for some time ,op. I'd be furious Angry

nilcarborundum · 06/08/2019 11:41

I think your cousin will be avoiding you for some time ,op. I'd be furious Angry

nilcarborundum · 06/08/2019 11:41

I think your cousin will be avoiding you for some time ,op. I'd be furious Angry

Skittlenommer · 06/08/2019 11:53

I’d take her to small claims court after which she would be dead to me forever more!

Even though you’ve cleaned I’d still pay to have the house professionally deep cleaned. I wouldn’t be able to relax until then. Someone could have shagged on your sofa! Shock

Skittlenommer · 06/08/2019 11:55

I am absolutely appalled at the stealing. let's not forget that these are not totally random strangers from a pub, these were other GUESTS from the wedding!

Agreed!! I’d want a list of names!! Should be easy enough to track some of them down if there are a few tagged in the Facebook photos.

ThingInTheAttic · 06/08/2019 12:07

Someone could have shagged on your sofa!

Oh, don't! The OP is stressed enough already...maybe it's wipe clean leather (she said, hopefully)

nilcarborundum · 06/08/2019 12:08

So sorry about the multiple posts! Blush

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