Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Winterlife · 05/08/2019 19:46

@Wonkybanana, ROFL.

rainbowbear10 · 05/08/2019 19:53

Did your relative have some friends stay over with them wither way phone and tell them you are not happy with the state they left your house in..

FelicisNox · 05/08/2019 19:54

YANBU and I hope you find a resolution.

I agree: send her an itemized bill and tell her unless you are reimbursed you will be taking it further.

Alert the aunt and make it clear you are not asking for anything, just keeping her in the loop.

HundredMilesAnHour · 05/08/2019 20:09

I think if she’s 28 and has any brains she’ll just ignore at the police threat tbh

Don't make a police threat, make a small claims court threat - and stick to it if she doesn't cough up. You have more than enough evidence for the small claims court to rule in your favour.

Dagnabit · 05/08/2019 20:11

I once got food poisoning from half a bottle of vodka and 2 pints of snakebite....bad times...

Belenus · 05/08/2019 20:23

I've had food poisoning from cider. Dreadful stuff. I wonder what they put in it?

HundredMilesAnHour · 05/08/2019 20:27

I reckon it's the OP's rum. It must have gone off and been what caused the poor cousin to get food poisoning. The cousin did the OP a favour getting rid of it. Wink

Travis1 · 05/08/2019 20:29

Jesus id be apoplectic. Definitely send her a bill

IAmTheMumWhoKnocks · 05/08/2019 20:30

Bloody hell!!

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 05/08/2019 20:30

Awful! Have you heard back from her yet?

jelly79 · 05/08/2019 20:35

Wow how awful is this! She needs to know how much she has really hurt you when you were trying to help her. Yes she should replay you but I don't think that's what you are after, she has let you down and that's much worse.

Not sure why the aunt should pay if she doesn't though!

Saddler · 05/08/2019 20:38

Wow this is horrendous. Send her an itemised bill.

RandomFriday · 05/08/2019 20:44

Busted. The cheeky fucker.

Trudij123 · 05/08/2019 20:45

Can’t add anything at all, but my god I’m amazed you are so calm about it!! How on earth can she have thought it remotely acceptable to do any of it??!!!

CuriousBetty · 05/08/2019 20:47

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest. In fact, maybe only unreasonable in the lack of stink that you are kicking up.

Even if she’d left the flat in pristine condition (including thank you card and wee present for letting her stay), the fact that you were doing her a favour and allowed her to stay alone and that she then brought strangers into your house for a party is not ok. I think I’d feel a bit violated to have strangers mulling around my space without my permission.

My suggestion: agree with the others that say make up an itemised bill, except deep clean from a cleaning company is way more than £50. You could google how much it costs near you but here it would be £200 absolute minimum.

Sound bar - replacement value
Perfume - replacement value
Etc
Etc
(Apology ...?)

Then hopefully you will be able to go and do something special for yourself to cheer you up.

JaneyJimplin · 05/08/2019 21:00

Jeez what a cow! Not sure how she can make this up to you tbh...

But thanks to OnlyaMan for explaining this all to me. My pretty little lady brain found this all sooo confwusing Hmm

gamesanddaisychains · 05/08/2019 21:04

So you were kind enough to let her stay in your home so that she didn't have to spend money on a hotel. I can't even tell you how angry her behaviour makes me feel and I don't even know her (or you)! At 28 she should be adult enough to face up to her actiond and make right your damages and losses. Why should you bear the brunt of her trying to save money? Your aunt sounds a little afraid of her by the way. If any of my children acted like this, whether they had a hangover or not, I would be waking them up to deal with the fall out of their behaviour, especially with a vloserelative who has been so kindto het

BruceAndNosh · 05/08/2019 21:08

So she saved money on a hotel then caused x5 the cost of a hotel room in damage?

BasinHaircut · 05/08/2019 21:15

We let relatives stay at our house all of the time when we are away.

I usually come home to things such as fresh flowers, bread and milk.

Blimey.

GhostRidersInDisguise · 05/08/2019 21:18

Itemised bill for cleaning and missing items. I would be going feckin apeshit! I would fade this friendship rellie or no rellie.

ToftyAC · 05/08/2019 21:22

Fair play, I’ve done some shitty things in my youth, but this would take the bloody cake! So sorry OP - charge her for bloody every little thing!

awesmum · 05/08/2019 21:22

Maybe no good going to the police, but you could threaten her with small claims court. Professional clean, replaced items etc.

mcdog · 05/08/2019 21:25

OP, I don't know how you're not storming to her house and going berserk at her!!! How disrespectful can one person be for heavens sake Shock

Jaxinthebox · 05/08/2019 21:29

I would be beyond livid! I hope she has had the decency to apologise by now and will be replacing/paying for all items broken/drank/missing

IHaveAnOutie · 05/08/2019 21:31

I can't believe she woke up in the morning after she had a party in your home (without your consent) and walked out, leaving the house looking like that! It makes me think was she even the last person to leave? Maybe she let some of her "friends" lock up after they promised they'd tidy up a bit more. Surely, no-one would actually leave the house looking like that, however hungover, sorry, however ill they were. You'd at least put empty bottles in the bin, even if you didn't get round to cleaning the toilet, surely?