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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious

153 replies

suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 14:17

My friend has had quite bad mental health for the past few years. She holds down a good job and has been married to her DH for about 6/7 years. He has a great job too.

She had a baby 7 weeks ago and had a rough pregnancy with sickness and other aches and pains. I have two children and was on hand to sympathise with her. I gave her quite a few items to borrow for her baby (yet to receive a thank you for these but hey ho)

Anyway, since the baby has been born I’ve checked in with her every maybe 5/6 days just asking how she is and general chit chat. Bare in mind she’s had poor mental health that continued into her pregnancy and she worried about it continuing and becoming PND.

Anyway, she replies to these messages and this morning I get a message from her obviously meant for someone else which read, “that c*nt sucker keeps annoying me with text messages asking how I am.” amongst other things not related to me.

I didn’t respond immediately but she obviously hadn’t realised she’d sent it to the wrong person.

I relied

“Far from being a c*nt, I was checking in every so often as I know a new baby can be a bit isolating. However, since this is your opinion of me, I suggest that here is where we draw a line under the friendship. I expect my children’s belongings which I let you borrow returned to me and I’ll pick them up this week.”

She has replied: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’ve been great to me in the past few months.”

Aibu to just say thanks but no thanks?

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 04/08/2019 14:19

Sounds like she sent it to you on purpose but pretending it was an accident.

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2019 14:20

YANBU.

But I’d just write off the baby stuff so she can be reminded of what a cunt SHE is.

MrsExpo · 04/08/2019 14:20

Oops. Shown her true colours there OP and you're right to be angry.

I think a firm line under this friendship, Tell her when you'll be run to collect your things, pick up your stuff and move on to someone who deserves your time.

StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2019 14:20

What viciousness. Yanbu

PookieDo · 04/08/2019 14:21

Yep I would say thanks for the apology but no thanks
If you just roll over at 1 text apology she isn’t going to ever respect you!

MH isn’t an excuse to be a horrible person

I feel bad for you

MrsExpo · 04/08/2019 14:21

round to collect, not run ..... GAH!!

AlwaysCheddar · 04/08/2019 14:22

I’d get the stuff and be done with her.

ExplodingCarrots · 04/08/2019 14:22

She obviously did mean it Hmm probably shitting it that she's been caught now. It'd be no turning back for me personally. Sorry op ,must have been horrible to read.

Pipandmum · 04/08/2019 14:22

Are you sure she was referring to you? If your are then pick up your stuff and leave it til she’s in a better place mentally.
Have to say when my husband died the last thing I needed was someone asking me once a week if I was ok or my real bugbear ‘just let me know if I can do anything’. A cooked meal dropped off or an suggestion for an outing yes.

Nautiloid · 04/08/2019 14:23

I'd say thanks but no thanks to that one. I'd be completely done with her.

Original poster
suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 14:23

@ExplodingCarrots it was Sad we’ve been friends for years. I’m gutted. I’ve got two kids and a full time job and I was really trying to be helpful to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 14:24

@ExplodingCarrots posted too soon.

I should have finished with i barely have any time and I’ve been trying to make sure she’s ok. Don’t think I’ll be trying again.

And I’ll be getting my stuff back!

OP posts:
Jupiters · 04/08/2019 14:24

Unless you really need the stuff back I'd just leave it and just completely ignore her from now on. She's made her feelings clear in the first text.

Pretendapony · 04/08/2019 14:24

Stick by your guns OP, she’s shown her true colours!

Original poster
suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 14:25

@Pipandmum nobody has died. She’s had a baby and has told me how concerned she is for her mental health and PND.

I appreciate your post but your situation was entirely different.

OP posts:
MrsMump · 04/08/2019 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FatAndFurious7 · 04/08/2019 14:27

Wow, that's a pretty aggressive message. Is she normally quite sweary in her language? If not then I'd be very surprised if that was an accident as usually you write the same way you speak.
I think she was a tw*t to send that (to you or anyone else, about you), but if she has been going through some mental health troubles, and has a new baby, her emotions may be completely all over the place. It may just be that in that particular moment one of your messages woke her up from a nap, or snapped her out of a lovely relaxing minute and she was angry.
However, don't want to smooth over the fact that what she said was very rude and you are definitely not BU to be offended and angry. Perhaps just give her some time, a few weeks to mull it over and see where you both are.
It's not worth throwing a whole friendship away for. I'm sure we've all moaned about people behind their back before to our partners or friends and not really meant it. Usually it's just reflective of our current state of mind and we lash out at the people we love.
Maybe she even feels a little ashamed that you've done so much for her (hence the not thanking you for gifts too) and she's lashing out to preserve her independence and pride.

user1471449295 · 04/08/2019 14:27

What a bitch and a viscous nasty price of work.
Is ‘I didn’t mean it’ the best she could come up with. Of course she meant it. She just didn’t mean for you to read it.
Your response was perfect. I would collect items and block. There’s only so much you can help someone, and she clearly doesn’t respect or value you or your friendship. She has shown her true colours. I wouldn’t ever be able to view her the same again

Vanillelle · 04/08/2019 14:27

Ooft, that's harsh. I'm so sorry OP.

She may have been having a really bad moment and lashed out without meaning to - but that doesn't mean you have to be ok with it.

Pollypenguin01 · 04/08/2019 14:28

You do not need that in your life.

It wasn’t just a ‘FFS sucker keeps texting me, I know she means well but I want a bit of peace’ text that if she had apologised for and explained she was feeling shit etc then you might’ve got over it, instead it was pretty vicious and very unkind!

Collect your stuff ASAP, give it some time, see how you feel after a bit and go from there.

The old adage of people only respecting you as much as you respect yourself applies here.

Nautiloid · 04/08/2019 14:28

I'd let the stuff go as well if you can afford to. I'd never want to see her again and that way you can just draw a line under all contact straight away.

Tooner · 04/08/2019 14:28

Thats really sad for you OP but that would be it for me. Using such foul language to describe you is just awful. She doesn't sound like a nice friend at all.

Cannotresist · 04/08/2019 14:28

If that’s all the text says I think she’s apologising for being mean not cos she still wants to be “friends”

She obviously doesn’t like you for some reason which is possibly nothing you can change so I’d just draw the line

Definitely get your things back as closure and then be done

newmomof1 · 04/08/2019 14:28

I wouldn't cut her any slack, MH issues don't give her a get out of jail free card.
Walk away from that 'friendship' and don't look back.

It can be hard-wearing when 20 different people are contacting you asking you how you are, but there's no obligation to open their messages or respond.
For the first few weeks after having my baby, I had SO many unread messages.
It's up to her to manage her mental health, though, and you shouldn't have to take this shit because you were doing what you thought was best.

TuffersTickler · 04/08/2019 14:29

How rude she is OP. I would make an arrangement to go and collect your stuff, and then forget about her. You are trying to be a good friend, but you don't needs "friends" like her who will bitch about you behind your back.