to be furious

[suckerforbrowneyes]

My friend has had quite bad mental health for the past few years. She holds down a good job and has been married to her DH for about 6/7 years. He has a great job too.

She had a baby 7 weeks ago and had a rough pregnancy with sickness and other aches and pains. I have two children and was on hand to sympathise with her. I gave her quite a few items to borrow for her baby (yet to receive a thank you for these but hey ho)

Anyway, since the baby has been born I’ve checked in with her every maybe 5/6 days just asking how she is and general chit chat. Bare in mind she’s had poor mental health that continued into her pregnancy and she worried about it continuing and becoming PND.

Anyway, she replies to these messages and this morning I get a message from her obviously meant for someone else which read, “that c*nt sucker keeps annoying me with text messages asking how I am.” amongst other things not related to me.

I didn’t respond immediately but she obviously hadn’t realised she’d sent it to the wrong person.

I relied

“Far from being a c*nt, I was checking in every so often as I know a new baby can be a bit isolating. However, since this is your opinion of me, I suggest that here is where we draw a line under the friendship. I expect my children’s belongings which I let you borrow returned to me and I’ll pick them up this week.”

She has replied: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’ve been great to me in the past few months.”

Aibu to just say thanks but no thanks?

Has she said anything other than sorry?

Like, how could she not mean it??

I’d still let dh collect them to be honest!

She's been really mean and I'm not excusing her message at all, but playing devil's advocate....

... she could've been having a really bad day and worried that everyone is thinking she's a failure as a mother and wrongly seeing your (kind and thoughtful!) checking in texts as interfering and having a lack of faith in her... maybe she had lots of messages that day or someone had said something to her and touched a nerve? I don't know, but if she's previously been a great friend then her MH and possibly sleep deprivation from having a newborn could've swayed her to make this one mistake?

Yes, get your stuff back, but maybe hear her out on Tues if you feel you can/want to?

I'd send someone else to get your bits back.

I'd then leave it as time can be a healer but for now I wouldn't engage.

Wow. I read the OP and thought "c*nt sucker? That's unusual." 😂 I'm glad it's been cleared up but I'm definitely adding it to my repertoire!
Your reply was remarkably constrained. well done. I think I'd have been rather less polite. Definitely get your stuff back though, you've lent her a few hundred pounds worth by the sound of it! And I don't care if she has PND or not, that was a vile thing of her to say about you. having had PND myself, regular messages like yours were a lifeline.

For people saying they hate those kind of texts or how annoying they are - either up your telepathy skills so people know what you really want or maybe just try and appreciate someone being nice to you.

Gosh she's foul. I think you've reacted in a very dignified way, unlike your dreadful ex-friend. I think, for her, it will be a case of not knowing what she's got til it's gone whereas you won't be losing anything at all. She can, in fact, suck a €@$£.

If it's a message saying "How are you? Are you ok? Haven't heard from you in a while, how are things going?" then I can see how that might be aggravating - it's less supportive and more demanding-of-answers

Fuck this. Seriously.

Can't believe you've arranged to "see you next Tuesday"

Can't believe you've arranged to "see you next Tuesday

*She's been really mean and I'm not excusing her message at all, but playing devil's advocate....

... she could've been having a really bad day and worried that everyone is thinking she's a failure as a mother and wrongly seeing your (kind and thoughtful!) checking in texts as interfering and having a lack of faith in her... maybe she had lots of messages that day or someone had said something to her and touched a nerve? I don't know, but if she's previously been a great friend then her MH and possibly sleep deprivation from having a newborn could've swayed her to make this one mistake?

Yes, get your stuff back, but maybe hear her out on Tues if you feel you can/want to?*

^^Most sensible advice on here.

Why would anyone want to hear out someone who calls them vile names behind their back? There is no way on earth I could forgive that and having a bad day really isn't an excuse. I'd get my stuff back and that would be it.

She's only saying sorry because she needs to give the stuff back.

You don't call someone you like a cunt like that. So basically she can't stand you.

I had 3 kids under 2 and I used to get this a lot and I found it quite patronising at times.

Calling you a cunt was unnecessary.

Seriously, the PP saying they found it demanding/ stressful/ patronising when a friend took the time to contact you to ask how you were! Are you for real? Glad I'm not your friend.

I had a terrible period of anxiety earlier this year and found communicating very difficult. I'm normally very active on WhatsApp and reply to messages immediately but I just couldn't manage it.

I had lots of messages along the lines of "hope you're ok, not heard from you " and just couldn't respond at that time because I wasn't ok and couldn't lie about it.

However I was incredibly grateful for their concern and support. Never in a million years would I have referred to anyone as a cunt to another in a text or in any other capacity.

Your alleged friend is the only cunt here and she'll soon find herself friendless if she treats others like this.

If you're seeing her today, good luck OP.

I couldn't get past this either, even when I was in the depths of PND, I couldn't call someone who is supposed to be a friend a cunt*. It says a lot about how she actually sees you.

(*And certainly never a cuntsucker 😅)

I think it depends on how she uses that word. I would only call someone a c*nt under very extreme circumstances so the word had impact. However, others use it far more commonly. If she'd use it as synonymous with 'pain in the arse' would it be so hurtful?

I think it depends on how she uses that word. I would only call someone a c*nt under very extreme circumstances so the word had impact. However, others use it far more commonly. If she'd use it as synonymous with 'pain in the arse' would it be so hurtful?

I have a friend who was undergoing an incredible stressful time in her life.
She was fine with contact, messages of care and support - but she couldn't handle questions because they required answers, and she couldn't formulate answers. Many people were blocked on FB because of the questioning. She just found that even being ASKED a question sent her stress levels up enormously.

Nothing to do with friendly contact - just the feeling that people needed something from her by asking questions that required answers and she didn't have it in her to give it. It's really not that hard to be able to empathise with this, surely!

It's like that circle of grief thing - if you're the one suffering, you're in the centre - people should only "put in" towards the centre, anything they need should be directed outwards.

But, and I want to be very clear about this, at NO time did this highly stressed friend EVER refer to her concerned friends as cunts.

How did it go today op?
You sound like a little belt friend, sorry your supposed friend was such a cocklodger!

“sorry your supposed friend was such a cocklodger!”

Where did the “cocklodger” come from??